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The 10 Worst Things Ever (According to a Google Image Search)

Google is currently the only way any of us are able to know anything.  Even stuff you didn’t know you wanted to know you can know if you Google it.  So if you Google “the worst thing ever” like I did, you’ll discover these ten images, which I guess are the 10 worst things in the world, ever, since they are the first ten images that search gets you.  I wouldn’t have guessed, but who am I to argue with Google?

10 – Twilight as Star Wars

I can see why people would dislike this – it’s a beloved movie franchise corrupted by a despised movie franchise.  Is it worse than smallpox?  Who am I to judge?

9 – A Stuck Cookie

I read somewhere once that nearly 100,000 people die each year from snake bites.  The toxins in many snakes’ venom causes your soft tissue to go necrotic, so you literally rot while you’re alive.  That’s just at the source of the bite.  The venom coursing through the rest of your body can cause any number of issues depending on the snake that bit you.  Some snakes have hemotoxic venom, which literally breaks your blood down.  Others are cardiotoxic and prevent the muscles of your heart from contracting.  Others are neurotoxic and just mess your shit right up.

But also, that cookie not fitting in a glass is a shit deal.

8 – Old Man

It’s worth noting that we’re all mortal.  Facing your own mortality is not easy to do and, in fact, something few people ever come to terms with.  Humanity as a whole is often desperately afraid of its own natural conclusion, and the one certainty all of us will face as we experience life.  This old man looks like he might be pantsless.

7 – Eating

This image came from a Cracked article by internet comedy powerhouse Seanbaby, who can dropkick funny across a room and then teabag it and it’ll shake his hand when he’s done.  For the purposes of this article I did not actually see in what context Seanbaby used the picture, I’ll just assume it had something to do with how hot dogs are disgusting.

6 – Random Lady

Serial killers really do look just like anyone else, you couldn’t pick one out of a crowd or anything.  Is this lady a serial killer?  Well, she’s labeled the worst thing ever, so hopefully she did something pretty awful to merit that.  On the other hand, hopefully she isn’t a serial killer, because we really don’t need more of those in the world.

5 – Broken IPod

This iPod will be ready to use again in 372, 309 hours, which is 15,512 days, which is about 42 years.  That piece of shit is going to need so many iTunes updates by then.  Now that’s the worst thing ever.  Or is it?

4 – Camel Toe

In fairness, I was surprised at the lack of porn that showed up when I did this image search.  Safe search was off and everything, because I never use a seatbelt when I Google.  I want that shit raw and ridiculous.  Anyway, this here is some camel toe, which I concede looks very uncomfortable.  You should really adjust your pants if this kind of thing is going on, because either for you or for witnesses this thing is apparently more damaging than chemical warfare.

3 – Some Kid

I’ve seen pictures of Hitler as a boy, and this isn’t him.  It is also likely not Stalin, Michael Bay, Pol Pot, Jeffery Dahmer, George Bush Jr or Ashton Kutcher.  Who is this kid?  He has some serious shit to answer for.

2 – Insane Bear

Is that woven from giant hemp ropes?  Is it made of meat?  I don’t know what’s happening here.  Probably this bear comes to life under the full moon and feasts on souls, though.  Really, what else could it do?  It’s the second worst thing ever.  Ever.  Hurricanes, volcanos, plagues, One Direction, everything.

1 – Marvel vs Capcom tattoo

In case you can’t see or can’t tell, that’s a kid showing off a tattoo of the player selection screen from what I believe is Marvel vs Capcom 2.  It might be part 3, I dunno.  At this point it doesn’t matter because this is the first most awful thing in the world.  Google the worst thing ever and this is the top image.  This kid’s tattoo is now worse than Hitler AIDS with an ebola chaser and a side of those Sarah McLachlan animal abuse commercials plus planet-wide starvation and poverty.

Good thing you know that now.

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