During last night’s All-Star Game, Joe Buck was interviewing Yogi Berra in the booth and Yogi started complaining about all the photo ops he had to do. Buck asked him about Sarah Jessica Parker and Yogi responded, “She’s not bad.” Which is a compliment, when you consider that she is very very bad.
While this may seem like a nonchalant jab, it is clearly a payback for a problem Yogi had with the Sex and the City wenches back in 2005. According to TheSmokingGun:
JANUARY 31–Claiming that his good name has been sullied by a “Sex and the City” advertisement, baseball legend Yogi Berra has sued Turner Broadcasting System for $10 million.
In the below New York State Supreme Court complaint, Berra, 79, contends that TBS improperly used his name in outdoor ads (on buses and subway kiosks) promoting the cable channel’s reruns of the racy HBO show starring Sarah Jessica Parker.
Noting that he is a married grandfather and a “deeply religious man who has maintained and continues to maintain a moral lifestyle,” the former New York Yankee claims that he has been tainted by the ad, which references the loose lifestyle of “Sex” character Samantha, portrayed by Kim Cattrall.
The offensive ads, Berra reported, sought the definition of the term “Yogasm.” One of the possible definitions listed in the ad was, “b) sex with Yogi Berra.” The correct answer was “c) what Samantha has with a guy from yoga class.”
I would’ve liked to have seen the “deeply religious” Yogi walking down the street and seeing an ad for a show he’s never heard of featuring four whores talking about having sex with him. Did he immediately start asking people on the street questions like, “Why are those harlots talking about having sex with me?” and “What’s Yoga?” and “Is that one a man?” or if he waited until he got home to ask those questions.
Other crap to look at:
Davina Taylor is topless. No, really. (drunkenstepfather)
Sofia Georgiou is attractive (cameltap)
Ramona Chorleau? Also attractive (gorillamask)
Sexy Victoria’s Secret backstage pics (hornyoyster)
Ichiro has a potty mouth (withleather)
Please stop humping the midget (donchavez)
Bad karaoke is better than good karaoke (comedy.com)
Something interesting happened on The McLaughlin Group (BestWeekEver)
This morning I woke up and I didn’t have an erection. The last time that happened, Reagan was in office, and Scott Baio was still delighting TV fans weekly as an incorrigible nanny to three suburban white children. So I wondered this morning, “What is causing this non-boner? Is there something wrong with me?” Then I read this article from people.com:
HBO executives say they are “absolutely interested” in making follow-up to the hugely popular Sex and the City movie.
“Everybody came away feeling very excited by [the first film's] quality and its success, so that always invites the possibility of a continuation,”
See, my penis went flaccid in protest, knowing this was going to happen. It can also predict tropical storms and college bowl games.
I love how people try and promote this movie by saying it’s helping to “empower women.” Right, really really rich women who can afford the clothes that they show in this movie. To everyone else, hey, you better spend all the money you have to buy these clothes otherwise you’re just a total pile of shit, and please make sure to not feel a part of society. If a group of dogs made a movie about walking on two legs, would that be empowering to dogs? No, because there’s like 10 dogs on the whole planet who can do that, and while those dogs are totally awesome, the movie would just make the other dogs fee left out. Holy crap, I hate this show so much that I’m losing my mind and making non-sensical metaphors.
Anyway, the only way I’d go see this movie is if the poster was this:
I thought Sex and the City’s Cynthia Nixon was a card-carrying lesbian. I heard this rumor that she lived in Brooklyn with her girlfriend of four years. But this photo clearly shows her dating a handsome young man who looks like the winner of my middle school’s science fair. Did Cynthia take the Ted Haggard path to heterosexuality? Or did she…oh, wait. That’s a chick. My bad. Nevermind. She’s still a lesbian. I just saw that photo and immediately was all “young chubby dude!” We’re good here. Carry on.
A few years ago, my penis and I wrote up a contract laying out some basic rules both of us needed to follow. Some of the highlights were, “I, Penis, hereby promise to not become erect when at any beach and or water park,” and “I, Justin, state that I will not use any sock in excess of 3 years of age no matter the laundry situation or time constraints, when performing my mandatory mastabatorial duties.” Well, the last article of the contract clearly states “If there were to be released, a theatrical version of the television show “Sex And The City,” and host party were to view it, the contract in its entirety would become null and void.” Hence, I ain’t going to see this movie. But listen to how awesome it sounds! People.com reports:
The Sex and the City movie is the cinematic fashion event of the summer — a rumored 81 costume changes for Sarah Jessica Parker alone!
I remember when the same rumor came out about Schlindler’s List! How could you possibly have one character, in a two hour movie, be in 81 different costumes. Let’s see here…. Well, they’re probably going to want to appeal to the male demographic, so we may see something like this:
Then of course there’s the scene where Carrie wins the Kentucky Derby
So, it’s being reported today in people.com that Miley Cyrus watches the TBS “edited down version” of Sex And The City, so that she doesn’t see an inappropriate content.
“The show she watches is completely sanitized. She watches it on TBS,” says a source close to Cyrus.
Well, I went ahead and edited a version for her. I think mine allows her to more thoroughly enjoy the essence of the show that’s lost in TBS recuts.
I’ve never seen Sex and The City, but once at Easter my Grandma got drunk and told a story about giving oral sex to my Grandpa, and I’m guessing the show is basically just hours of that. So, it’s with no great sorrow I report one of the characters from the show will die in the movie. Which one you ask? No one cares knows. Starmagazine.com reports:
On Tuesday night at the Creation Nation comedy show, Cynthia Nixon — who recently revealed that she was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2006 — told writer Billy Eichner that “a character dies in the movie” — but refused to divulge which one.
Well, at first I guess that seems shocking, but that’s probably just because people assume the movie takes place in Manhattan because the show did as well. Understandable, I thought the Transformers movie would feature the Transformers and not a group of flamboyantly gay robots. Anyway, people tell me Sex and The City is edgy, so maybe the movie will take place in Tikrit, Iraq, and the plot will be about the girls trying to infiltrate a group of Iranian arms dealers. Of course it will also be about the problems women deal with and the great friendships they make too. You can do both, people. Anyway, if that were the case, I could see one of the characters dying pretty easily. War is hell.
Not my best photoshop work. It’s Friday. Deal with it.
It’s an advertisers job to display their products in a way that makes it seem like you can’t live without them. But we decided we’d show you what they’d look like if they just told you the truth
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