This is a clip from The Hills. All you need to know is that the Spencer dude and the Heidi chick just broke up. She’s trying to get over it, and he goes to the bar where she’s trying to do that, and tries to bang every chick within ear shot of her table. God bless this show.
There are two parts of this that are so f-ing classic that I had to post this.
1)Spencer actually scolds one of the chicks he’s trying to bang due to her not correctly taking the shot of alcohol he purchased for her. It’s a small nuanced thing, but such an amazing display of douchebaggery. It’s like watching Tim Duncan set a perfect screen for Manu Ginobli so he can get a wide open three: It doesn’t go in the stat book, but anyone who knows basketball knows how difficult that is to pull off well.
2)Heidi’s levels of anger: ”I’m so mad. I’m like shaking mad. I’m like crying and shaking mad.” I can’t tell you how much I was hoping there’d be a fourth and fifth level of her madness. My mind was racing. Like, maybe the fourth would be “I’m like crying and shaking and shit my pants mad,” and the fifth would be “I’m’ like crying and shaking and shit my pants and spend several years planning an attack on a major U.S. landmark in an effort to undermine American civil liberties and the economy mad.”
I seriously can’t get enough of this guy. I really can’t. He’s like an evil shakespearian character mixed with the bad guy from the first Karate Kid, with a dash of retarded. He’s just amazing. If you’ve never watched The Hills, don’t start. It’s gawd awful but impossible to turn away from. This scene right here is essentially the entire show. They argue about nothing and talk about nothing, yet, you can’t stop watching. I call phenomena like that “The Saved By The Bell Effect.” I wish Spencer Pratt was a lawyer, he’s got really awesome one liners that make absolutely no sense, yet completely shut down the retards that he argues against. I feel like if we sent him over to Iran to deal with Ahmadinejad they’d have the following conversation.
AHMADINEJAD: We’re going to restart production of Nuclear Weapons
PRATT: Bro, when you do stuff like get nuclear weapons, you think it makes things hard for me and Heidi, but it just makes things hard for you.
AHMADINEJAD: I’m not sure I follow.
PRATT: You’re not following because you don’t want to follow, bro. You talk about all this drama but you’re the drama bringer and me and Heidi just want to get on with our lives.
If you were wondering who was going to be the next F. Scott Fitzgerald, wonder no further my friends. Perezhilton.com reports:
Sources reveal exclusively to PerezHilton.com that Spencer Prattis “in talks” to release an autobiographical book and he’s ready to tell all.
“He’s close to signing a deal,” an insider aware of the negotiations tells us. “He will talk about L.C., Brody and everything else you’d wanna know.”
I wonder if the book will be like the show. If so, expect to see passages like this:
“I turned to Heidi. She looked, like, super hot.
“Heidi, you look, like, super hot,” said me.
Heidi totally did look hot. I thought in my head that she probably thought in her head, that that was totally nice for me to say that.
“That was totally nice for you to say that,” said Heidi to me.
I can’t wait for this book to come out. Seriously, I haven’t been this excited since I was 11 and found out there was a homeless dude by my house that would trade Hustler magazines for fruit roll-ups. If I may, I’d like to offer up my own cover for the book. Free of charge of course.
I really love it when people continue to put out stories as if stuff that happened on “The Hills” is real life. Usmagazine.com reports:
Despite reports, Lauren Conrad and Whitney Port weren’t given the pink slip by Teen Vogue.
“I just thought it was time for them to try something new,” Editor-In-Chief Amy Astley told Usmagazine.com
If you listen really closely, you can hear the sound of an MTV executive’s hand up this woman’s ass while they puppeteer her. For the love of God, just admit that the show is fake and MTV decided they want LC and the other chick not named LC to do some other shit. I mean honestly, them continuing to pretend it’s real is the equivalent of me walking in on my girlfriend blowing some dude and her turning to me and being like “Oh, hi honey, we’re just rehearsing for a play.”
Asked if the show is scripted she replied, “I think why they say all that is because there’s so much editing.”
Excuse me, people are not retarded. We realize and understand the process of editing. I’m not a dock worker in the 1920s. I don’t shit my pants in amazement when they cut from one angle to the other. People think it’s fake because:
a) we’re expected to believe that Lauren Conrad would take an internship where she makes nothing even though she’s making 25Gs an episode from MTV.
b) they cut to five different angles in a conversation yet we see no cameras even though it’d be physically impossible to not see any unless you did more than one take of a scene
Being cool is normally subjective. But there are some things that unequivocally make you uncool. We’re not saying we’re cool, we’re just saying if you own any of these items, you’re not.
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