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The 8 Places You Probably Lost Your Virginity

You always remember where you were when you lost your virginity, and most of the time you wish you could forget it.

8 places you lost your virginity holy taco

HOW IT WENT DOWN FROM HIS PERSPECTIVE: You were pretty excited for the Kappa Delta Gamma party, so you put on your favorite striped shirt, a few dabs of Drakkar Noir and headed out for the evening. After downing a large number of vodka shooters, lemon drops and a Coors Lite beer funnel, you spy the lady of your dreams. She’s mildly overweight, has a decent case of acne and coke-bottle glasses, but through your cheap booze goggles, she looks like a combination between Carmen Electra and Angelina Jolie. After a few minutes of chatting, you ask her if she would like to go to the bathroom. Her low self-esteem forces her to say yes and you are on your way. During intercourse over the the toilet you mistake one of her stomach rolls for a breast and fondle it for the entire 45 seconds of condomless sex. Once it’s over, you confidently return to the party and inform your friends of your endeavor, where you are called “Fatty Fats Fucker” and “Pork Chop Porker” for the rest of your college career.

HOW IT WENT DOWN FROM HER PERSPECTIVE: You got talked into going to this party by your dorm mate. Once there, you ask for a drink and are handed an incredibly stiff vodka soda by some guy named Randy, who’s wearing a popped collar Lacoste shirt. Three drinks later Randy’s “Little Bro (who also happens to be named Randy) says he thinks you’re in his psychology class. You drink more to attempt to make him more tolerable and the next thing you know, you went to the bathroom to puke and you’re mid intercourse. Afterwards he starts crying about how it’s his first time and he’s sorry if it wasn’t good and to please please please not tell any of the other Bros that he cried like a bitch. Then he tells you he loves you and throws up.

8 places you lost your virginity holy taco

HOW IT WENT DOWN FROM HIS PERSPECTIVE: After hearing “Margaritaville” for the fourth time in three hours and taking a “serious toke off a seriously serious bong” you hit the beach to check out a bonfire one of your brodawg pals heard about. After ingesting more marijuana than you ever have in your entire life you make a “Me love you bong time” joke that gets a laugh from a girl who is equally as high as you. After having a really deep conversation about how the “Stars are projectors,” and “Space is just, like, time plus matter multiplied by, like, freon,” you wander off behind a sand dune to consummate your relationship with your new spiritual partner. Being as high as you are, you forget exactly what you’re supposed to be doing behind the dune. Then, after a few perplexed moments of awkwardly looking at each other, you remember why you’re there and lie on top of her while your vaguely erect penis momentarily grazes her bone-dry minge. The next day you refer to yourself as “playa” and tell your friends a very different story of how you “tapped that ass.”

HOW IT WENT DOWN FROM HER PERSPECTIVE: When it actually happened, you kind of thought that this was a truly beautiful experience that transcended the physical realm. Then, the next day, when you came out of your pot-fueled stupor you realized that he was kind of sweaty and gross and you don’t really like the smell of month-old hemp necklaces, and Birkenstocks are actually really stupid looking…and maybe it’s time to focus a little more on school so you can get a real job someday instead of hanging out with those kind of guys.

8 places you lost your virginity holy taco

HOW IT WENT DOWN FROM HIS PERSPECTIVE: You shelled out top dollar for the Holiday Inn non-smoking room, and your older brother purchased you a bottle of Jack Daniels as well as a six pack of Mike’s hard lemonade so that you would have both hard and non-hard liquor,giving your date no excuses for not drinking. When you arrive after the prom, you casually say, “let’s sit on the bed and look through our yearbooks/pictures from the prom tonight. The minute you hit the bed, Mr. Erection shows his face and it’s all you can do not to throw that year book or camera out the fucking window. Finally the pictures are done and after a few moments of awkward silence you make your move. Most likely you’re way too horny or drunk to remove all your clothing, so the pile of pants and underwear around your ankles combined with your drunkeness make it hard for you to do your business. The result is you to sort of lay on top of her and sloppily roll around like a fat seal until you’re finished.

HOW IT WENT DOWN FROM HER PERSPECTIVE: Most likely you told your girlfriends several times at prom when they asked you if you were gonna do it, “I guess prom is a cool time to lose it right? Then you pounded your sprite that you had spiked with peppermint schnapps. When the deed finally happens, you’re mostly just hoping nothing happens to the dress you’re wearing because you’re planning on taking it back or wearing it again, and either way, a semen stain fucks up the plan. At this point you’re wasted, so you don’t care that he’s basically making out with your left eyeball and finger banging your belly button which he thinks is your clitoris. When he finally sticks it in, you realize that his stank of B.O. and Jack Daniels have created a memory that will last even longer than even the shitty painting of a boat that’s adorning the wall next to the bathroom that you’re staring at for a focus point to make the room stop spinning.

