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The 2011 Douchebag Tournament Opening Ceremonies

You’ve been furtively masturbating for weeks in the hope this day would approach and it’s finally here kids.  Put away that olive oil and put on your reading glasses, the 3rd Annual Holy Taco Douchebag Tournament has landed!  Watch out for poo.  You can check out 2010 here and 2009 here to get a feel for the tourney and then, once you’re done feeling them, come back here and check out this year’s showdown.

Day 1 Round 1 is here!

Day 1 Round 2 is here!

Day 2 Round 1 is here!

Round 2 day 2 is here!

The Sweet 16 is here!

The Elite 8 is here!

The Final 4 is here!

douchebag tournament

How the Tournament Works:

The world is lousy with douchebags but some stand head and shoulders above the rest.  We’ve chosen 64 miscreants from the last year whose rank vinegar and water stench makes them standouts in their douchiness.  Drawing from the fields of Entertainment, Politics, Sports and a new category we’re calling Wildcard, we’ve picked the best and the brightest of the worst and the lowest and pit them head to head.  The Tournament runs for 10 days (March 16 – 26) and each day we’ll present new match ups for you to vote on.  It’s so scientific you’ll be as educated at the end of this as you would be if you graduated from DeVry.  Losers will be banished back to the land of Massengill, winners move on to the next round of voting until one douche stands supreme above all others and gets crowned champion!  Check back daily for new match ups as we tally the votes and move on with the madness.  Now on to this year’s brackets where some old douches return and new douches try to make a name for themselves.

If you’re a betting man it’s time to bust out the vermouth and some nickels, a few friends and enough burritos to ride out the whole tourney.  We’ll update the brackets daily so you can follow along.  Now check over the players, pick your pony and get ready – the internet won’t know who to make fun of if you don’t do your part.

46 Responses to "The 2011 Douchebag Tournament Opening Ceremonies"

  1. Lance Bass says:

    The brackets are always such bullsh1t. They’re rigged to generate a specific outcome.

  2. Lance Bass says:

    As every year, the brackets are complete bullsh1t. They’re rigged to generate a specific outcome.

  3. Splivins says:

    Favre should be seeded much higher.

  4. vanqueefer says:

    wtf charlie sheen is total win how can you nominate him as a dousche bag.

  5. H8er says:

    OMFG!!! Westboro v Terry Jones. The winner will be one of those two.

  6. Kermit says:

    I Guess Im a douchebag for not knowing half the people here

  7. UrethraFranklin says:

    Sarah Palin v. Bristol Palin, huh…

    if Sarah Palin wins doesn’t that make Bristol Palin a douchebag by association?

  8. jittah says:

    So many douchebags in the sports world other than America, wheres El Hadji Diouf, Ibrahimovic, Jose Mourino, etc?

  9. fo' shizzle my crizzle says:

    oh wow, tough competition

  10. Grammar Nazi says:

    Tough one, with westbourough and Hipsters up there… But I’ve got my money on Hipsters. They fucking annoy me.

  11. Eat Shit says:

    Wtf? Steve Jobs isn’t on there???

  12. gus says:

    (14)the situation vs (3)snooki… thats like the championship game there….

  13. joe says:

    im stuck between jesse james and charlie sheen

  14. Hugh Jass says:

    Excellent bracket. Can’t wait to watch this one over the next few weeks.

  15. squalid says:

    you forgot “Liberal Cock Suckers”

    • Dennis Nedry says:

      If a woman is sucking your cock, is her political orientation truly relevant? Even her sexual orientation doesn’t mean a whole lot at that point unless The Crying Game is playing somewhere in the background or you are a Scottish sociopath named Begbie.

  16. Dennis Nedry says:

    I love your thumbnail images, especially of Sarah Palin and Christine O’Donnell. Instead of mass animal deaths, why not put a picture of Kirk Cameron in there instead? Only Fox News would ask that pop tart if the animal deaths represented a sign of The Second Coming. Why isn’t Fox News asking if leaking radiation in Japan will give rise to a real-life Godzilla? They featured an astrologer as a market expert on Fox Business News, after all.

  17. Adam M. says:

    Sheen, Beck, NFL Owners, and Earthquakes

  18. William says:

    Why are the #1 and #2 seeds playing each other in the second round?

  19. Ricardo says:

    No Gaddafi??? What about the rest of jersey shore’s cast?

  20. captainapathy says:

    There’s room for B. Palin and Sarkozy, but there’s no room for “I slept with an underage moroccan prostitute, but since I passed a law saying that I’m immune to prosecution, you can’t do jack squat about it?” Silvio Belusconi? Wait, is Holy Taco part of the media conglomerate owned by Papa B?

  21. Kaemon Rose says:

    WBC for the win. They must have taken some Power Thirst because they’re going to win at being a douchebag forever!

  22. someone says:

    Why no Bill O Reilly?

  23. Tater says:

    Your bracket structure is all kinds of messed up. In each division, the #1 seed should be at the top, and the #2 at the very bottom. This means, they should not have to face off until they divisional championship if at all. Having a #1 vs. #2 matchup in the 2nd round is just stupid. Take a look at the official NCAA tournament brackets for an example of how the seeds should be laid out.

    Otherwise, looking forward to the douchebag tournament as I do every year!

  24. Splivins says:

    Notable snubs; John Edwards, Pete Carroll, Mark Sanchez,
    John Boehner, Barney Frank, Derek Jeter, Jim Tressel, Urban
    Meyer, Lindsey Lohan, Floyd Mayweather, Tim Tebow and anyone
    who has ever been on a reality TV show. Huge douchebags

  25. RAS says:

    Where is Rush Limbaugh? The dude laughs at Japan after the earthquake and he doesn’t even make the cut? Fail.

  26. Mixmaster2122 says:

    Haha Ian, thats funny. RAS is a douchebag. Maybe RAS should be a #1 seed next year