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Thank You, Bill O’Reilly

the view

Dear Bill O’Reilly,

You don’t know me. Why would you? But I, like millions of other people, know you. I don’t watch a lot of your show, or your network, for that matter. Don’t take it personally, but I usually confine my viewing habits to reruns of “Becker” and online pornography. But you’ve been around a while, so I see you now and again, running your mouth. And let’s not forget that whole luffa/vibrator/oral sex voicemail from a while back. That was pretty funny.

At any rate, I’m not here to dwell on the past. I’m here to look toward the future, a future where I buy your books and plaster my car with Bill O’Reilly bumper stickers. I’m talking about a future where I watch your show and go out of my way to buy the products that sponsor it. It will be a future where I stick up for you whenever one of my friends calls you an asshole. Why would I bother to all this for a man I previously couldn’t give two shits about? As the old saying goes, the enemy of my enemy is my friend. The women of "The View" are my sworn enemies, which after today’s events, puts you squarely in my friends camp.

I’m not exactly sure what happened. To be honest, I’m not sure I want to know the details. All I do know is that I read the headline “Two Hosts Walk Off ‘The View’ During Argument With Bill O’Reilly,” and I wept for joy. The thought of those two cows (I saw it was Joy Behar and Whoopi Goldberg in the picture) being too upset to run their mouths warmed me to my soul. I haven’t been this happy since John Edwards got caught cheating, although the Brett Favre dick-pic thing came close. But this takes the cake.

As I said, I don’t know exactly what transpired. I’m sure you did something stupid, like call Barack Obama a secret Muslim communist, or maybe you accused homosexuals of supporting al-Qaeda. In my mind, I’d like to believe that you walked on the set and started making pig noises every time they opened their mouths. Or maybe you walked out and proceeded to urinate on the guest couch. I know it was nothing respectable like that, but as I said, at this point, I can care less. Even if I found out you told them we should bring back slavery so the slaves could build robots that round up Mexicans, I wouldn’t like it, but I’d get over it. Why? In the wise words of Jennifer Petkov, “because it burns (their) ass raw.”

In closing, I just want to thank you again for all you’ve done for this country, and for that matter, the world. If only more people in positions of power were like you, perhaps I wouldn’t have to live my life knowing there are four awful, misinformed women spewing non-sense to bored housewives on a daily basis, and getting paid millions of dollars to do it. True, many would say the same about your show, but for as awful as you may be, at least you weren’t in Theodore Rex.


Ted Danson

16 Responses to "Thank You, Bill O’Reilly"

  1. KFizzle says:

    Get em Bill O, speakin the truth no matter if people like it or not

  2. slappyMcgee says:

    Bill : “Muslims killed US on 9/11.” Bundle of Joy Behar ” OM MY GOD?!!” Exit stage left. Uhmm, excuse me Ms. Behar? Who, in your opinion, was it that flew planes full of Americans into our twin towers? Christians? they totally are know for mass murders and kill all the time. Mormons? The also kill all the time Buddist? Again, they kill all the time…oh wait, only muhammad says to kill those who oppose the great and mighty Ellen…I mean allah. Go Bill go!

  3. Ian Fortey says:
    I think the thing we need to remember is that everyone on the View, hosts and guests, are idiots.
  4. No fan says:

    Biggest all time mass murdering religious fuckers = Christians.

    Because a few fucktard extremist Muslims go off on a terrorist spree, this means all Muslims should be blamed?

  5. The Guy Who Posted as Mex-Am Can Suck It says:

    First off, I don’t care if you don’t like Bill O’Reilly (by the way, the “O” is capitalized, you dumbass! Do spell-check or grammar check, lazy Mex-Am).

    Secondly, the guy who wrote “Thank you, Bill O’Reilly” can write whatever the hell he wants and like whoever the hell he wants. If he is thanking Bill O’Reilly, it’s all good. Don’t get all angry about it. He is a blogger for holytaco in case you didn’t know. It’s one thing to not like a high profile person, but it’s another thing to hate somebody for liking a high profile person. Ostensibly, you are dumb as f*ck.

    But you and the show known as the View can both suck it!

  6. SirMixNoMore says:

    You go girl! Defend your boyfriend!

  7. Orifice Jerq says:

    I don’t know about you but that theodore rex thing first confused me, then gave me a raging boner.

  8. Jame Gumb says:
    I don’t like him. But I have to respect what he did.
  9. MexicanAmerican says:

    First off, Fuck Bill o’Reilly.

    Second, Fuck the person who wrote this for liking him.

    Third, Fuck Anyone who can sit there and watch all those
    fucktards in the same room for more than a minute.


  10. Ted Dancin' says:

    watching the view brings always brings a tear to my eye. not because of the issues, but because i feel so bad for that couch.

  11. Bill Clinton says:

    Kiss my ass donkey penis

  12. Bill Clinton says:

    Whoopi is as dumb as a bag of rocks and Behar is even dumber. The view should be called the Pew because it stinks up everything it touches. Why anybody would go on that POS show is beyond me.

    You’d have to have half your brain removed to watch it too.

    Garbage garbage garbage – I hate those woman more that anybody could imagine.

  13. DonkeyXote says:

    Settle down gramps, go watch some BBC 70′s sit-coms before you have a stroke.

  14. Rahm Emmanuel says:

    At one time I was seriously considering sending O’Reilley a dead fish

    after his heroics on the view, I decided not to :)


    keeping it real on the mean streets of shit-cago

    peace nigga’

  15. hurly says:

    truth is offensive in America these days

  16. DonkeyXote says: