Shit. I'm early. I showed up early for a blind f*cking date. Is that good or bad? I really have no idea what the etiquette is for this type of thing. Should I go in? I shouldn't go in. Maybe...
Hmm, free donuts, huh? I wonder if that means that something bad is about to happen. Like, "Sorry, you're getting laid off. Have a donut." I wouldn't be surprised. Well, anyway, I might as well take one of these babies. Let's see, there's the chocolate with sprinkles, and there's a...
Aw, crap. I don't have my credit card. I must've lost it somewhere last night. Well, looks like Tampico and Sun Chips breakfast from Walgreens will have to wait. I have to find out what happened last night. Let's see: what's the last thing I remember? Hmm. That doesn't really help...
Okay, it's Monday night. Most of the people going grocery shopping on a Monday night are single, and I don't think I'm the only one that understands this. You can also go shopping on Thursday night if you're single, but then that means that you're stocking up because you're not...
Aaaah. There's nothing like a nice, relaxing weekend in Vegas. No screaming kids to drive to soccer games. No nagging wife bitching about how I bought the wrong eggs at the supermarket. Just me, the porn convention, and about 600 beautiful women who get paid to have dirty sex on...
8:15 p.m. This isn't so bad. Just me, my wife, and some of our married friends. Oh, nice, someone brought out Trivial Pursuit. That's cool. Why do we have to break into couples teams? What if I wanted to play by myself? I don't even get a say? They just...
Awwww shit! It's Christmas morning! Hell yeah! In order to celebrate this festive and exciting day, I'm going to do the most dangerous thing that a child can do in a dark house early in the morning when everyone else is still asleep: run frantically down the stairs! Oh, shit! Look...
Okay, this is easy. All I have to do is jerk off into a little plastic cup. That's easy. I jerk off into an old t-shirt three times a day. This is no problem. Why am I so nervous? Is there a camera in here? I'd better just make sure....
Alright, let's see: this guy's driving a 2004 Honda Civic that's completely beat to shit. There's no way this idiot can afford a traffic ticket. Well, I might as well utilize my position of authority to ruin his entire month. I'll just run his license plate through the police database...
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Holy Taco Goes to the Bahamas