8 places you lost your virginity holy taco

HOW IT WENT DOWN FROM HIS PERSPECTIVE: Hotels rooms cost money, and since you just gave a homeless guy 24 dollars to buy you two forties of Old English, you didn’t exactly have money to blow on fancy shit like “a room with a bed. After drinking the last ounce of your forty (which was approximately 84 degrees farenheit and consisting mostly of saliva and chunks of sirloin tip from your dinner at Black Angus), you went in for the kiss, and after a few moments grazed her boob and waited for a reaction. Then you braced one foot against the door and another against the passenger side seat, accidentally crushing the binder you use for homeroom, then pumped away for two and a half minutes.

HOW IT WENT DOWN FROM HER PERSPECTIVE: You held back the urge to vomit due to his entire weight pushing against your stomach which was filled with 40 ounces of malt liquor and top sirloin, while you repeatedly told him “it’s cool when he incessantly apologized for first dropping the condom rapper underneath his box of road flares and then for his inability to actually put his penis into your vagina on his own, which according to him was due to the logistics of the back seat, and not his unfamiliarity with vaginas.

8 places you lost your virginity holy taco

HOW IT WENT DOWN FROM HIS PERSPECTIVE: It had been a little while since you’d been to church, so you decided it was a good idea to go into confession. While you were there, you told the priest about all the times you’d taken the Lord’s name in vain, when you’d deceived your parents and went over a few of your recent impure thoughts in great detail. Then, all of a sudden there was a penis in your butthole and you weren’t a virgin anymore.

HOW IT WENT DOWN FROM THE PRIEST’S PERSPECTIVE: Yeah yeah yeah, you took the Lord’s name in vain, sinned against our everlasting lord and saviour Jesus Christ blah blah blah. Just say a few Hail Mary’s, a few more Our Father’s, then put my penis in your butthole and you will go to heaven.

8 places you lost your virginity holy taco

HOW IT WENT DOWN FROM HIS PERSPECTIVE: Unfortunately your bedroom was pretty near your parent’s bedroom, and since everything you know about sex to this point came from a porno film, you’re pretty sure the pleasuring of any woman will cause her to scream things like “oh fuck yes” and “fuck my pussy, at decibel levels loud enough to be heard through several walls. Thus, you suggest to your girlfriend, “Let’s watch Happy Gilmore on the big TV in the basement. Before Happy hits his first drive, you’ve moved towards her side of the couch, a couch which your mom tried to give away because it smelled like Labrador and ass sweat. When you finally get to do the deed, you have trouble figuring out where to plant your hands due to the couch having weak arm rests and way too worn cushions that have now enveloped your girlfriend like a patch of quick sand. When you’re finished, you attempt to hide the condom somewhere where you can grab it later and safely dispose of it, so your parents don’t see you with it when you come upstairs.

HOW IT WENT DOWN FOR HER PERSPECTIVE: You’re hoping he doesn’t take too long, because the frame of the couch is digging into your back, which is much more painful than the breaking of your hymen. Finally when he does finish, he decides to lay on top of you for about 50 seconds, during this time you’re pretty sure the couch has now fused with your body. You pray for him to get off you, or for death, which ever one comes first.

8 places you lost your virginity holy taco

HOW IT WENT DOWN FROM HIS PERSPECTIVE: You and the other counselors waited till the campers were asleep and got stoned off your ass. Then after retreating back to your room to eat a bag of hydrox and downing four Capri suns, you grow some balls and venture into the girls cabin, towards the counselor’s bunk whom you’ve been making out/copping feels with all summer . She sees you and gives the “slide into my bunk face, which in the dark looks a lot like the “what the fuck are you doing here, face. You take the chance it’s the former. In the bunk you very very very slowly engage in intercourse which unfortunately consists of putting it in, and then sort of slightly wiggling around until you’re done. Then you throw the condom out the window near her bunk, which most likely hits one of a group of boy campers who have hid outside in an attempt to hear you screwing.

HOW IT WENT DOWN FROM HER PERSPECTIVE: You’re high as hell, and pretty much ready to drift off to sleep when you see an acne-covered face emerge from the bottom bunk. You’ve had a crush on him all summer and know from the instant erections he gets when you make out, that this shouldn’t take long and you’ll be sleeping shortly.

