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The Telenoid R1 Is The Future of Creepy Robot/Human Interaction

The Telenoid R1

When the robo-apocalypse goes down, Japan will be ground zero. Everybody knows that. But we used to think that when the machines finally decided to rebel, they would be walking armies of red-eyed murderers, loaded to the teeth with weaponry, and sporting a cold stare on their menacing faces.

Turns out they’re gonna look like an artist’s rendering of a real life Casper The Homicidal Ghost. Or a disturbing J-Horror remake of Casper.

This little paraplegic fellow is the The Telenoid R1, and it was designed to provide a minimalist humanoid presence when conversing with someone from long distances. So, if you’re talking to your darling Grandma Millie on the phone, you can have a soulless void of infinite madness mouth along like someone’s moving the mouth on a dead body, and while it occasionally, grotesquely, and violently jerks its head, also like a dead body, but one that’s having electrical current run through it.

We can only assume this thing was designed without arms and with the lower body of a sperm so it wouldn’t kill you in the event of sentience. But that probably won’t stop it from rocking its way off its mount and slithering its way in to your open mouth as you sleep in an attempt to absorb your soul, which it needs for nourishment, obviously.

The creator of this little thing that needs to die is hoping people will buy it when it comes out later this year, selling at a price of $8,000 per monstrosity. This begs the question: how much are people willing to be for their open brutal sci-fi murder? Is $8,000 a reasonable price to fork over as long as you know, for a fact, that your inevitable death at the hand of a machine will only be the first of many more like it all over the world that is, at first, only considered a myth, but then quickly escalates in to violent blood baths that the local authorities can’t seem to solve?

One Response to "The Telenoid R1 Is The Future of Creepy Robot/Human Interaction"

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