Star Jones Single! Unbelievable But True!

Once when I was 9, I was at the county fair, and the dude operating the bumper cars had a weird boil/zit type thing on his face that looked like it was going to burst and his wife came up and popped it, and then wiped the stuff that came out of it on their small child’s shirt.  I tell you this because I’d sooner jerk off to that scenario, then to a picture of Star Jones.  Even though it’s reported that she’s now single:

Star Jones has filed for divorce from husband Al Reynolds, the former View co-host has announced.

That’s right gentleman, she’s single!  Get out your nice pants and what ever you can rub on yourself that smells like rosemary encrusted cornish game hen, because it’s time to go-a hunting for a single lady by the name of Star Jones!  She goes on to say:

Several years ago I made an error in judgment by inviting the media into the most intimate area of my life. A month ago I filed for divorce.

I think what she meant to say was “Several years ago I used to be really super really fat.  Now I’m not so I want to see if I can do a hotter more succesfull dude.”  I think what Star doesn’t understand is that it’s not so much her looks that make her disgusting, it’s her hideous personality.  But also her looks, I shouldn’t have spoken hastily.  Anyway, there’s only one bar I know of where she might find a dude who’d be in to her.  That’s right, the Star Wars Cantina.

Whoa!  I wouldn’t be looking over the pointy headed dudes shoulder while he’s playing cards.  That’s no way to win a man!

(4)