Age: 30
Where you’ve seen her: Since you’re probably not French, you’ve only seen Melissa Theuriau doing her French news anchor job on Break.com, Youtube.com or images.Google.com.
Pointless quote: “I never wanted attention because of my looks”
Age: 32
Where you’ve seen her: Silvia Saint, who was Penthouse Pet in 1996, has a wildly diverse film resume that includes such classics as: Big Titties of Europe, Ace In The Hole, Solo Pleasures Vol. 1-4 and Private Black Label: The Uranus Experiment 1. (Not Private Black Label: The Uranus Experiment 2)
Pointless quote: “I never look back at my old work.”
Age: 24
Where you’ve seen her: Marija Vujovic is a Yugoslavian model who’s been in a lot of fancy schmancy ads for clothing lines you’ve never heard of. She’s also a Victoria’s Secret model, which is a clothing line you’d like to see more of.
Pointless quote: “I feel great because when you walk, everyone watches you. It’s a nice feeling.”
Age: 29
Where you’ve seen her: Rachel Nichols is…man, I really hate typing this out…in…”The Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants 2.” God, that is the worst title for a movie ever. Well, except for “The Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants 1.”
Pointless quote: “With plastic surgery you can become beautiful. But brain transplant doesn’t exist yet.”
Age: 33
Where you’ve seen her: Eva Longoria, along with her husband Tony Parker, have somehow appeared in every magazine, TV show and commercial ever made. Or at least that’s what it feels like.
Helpful hint: She’s not the Tampa Bay Rays third baseman Evan Longoria.
Pointless quote: “The best sex I have ever had was with my vibrator.”
Age: 30
Where you’ve seen her: January Jones is in the new second season of Mad Men. The AMC show that won like a bazillion Emmy’s or People’s Choice Awards or TV Guide awards. It’s a good show and you get to see January dressed up as a 50s housewife (that’s for all you 50s Housewive Fetishists out there.)
Pointless quote: “I like my boobs and I’m not afraid to show my legs. Some people may see this as classless, but if I need to pose topless to get my name out there, I’ll do it. Acting is my life.”
Age: 35
Where you’ve seen her: Sara Varone hosts some game show in Italy. You don’t really need to know that. Her nickname is “sweater kittens.” That’s all you really need to know.
Pointless quote: “I have graduated from high school and later achieved a degree in psychology. And there in the end, there has always been the ignorant one who passes the big fat rumors onto the media painting me a whole new picture of myself: the typical, brainless, brunette bimbo.”
Age: 28
Where you’ve seen her: Kristen Bell has been in such awesome shows as Veronica Mars, Gossip Girl and now, Heroes. Since I’ve never seen any of those shows, I had no idea what she looked like until now.
Pointless quote: “I’m barely a B cup!”
Age: 34
Where you’ve seen her: Since Vida Guerra is basically all ass, I don’t think you’ve ever actually seen any other part of her body. You’ve seen her ass in FHM, Playboy and her ass’s voice was used for the Scarface: The World Is Yours video game.
Pointless quote: “The biggest challenge has been convicing people that I’m more than just a model.”
Age: 24
Where you’ve seen her: Ana Lucia Dominguez is a soap opera actress on the always awesome Telemundo. That really tells you everything you need to know.
Pointless quote: I can’t find one.
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