8 places you lost your virginity holy taco

HOW IT WENT DOWN FROM HIS PERSPECTIVE: At first, a trip to Rome with your parents sounded pretty lame. But you have absolutely nothing else going on in your life, so you tag along with them anyway. After dinner with Mom and Dad, you tell them you’re going to go “for a walk” and head off to the bar district. Knowing very little Italian, you sit alone in a couple bars and end up talking to absolutely no one. Since you’re determined to make a night of it, and because you promised all your friends back home that you were going to get laid in Europe, you ask the bartender where the nearest “prostituta casa” is and head in that direction. When the deed is complete you’re more relieved than satisfied and wonder if you’ll have to pay for sex for the rest of your life.

HOW IT WENT DOWN FROM HER PERSPECTIVE: This is my third one tonight. Jesus, business is booming. Is there some sort of conference in town? It’s not World Cup or anything is it? I can never keep track of those goddamn sports tournaments. Why are they so popular anyway? Weird. Shit, I really need to do some laundry. Oh, and I have to pick up that dry cleaning. Why do I always keep forgetting that? I should write that down. You’re done? That’ll be 150 Euros.

249 Responses to "The 8 Places You Probably Lost Your Virginity"

  1. Kerrbs says:

    Friends basement on new years, oh ya.

  2. Josh says:

    Fu ck you walrus. You’re such a cunt.

  3. Hooker says:

    Bathroom at a party! How did you know…?

  4. Ashley says:

    Boyfriend’s bedroom, his apartment.

  5. Careeeen says:

    Almost right. I was in the bathroom, but not at a party, but I WAS drunk.

    So close enough?

  6. jojojorge says:

    you forgot the more obvious and common: your parent’s bedroom (with the maid)…

  7. Mjs says:

    A tent, grass everywhere, ughh.
    Also the writing was fine.

  8. candyman says:

    This one time at band camp…

  9. Jared says:

    Really? Not “boyfriend’s/girlfriend’s bedroom?”

    I just kind of scanned for it, and was disappointed.

  10. Peter says:

    Am I the only one that lost my virginity in the forest?

  11. heseemssonice says:

    church parking lot after school parked in my cadi, dunno about most churches but at that one -no one was ever there except wed&sunday mwuahahahaaaaaaaaa

  12. jinglebells says:

    great great greaat post!

    was wondering if the quality of the articles here went down. . but you proved me wrong.

  13. Chris says:

    Great stuff, love your web site. I haven’t been reading in a while, but I think I will now.

  14. iFunny says:

    >> Fu ck you walrus. You’re such a cunt.

    Sorry, I disagree. There is a huge difference between a walrus and a cunt. One is fishy and has whiskers. The other is a walrus.

  15. man.dovvn says:

    You came to a website called Holy Taco, clicked a link that involves 8 places you lost your virginity and expected… what? Shakespeare?

  16. Rob says:

    Well I’m disappointed … I didn’t see “In your brothers girlfriend”. Are you suggesting I’m some kind of a freak?
    Oh I see location
    Yeah, we used his bed too.☻

  17. Pwndrew says:

    # walrus Says:
    June 11th, 2008 at 6:16 pm

    “God your a shitty writer.

    Really, let me repeat, you are a hack of a writer.

    And honestly, I was looking to laugh.”


  18. Meat says:

    Hahaha, I actually lost mine on a cruise ship from Italy to Greece on a school trip.

  19. Anonymous says:


    i lol’d

  20. JohnBoyWalton says:

    Started in the shower, finished soaking wet on her bed with the sheets plastered to us. Then she gets up, matter-of-factly uses a tissue to whipe her donkey fist and says “damn you have a lot of cum.” Yeah…she was classy.

  21. Chris says:

    Breaking into a public pool after hours.

    Best ever.

    I think I was more of a pro then than I am now. Everyone has to try it in the pool with a slut that has a lot of natural lube.

  22. stink says:

    You forgot school…. high school football field all the way babe

  23. Anonymous says:

    What about the good ol’ hot tub?

  24. danielle says:

    Ha…. in a hotel but not after prom.

  25. Anonymous says:

    You’re is a contraction for you are.
    Either is acceptable.

    I respect you are more. It is more formal sounding.


    I will not sleep with fat chicks. vs.
    I won’t sleep with fat chicks.

