Lego people are pretty awesome. They're basically the only toy people that a)allow you to just remove their hair and b) always have their hands cupped in the jerking off position. The latter provided me with literally hundreds of...
Sometimes you'll see a story that's so clearly invented by a publicist and leaked in hopes of making their clients seem super "Hip" and "edgy" and "not shitty." This is one of those stories. Celebslam.com reports:
Apparently Angelina Jolie is friends with hardcore porn star Tera Patrick. Jolie’s...
I love when people are like "Oh my God, you HAVE to see this picture of my baby," and then they show me the picture and it's just their baby, lying there. This is not okay. If a friend came up to you and was like "Oh my God, you...
Age: 33
Where you've seen her: Jesus, Angelina Jolie is just about everywhere. From her new crappy movie about assassins who can make bullets curve to breast feeding every orphan on the Serengeti, if you've been alive in the last five years, you've seen Angelina Jolie.
MILF status: Despite already having adopted...
Apparently people thought the picture above was of a pregnant Angelina Jolie in her hospital room, very close to giving birth. I can't understand how anyone thought that. To me it looks like this picture was snapped in New Orleans right after someone tried to toss beads towards...
I think I smell pretty good. Like, if I were to rate how I smell on a scale of NBA power forwards, I would say my smell is the Kevin Garnett of smells: Most of the time really good, but any time there's pressure, it gets bad and...
When I was in sixth grade, there was a rumor floating around that once when my Dad dropped me off at school, he parked and walked into the kindergarten bathrooms and used one of their tiny tiny toilets to take a shit, and subsequently plugged it up, then walked into...
When my mom was pregnant with me, my dad said my brothers would act as if they were pregnant, then my oldest brother would pretend to birth a throw pillow out of his shorts, while my other brother would grab the pillow and pretend to be the voice of the...
I remember once when I was 6, it was Sunday morning and my mom said to my dad, "I think the county fair is going on, you should take Justin out to see the horses." Apparently though, my dad's interpretation of that was "I think there's satellite wagering going on...
(6)
Twitter
Holy Taco Goes to the Bahamas
