Hi. It's me, your pet parakeet. It's come to my attention that you've been trying to find out why I won't eat your diarrhea: I'm a parakeeet, so I'm not normally one to be bold. But, seeing that this scenario will...
Writer. Director. Holocaust Survivor. Child Rapist. These are all titles that can be accurately bestowed upon one of my oldest and dearest friends, Roman Polanski, most notable for directing a number of incredible films, including Rosemary's Baby and Chinatown, and only one of those two movies is about raping a child. ...
Hello, The Public! It's me, Mayor Myron Lowery! Y'know, people have been giving me a hard time ever since I fist bumped the Dalai Lama a few days ago. People are using big words, like "disrespectful", "rude", and "totally ghettorrific". I don't even know what the last one means. It's...
You may have heard that me and some of my scientist buddies have been messing around with some mice lately, making them float around in anti-gravity chambers for weeks on end. A lot of people say things like, "Hey, Science Guys, how come you have to make mice float in...
By now, a lot of you have seen the clip of Barney Frank's dining room table comment at a recent town hall meeting (or what's become known in the dining room table community simply as 'the comment'). Basically, Barney said that he didn't want to have a conversation with a...
Hello, Mister. It is me, Juan, the guy who clean you office. Or as you like to call me, "that Mexican guy". I think it is time we have a talk. Just because I was born in Mexico, does not mean I do not speak English or understand exactly what...
Hey dude! It's me, your penis! We know each other pretty well, so let's skip the cheezy introductions and get down to business: we need to talk. You've been coming up short big time lately, and something's got to be done about it. I'm willing to work with...
What's up, you guys! It's me, the homeless guy who's always screaming profanities in your neighborhood at 2am. I'm the guy who causes you to lose a lot of sleep, call the police every now and then, and feel horribly racist whenever you laugh at a couple of the ethnic...
Editors Note: Here at Holy Taco, we welcome celebrities to share their thoughts with us about whatever topic they like. We promise not to censor them. Therefore, we were ecstatic when Kevin Jonas of the Jonas Brothers asked to write a guest column. Yo, what's up fans!...
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