  26. danny says:

    i lost my virginity to my dads new wife which is going to be my new mother but please dont tell my dad

  27. SmaSauras says:

    Lost mine on my bedroom floor when I was 15..
    To my best friend. While we were watching Robot Chicken. xD
    Haha he was definately a good fuck though. I’m glad he was my first. :)

  28. Busby says:

    How bout tent at the Camp? *LOL*

  29. anna says:

    the woods behind my high school! ha!

  30. marina says:

    How about a laser tag room haha

  31. cait says:

    man.. doesnt anyone have any romantic stories?? jeez >.<

  32. kikiriki says:

    The curch…. wow

  33. CARL says:


  34. Lindz says:

    we were lame… my room with everyone home
    but i cant complain since we’re still together and fucking like crazy.

  35. Keith says:

    i thought it was pretty fucking funny…

  36. PSU says:

    in the front seat of my car…would’ve been in her parent’s driveway, but she wanted to go around the corner

  37. el_veetavay says:

    Ex-girlfriend’s bedroom.

    I took a few virgins out in some of the other ones tho.

    Backseat of my car.
    Her parent’s basement.
    Our friend’s brother’s bedroom on New Years Eve.

  38. EnronBoy says:

    Venezuelan brothel at the Ambassador Hotel in Caracas before Chavez took over (the country, not the brothel)

  39. cunty cuntall says:

    In my Grandma’s bed – with my Grandpa.

  40. Phat Boi says:

    In the House Pad-Dock, next to the Gen-Set with a Goat. But it was a female Goat, ’cause I ain’t no Puffter.

  41. Baysie Ken says:

    It was a long time ago at a mate’s place in his bedroom. I fucked a PIG, and then ended up marrying her !!

  42. Dave The Rave says:

    Do Dwarfs Count ??

  43. Anonymous says:


  44. Tweenboy says:

    Neverland Ranch. I was promised lots of toys :(

  45. Sunshine says:

    In the bunk of an 18 wheeler.

  46. KE says:

    It was at a party with the birthday boy. Both of my best friends watched. I hit my head on the wall and said “fucccccccccccck” very loudly. He took that as a good sign.

  47. Chuck says:

    It was in a Sauna… Word to the not so wise, “don’t do it”.

  48. Contributor says:

    Lost mine in a dorm, never seen her again. Funny thing is, I was straight out of army boot camp, so I was fit as an pro athlete. Not to mention horny as hell.
    Funny thing, when people in the rooms next to you start turning on their TV at 3am, or shout things as “Geeeeez, you´re done yet?”, “Get it over with, I need to sleep!” or “Fucking hell I have a exam tomorrow! So would you pleeeeaaaaaaseeee suck him dry finally?”

  49. The Linkist says:

    Hope they all were wearing the new spray on condom. Check out a demonstration here.


  50. jules says:

    Lost mine in the front yard of my friends house while we were waiting for her mom to come pick us up and take us to the movies. For added fun, try and guess what grade i was in.

  51. C. says:

    Lost mine in my parents livingroom on a white sofa.

  52. Sarah says:

    Try bottom bunk at Church Camp…

    After briefly fondling his man-parts, we decided that we might as well, “get it over with,” and proceeded to my room where he dry humped me until he got it in. Pain ensued not only in my nether regions, but also on the top part of my head which banged against the wall with each emphatic thrust.

    It was magical.

  53. Mike says:

    Yeah, I was looking for bf/gf bedroom with the door open to be on here…maybe I am a little adventerous but I think a lot of my firneds did the same!

  54. Anonymousssss says:

    A lovely bed in the lovely bedroom of a lovely apartment of the lovely dude I met 2 minutes ago.

  55. Awkward Life says:

    School Hallway. Freshman Year. During A Dance.

    I feel like a whore =[

  56. SynchronEyez says:

    Hallway of my high school.
    Freshman Year.
    During the Valentines Day Dance.

    I feel bad about it now =[
    But I was only 14, and we were together 2 years afterwords.

    Thats not so bad, right? o.O

  57. Squid says:

    On the stairs of a Hotel Room during a geek convention.

  58. onemoreperson says:

    i lost mine at my boyfriends appartment when his dad wasn’t home. It was summer and really really hot. Guess what? He had no AC!

    still pretty good :)

  59. paul says:

    in tha woods ;-)

    we did it doggystyle :p

    i was 14.

    with 2 drunk chicks :p

  60. Anonymous says:

    in a tent of my best friend’s back yard with firworks going off outside. no lie. :) summer before high school.

  61. Anonymous says:

    Europe? EUROPE???

