72% Of You Want A Horse Over Sarah Jessica Parker

In what can only be described as a shocking upset, 72% of Holy Taco readers declared that they’d rather have sexual intercourse with potential Triple Crown winning thoroughbred Big Brown than film and television star Sarah Jessica Parker, even with the possibility of jail time due to the beastiality laws enforced in most states. With the “Sex And The City” movie opening last week, one can only assume from the results of this poll that the film would have pulled in an even higher box office total if Carrie Bradshaw had been played by the speedy equine.

Several of the readers were quite enthusiastic about their choice.

“I’d Bang Big Brown. You know you can get a ride home afterwards,” said reader Seabas92109.

Other’s pointed to Big Brown’s striking features.

“Both look alike, but I’d pick Big Brown….Way more azzz and prettier eyes than SJP!,” according to reader Fruggie.

Whatever the reason, one thing is clear, Big Brown has once again come out victorious.

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Pregnant Jessica Alba Is The Winner

In not that close of a race, 60% of you would rather make sweet mommy love to a Pregnant Jessica Alba than a Pregnant Christina Aguilera.  Either way, you all disgust me.

Now, actual comments from real readers

matt pilot Says:

May 3rd, 2008 at 7:24 am   banging a pregnant chick is like having a threesome. depending whether the baby is a boy or girl, its either awesome or slightly gay

Eh… Says:
May 5th, 2008 at 5:05 pm  

I think the best part of sleeping with a celebrity would be the chance of getting them pregnant, then you’d be forever linked with all that money.

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Carmen Electra Wins In Landslide

Back by popular demand, the Who Would You Rather Do recap.  This week Carmen Electra demolished Pamela Anderson by a whopping 70 percentage points, winning 85% to 15%.  I think it was the whole, “has hepatitis, videos are avaialable of her doing other dudes” thing that caused her loss.

Anyway, here’s some ACTUAL comments from real readers:

1. clitwizard Says:
   April 30th, 2008 at 10:25 am  pam anderson is a walking tranny now. good ol fashion post OP tranny
2. AlcoLOL Says:
   April 30th, 2008 at 11:29 am   I’d do Carmen, mainly because I haven’t seen her stroking a 10 inch dick. Or multiple ones for that matter. Also, I’d feel like I wouldn’t have to pay a toll after entering her vagina.
3. white devil Says:
   May 1st, 2008 at 10:32 am   where is the button for ‘neither’ ?

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52% Like Jenna Bush’s Oval Office

This was an incredibly close election, and unlike her father, Jenna Bush didn’t have to cheat in Ohio to win. I kid, I kid, everybody calm down. After almost 9000 votes were cast, Holy Taco readers decided they’d like to be in the Jenna’s Bush instead of a tall glass of Jameson. Holy shit those were bad puns. After reading the comments, it seemed the whole “she’s been banged by a thousand dudes” rationale hurt Jameson.

As usual, here’s actual responses from REAL readers:

AlcoLOL: No matter how many STDs she has, I’ll take Jameson over Bush any day. Jenna Bush reminds me of William Shatner… Don’t ask why.

Nick: Listen, I don’t know if you people know who Peter North is…..but if you saw what I witnessed him do to Jameson then you would steer clear. I might have been watching a civil rights video from the 60’s with firehoses…I still can’t recall. I passed out in horror and woke up in the bathroom of a Mexican Restaurant.

Turd Ferguson: I would let the prez smell my finger afterward.

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People Want To Do Ellen Page

The Holy Taco readers have spoken and with almost 18,000 votes cast, a vast majority of you want to do Ellen Page, the chick from Juno who portrayed someone who was in HIGH SCHOOL.  Seriously people, what’s wrong with you?  You sicken me.

Anyway, I sicken myself, because while putting together the new page, I accidentally erased the comments on the old page before I was able to pick the three best.  It sucks to, because there was some dude who’s comment was like “I find the Ellen to put in her space hole.  It make the magic for the happy.”  I’m not even doing the comment justice, it was amazing.  Anyway, please feel free to berate me in the comments section.  I’m an idiot.

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62% Disagree with Brad Pitt - It’s Aniston Time

In a huge upset, at least according to the predictions of me and the janitor who works here, 61% of you would rather do Brad Pitt’s ex, even though Brad Pitt’s current looks like the kind of girl you have to worry may rock your world so hard that your penis becomes detached from your body.

Here are real reactions from ACTUAL readers. Thanks to everyone who took the time to comment. I’m leading off with my favorite comment. I have no idea what this means, but I enjoyed it none-the-less.

Lord^afk - Über die Angie Jolie sind schon so komische Typen drüber gerutscht, das geht echt gar nicht mehr…

ZigZag - Been lusting after Jennifer for years, ever since she was in Leprechaun. I’d kiss her pee thing right now if I could.

GetReal - How can Jennifer Aniston be winning right now?!! The poll is titled “who would you rather DO” not “who would you rather date for three years and have long conversations and romantic walks on the beach and bring home to mom and share holidays with” OK? angelina screwed billy bob in a limo, carries vials of blood around her neck and nailed brad pitt in between takes of mr. and mrs. smith, while aniston dated vince vaughn….what’s wrong with you people?

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52% Love Themselves Some Nelly Furtado

The votes are in and in a close contest, 52% of Holy Taco readers would have sexual intercourse with Nelly Furtado than Christina Aguilera.  I was going to write to Christina Aguilera’s publicist and see if I could get a reaction to the news, but then I remembered I didn’t care.

As usual, here’s real reactions by actual readers.

t-boner - I want Christina to ‘come on over’ and get ‘dirrrrrty.”

opposite_prime - If you choose Aguilera, you might win the “One Millionth Deposit Award.”

crack pipe - how can you do a grammy edition WWYRD without Amy Winehouse?  Who’s in charge of this thing anyway?!  What kind of Mickey Mouse operation are you running?

Well crack pipe, funny you should ask.  Originally we built a robot just for the purposes of selecting the girls for WWYRD, but the the first week in charge he picked Michael J. Fox vs. an overhead map of Indonesia, so unfortunately we had to let him go because that would have been stupid.  Everyone would have chose the map of Indonesia.

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55% Want To Bed Bridget Moynahan

It was a close vote, but 55% of your decided you’d rather bang Tom Brady’s ex, than Tom Brady’s current.  Either way, Tom Brady’s banged them both, so even though he blew it in the Super Bowl, his life is still 100,000,000,000,000 times better than all of ours.

Now, real reactions from actual readers.  You can see their comments in our NEW COMMENT SECTION of WWYRD.  Yeah, that’s right, we have a comments section now so you we can hear your perverted thought processes.

CORY - I enjoy sex

EVAN - Bridget’s last name makes me think of mayonnaise, which turns me on.

JR - Anybody who would rather do BM instead of Giselle is flaming.

[editors note - It took me twenty minutes to realize that BM stood for Bridget Moynahan and not bowel movement.  I’m seriously like five years old. 

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