Alright, let's see: this guy's driving a 2004 Honda Civic that's completely beat to shit. There's no way this idiot can afford a traffic ticket. Well, I might as well utilize my position of authority to ruin his entire month. ...
God dammit. This clip on tie is not staying put at all. It's alright, don't get caught up in the details. Just try to enjoy the experience. I mean, a chick asked me to the Sadie Hawkins dance. That's pretty awesome. Sure, she's a little bit pudgy and she has...
Okay, I've got a 6-pack of PBR, and a bottle of cheap wine in case there are any chicks at this party that I'm going to. I think that's all I need. Maybe I should just browse the two aisles of this Asian Liquor Store that aren't packed with wine,...
Okay, there's a fat guy coming down the aisle. Don't sit here. Don't sit here. I'm a mean, bad person that's not fun to sit next to on a plane. YES! He passed up my row. Uh oh, a smelly old lady is coming up. Don't sit here. I'm a...
Alright, New Owner: I'm unwrapped, I'm plugged in, and I'm powered up. Let me just load up a few things real quick, and then we'll be good to go...alright, we're good to go! Why do you look so surprised, New Owner? Don't you know how fast a new Macbook Pro...
Holy shit. I can't believe I got into this strip club. This fake ID totally worked! It doesn't make any sense: it didn't work at the 7-11 an hour ago when I tried to buy a can of Foster's. It must be the lighting in here. I probably got one...
Sweet! I got the pillows that I came here to buy. I could've gone anywhere to get pillows, but I chose to come to Ross Dress for Less because they have fancy, brand-name pillows for reasonable prices, and now people will really be impressed by what brand of pillows I...
Hmm, free donuts, huh? I wonder if that means that something bad is about to happen. Like, "Sorry, you're getting laid off. Have a donut." I wouldn't be surprised. Well, anyway, I might as well take one of these babies. Let's see, there's the chocolate with sprinkles, and there's a...
Man, I'm getting pretty hungry. We've been standing around drinking beer all afternoon. I wonder why nobody's fired up that grill over there yet. There's the meat, right there on the table. There's the grill. Everything is ready to go, but everyone's just standing around. Am I the only one...
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Holy Taco Goes to the Bahamas
