Explore Holy Taco

Kids Aren’t Hilariously Inappropriate. Crappy Photoshoppers Are.

cuminpies-comeinpeace-thumb

Kids being accidentally inappropriate is a curiously viral thing. These little tykes are so gosh-darn innocent, and so ludicrously bad at spelling, whenever they try to write something cute, it comes out evil, sexual, or sexually evil. Problem: ever…

Read Full Article

9 Band Names You Didn’t Know Were Sexual

9 Band Names You Didn’t Know Were Sexual

This is a guest article by Alex Sargeant.  He dreams of Barenaked Ladies on his Spacehog. Before you get to thick meat of this article, I want to share with you what I gleamed while researching it. Are you ready for this? It’s paradigm s…

Read Full Article

Holy Taco Looks at Areolas

Holy Taco Looks at Areolas

We run a tight ship up in this bitch. We keep it clean and scholarly and relevant to today’s modern literati. You come to Holy Taco to learn, not to be inundated with internet detritus like your ebays and megapixels and bosoms. But is tha…

Read Full Article

Drunken Argument Friday: Scary Sex vs Boring Sex

Drunken Argument Friday: Scary Sex vs Boring Sex

When we took up the mantle here at Holy Taco we were told we had to engage in some social drinking in the office if we wanted to get anything done right. This was not a problem as most of us had been drinking mouthwash recreationally for years. Thi…

Read Full Article

Resolved Questions: Sexual Time Travel

Resolved Questions: Sexual Time Travel

Today’s question comes to us via Yahoo! Answers user Ryan B. Ryan B asks: Best answer from a Yahoo! Answers user: “wow you must have been banging at the speed of light”

Read Full Article

Man’s Night Out: Testing Manliness

Man’s Night Out:  Testing Manliness

Holy Taco’s managing editor and columnist Ian Fortey used to write for 86% of all sites on the internet.  Then he found Holy Taco and it really turned him on.  Then he wrote this, his first weekly column on the site.  Exciting,…

Read Full Article

Holy Taco Bowlderizes the Classics: Smell Yo D*ck Edition

Holy Taco Bowlderizes the Classics:  Smell Yo D*ck Edition

Thomas Bowdler rewrote Shakespeare to better appeal to the sensibilities of the 19th century, which is to say he took out all references to poontang and the shocker. We understand that not everyone likes those things, so we decided to follow his ex…

Read Full Article

The Inner Monologue of a Gold Digger on Her Wedding Night to a 90 Year Old Millionaire

The Inner Monologue of a Gold Digger on Her Wedding Night to a 90 Year Old Millionaire

That ceremony took forever. The priest was almost as old as this guy and I think he may have had a stroke during the ring exchange. And what was that smell? It was like menthol cigarettes and baby powder. Is that the smell of death? God, I hop…

Read Full Article

The Porn Time Management Pie Chart

The Porn Time Management Pie Chart

Me Love You Long Time or Else: North Korea’s First Porno

Me Love You Long Time or Else: North Korea’s First Porno

INT – BEDROOM – DAY Madame SING-LI sits on her large, heart shaped bed, fanning herself with a pamphlet espousing the greatness of our Supreme Leader. The Supreme Leader is virile and has wonderful hair. Madame Sing-Li has a supple bo…

Read Full Article

The 6 Most Potentially Filthy Super Heroes

The 6 Most Potentially Filthy Super Heroes

Many super heroes were created in a golden age of innocence and fancy ideals that said a person who screamed “flame on!” only did so towards the end of helping those in need and not to let others in the men’s room know it was ther…

Read Full Article

Maximize Your Sex Appeal

Maximize Your Sex Appeal

  Being sexy is no easy task, just ask an ugly person. Man have they failed. A lot of hard work, effort and, yes, some luck is required to meet the high standards of sexy, especially in this day and age. Back when your grandparents were kid…

Read Full Article