Everyone knows that beer is great. But sometimes the slogans used to sell it are even better.
10. Blatz – How Mother and Baby “Picked Up”
This advertisement actually says, “A case of Blatz Beer in your home means much to the young mother, and obviously baby participates in its benefits.” If a baby ever “picked up” a case of Blatz and came over to my house, I would definitiley help him participate in its benefits.
9. Schlitz – The Beer That Made Milwaukee Famous
If Milwaukee is famous for the notorious swill that is Schlitz, maybe they should throw a few tax dollars into building a huge cheese statue or an oversized sausge replica–anything to put their name on the map for any other reason. Being famous for Schlitz is up there with being famous for dandruff.
8. Red Stripe – Hooray Beer!
Screw the cutesy little slogans, the rhymes and the alliteration. Red Stripe breaks it down to the basest emotion you have for beer. After three or four brewskis the little man in your brain isn’t thinking about problems at work, your mortgage payment or the fact that your wife doesn’t find you attractive anymore. He’s just dancing around in his boxers and yelling, “Hooray Beer!”
7. Mackeson Milk Stout – It looks good, it tastes good, and by golly it does you good.
The days before the pesky FDA and FCC got involved with advertising were amazing. You could say anything about any of our vices and get away with it. Cigarettes gave you energy, gambling was educational and hell, beer was good for you. Other ads claimed that Mackeson’s vitamin-rich Milk stout (which contained no milk) was healthy and nutritious enough for nursing mothers and was great for a baby’s skin when they bathed in it. Apparently all you needed to raise a healthy child in the 1950s was a case of Blatz and a few Mackeson Milk Stouts.
6. Carlsberg – Probably the Best Beer in the World.
Hey, this beer might be the best one in the world. Or maybe it’s not. It depends on what you like, really. If you like this, then it definitely is. If you like something a bit darker, then you probably won’t like this at all. But whatever.
5. Courage Beer – It’s What Your Right Arm Is For
God gave you two arms for a reason. Your right one is for shoveling Courage Beer into your face. And your left one is for everything else. (I’m pretty sure that’s somewhere in the Bible.)
4. Gunther – The Happiest Taste In Beer Today Not only does this Gunther Beer commercial use puppets, but it’s slogan makes it sound more like a new kind of candy than an alcohol. Hey kids, you know what tastes like happy? Chocolates and cakes and ice cream and…hangovers.
3. Pabst Blue Ribbon – This One Has The Touch!
I have an uncle who got a case of “the touch” after a case of Pabst. He’s not allowed to come over for Thanksgiving anymore.
2. Colt 45 – It Works Every Time
Colt 45 wants to make it very clear. It will get you laid EVERY TIME you drink Colt 45. Not 1/3 of the time. Not 74% of the time. EVERY SINGLE TIME. Just ask Billy Dee Williams.
1. Schaefer – It’s The One Beer To Have When You’re Having More Than One
I think this slogan finally gets the message right: When you want to get wasted, drink Schaefers.
For Pabst Blue Ribbon (PBR), you forgot to mention that on the can, it says that they won that blue ribbon in 1893. Their motto should be, “Hey, we haven’t won anything since, so we’ll just wear this one proudly.”
I still don’t understand how Sam Adams got away with this one: always a good decision. Really, Sam Adams? Like, even if you’re 16 and about to take your driver’s test? Even then?
Million dollar idea: t-shirts with the above slogans. I’d definitely buy a Schaeffer’s.
For Pabst Blue Ribbon (PBR), you forgot to mention that on the can, it says that they won that blue ribbon in 1893. Their motto should be, “Hey, we haven’t won anything since, so we’ll just wear this one proudly.”
PBR won a blue ribbon as recent as 2006 at the Great American Beer Festival:
http://www.beertown.org/events/gabf/06winners.htm
PBR was the beer of my youth (age 6-10).
What about worst beer? I nominate Schlitz Light (the reason it’s not around any more is it’s wonderful taste!)
Frankly, anything titled light/lite is not worth a sh!t. I’ll eat less if I want fewer calories.
I still don’t understand how Sam Adams got away with this one: always a good decision. Really, Sam Adams? Like, even if you’re 16 and about to take your driver’s test? Even then?
Don’t forget the classic. Beer 30 “Anytime is the right time.”