It’s the first day of Spring everyone! You know what that means? Not a whole lot, unless you’re into stuffy noses and watery eyes inflicted by the yellow devil, AKA pollen. That’s one of the downsides to the first day of Spring. That and knowledge that you’re going to get invited to some weddings you don’t feel like attending, but don’t get all negative on me — there’s actually a lot you have to look forward to starting today. We’ve conveniently listed them below. Stop trolling the internet and take your snark hat off for ten minutes. IT’S SPRING!
They look nice and shit.
Less clothing. FOR EVERYONE!
More lady-skin for you to gawk at, but also more potential for you to get a stupid farmer’s tan. Still an overall positive.
Ranging from slightly sweaty to disgustingly sweaty from now until at least October!
Get ready to squirm! Can’t shed layers this time of year, buddy. Unless you’ve developed the ability to molt.
I can’t be the only one.
Unwanted litters of feral kittens!
CATS DON’T KNOW HOW TO USE CONDOMS! And even if they did, they’d end up poking holes in them on accident, so just quit complaining and enjoy the biproduct (kittens).
A short-lived sense of renewal and optimism!
The sun is out, love is in the air, and there’s a cool breeze blowing through your shirt holes! Don’t get too used to it.
Pretending to accidentally throw a frisbee at a hippie’s head!
Always difficult to get away with in winter.
Driving with the windows down!
No more drying out your eyeballs with the forced-air heat in your crappy Toyota! Roll them windows down and arrive at your destination looking happily disheveled!
Hate ‘em. They creep me out. But I’m sure someone will find this a plus.
You finally won’t look like an asshole if you’re drinking on your porch!