It’s Mother’s Day this Sunday and we all know what that’s going to be like. There will be a lot of guilt, crying, complaining, threats of divorce, threats of bodily harm, actual bodily harm, and some wonderful family time. There will also be a lot of disappointment about your choice of career and/or girlfriend.
From the same people that brought you The Christmas Tree, this video does a good job of showing the world how most of New Jersey spends its Mother’s Day (chin stubble included.)
In the pantheon of game shows, Wheel of Fortune doesn’t require the highest amount of brain power. It’s no Mastermind or Jeopardy. Hell, it’s not as difficult as Press Your Luck. I’m not sure if they even have qualifications to get on the aside from “Can you stand upright for 25 minutes?” and “Do you know what a ‘person’ is?”
I know sometimes we write humorous headlines like the one above for the sake of humor, but this one is real. A genius prank by TNT’s Ernie “Don’t Call Me McCracken” Johnson got Charles Barkley to admit that he is, in fact, a dumbass. If I didn’t love Charles so much I might actually agree with him.
Let’s face it, baseball can be a slow-moving and tedious game to watch. If you’re, say, 18-months-old, it may be difficult to follow the mental chess-game that’s taking place on the field. Do you really expect a toddler comprehend the little nuances of a pitcher setting a batter up with a curveball so he can blow a fastball right by him? No. So the baby’s going to get a little bored. And what better way to kill a little boredom than by giving yourself a mohawk, chilling with the mascot and knocking back a few stadium brews.
Dikembe Mutombo talks funny because he’s not from around here (unless you’re reading this in Africa.) So his Houston Rocket teammates had a little fun impersonating his wacky African accent. But I think Deke needs to wag his four-foot long finger at some of their vocal skills. Aaron Brooks looks like he’s trying to do a deaf Yoda, Yao just says something that sounds like “Chicken finger,” and Bobby Jackson looks and sounds like a drunk retard. Can the Rockets sign Rich Little to help out their mimicking skills?
There have been a lot of songs that have made the world a better place. First there was John Lennon’s “Imagine.” Then there was “We Are The World.” And now we can add Principal Fred Scretta…Something Or Other’s hip-hop jam about trash to that hallowed list. John Lennon may have taught us that “the world will live as one,” but Principal Fred has taught us that he’s “got a new task for ya’ll called the ‘pick up your trash.’” The man is truly a poet.
I take no political sides here at HolyTaco.com (a prior urinal crapping conviction prohibits me from voting), but this Obama video combines Jay-Z, Ellen Degeneres, Ghostface Killah, Morrissey, Scarlett Johannson’s boobs, Natalie Portman’s nipples and LOLCats. Can someone bury this video in a time capsule? That way the people of the future can dig this up 100 years from now and know everything about our culture.
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