I sit all day and write. So, If I had a girlfriend whom every time I came home from work was like, "Hi honey! Can you write some occasionally clever paragraphs about what's going on in pop-culture, then...
You remember in Shawshank when Andy Dufresne finally crawled out of that tunnel of shit to freedom and there was that overhead shot, in the rain, of him triumphantly tasting life again for the first time? Well, that was sort of how I figured Star Jones' ex-husband Al Reynolds...
Once when I was 9, I was at the county fair, and the dude operating the bumper cars had a weird boil/zit type thing on his face that looked like it was going to burst and his wife came up and popped it, and then wiped the stuff that came...