Hey nude sculpture of Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez. How are you? Nude, obviously, but otherwise, is everything good? I’m good too. I just want you to know I’ve been thinking about you. Not because of our past or anything, you’re pretty new. …
All this time you’ve been letting your hair fall on the ground (or saving it in labeled bags under the stairs) when you could have been doing all kinds of vaguely creepy things with it. Look!
If I ever have the privilege of owning a lawn, I’m not going to decorate it with the racist little jockeys, pink flamingos, or one of those stupid Travelocity garden gnomes. I’m going for this resin-based zombie lawn ornament instead. I…