    Number one place you probably lost your virginity – A sodding CONTINENT? No shit…

    There’s about a zillion Europeans reading this going, “Not there …. not there either … bet they won’t guess it … damn, they got me on a technicality. Yes, I was in Europe at the time.”

    You might as well write “The Earth”, so nobody else feels left out.


  62. Michaela says:

    me and my friends snook out 4th of july and went to this abandoned house while every1 was chillin and drinkin at that house we went down to the road and fucked right there at the gate. thankfully no cars went by.

  63. AMF says:

    In the back of my car, with a chick I’d met the week before because she was the only chick anybody knew who was willing to go to a party at my house. I tried to bone her before we all started boozing for the second weekend in a row, but she’d already downed a pint of vodka. So she was drunk. But we’d been talking about doing it all week. It was a favor to me because I helped her get high/drunk and I was an almost 19 year old virgin. I did okay. We did it missionary at first, but then I ended up doing her doggie style, and I accidently put it in her ass, but she liked it so we kept doing anal for a while and then went back to normal sex. I lasted a good 10 minutes, surprisingly. Probably cause we switched positions two or three times.

    Oh, and she also gave me my first hand job/blow job before we started to fuck. I saw her casually for the next four months but it died off naturally. All in all not a half-bad way to lose it. Classic, while still being slightly unique.

  64. dolph says:

    in a phone box while her best mate was on the phone..

    it wot worth the 10p

  65. nickyxox says:

    i lost my virginity in a tent with my mate after i had my 15th birthday now me and him go out n have it in very inconvenient places like behind the local pub on the feeld is good xox

  66. Streeh says:

    In the backroom of a bar with a chick who had huge jugs…..after 9 Coronas. Next day my roommate pointed her out to me…the rest of her was a big as her jugs, but it was great sex.

  67. blab says:

    In your mom’s bed, while you were sleeping in the next room.

  68. sticazzi says:

    in europe of course… as I’m italian
    anyway “prostituta casa” doesn’t make any sense in italian. And, even guessing what it should mean, you’d be glad to know that “prostituta casa”, in italy, are closed and illegal since 1959.

  69. Anonymous says:

    Me, in my dad’s room while he was out. Lost mine to a co=worker from Burger King…she was, well, hot!

    Chick # 1: Popped it in her bedroom sneaking in the window from the street by climbing fence, then short-scaling wall to window ledge. Same way out too…usually at 7am.

    Chick # 2: Popped this one in my apt, my bedroom. She moved to China, but comes back for a quickie every so often. Can’t complain…still feels tight to me….

  70. Anonymous says:

    In my bathroom to my left hand at the time. It was fantastic.

    We’ve been together since :)

  71. Anonymous says:

    Hell, after school, teacher walks out, TRUSTS the kids who stayed to “finish up work” and let the two have some “After school studying…”

  72. Madeira says:

    I lost mine in my own bedroom, to the song “Walking with a ghost” by tegan and sarah to my first girlfriend (yes I am a lesbian) it was sweet

  73. supervirge says:

    As my name implies… I was just bored and felt like reading this @ 4 freakin 05 in the morning…

    I do have a Q though… and I want all of your help- my friends call me virge… where do you think they got the name from???? :-D

  74. supervirge says:

    WTF?! EPIC? do you have any clue what that word even means???

  75. Anonymous says:

    broke into a public pool at like 1 a.m.


  76. the-girl says:

    wow………i lost mine at the beach on the sand….my gosh i can still remember that day.sooo AWSOME….OHH AND WALRUS ur just not as talented

  77. Stuff-A-Knee says:

    oh yea. before all that happened,
    i almost lost it between an old walmart, and a furniture store.

  78. Eric G. says:

    on the top on my dads garage. >the roof<, at night, with a full moon and no clouds. i was 15

  79. Anonymous says:

    on somebody else’s boat in marina bay to a guy that was way too old and now i’m kinda creeped out

  80. Anonymous says:

    on the dock of the BF’s river house in the middle of the night. scary, but you cant beat out door sex..

  81. Anonymous says:

    how bout to drunk at a house party ive been rund aloy of those stories!!!

  82. Anonymous says:

    The writer of this article is really a douchebag.very good Gucci Cruise handbag

  83. kerri says:

    where r u from cuz ur story sounds familiar just like my friends

  84. Kitten says:

    On the roof of a building in the middle of the park right next to my school. There were people walking around down below who were like, wtf?? It was pretty epic. We walked around the neighborhood afterwords and we’re still walking together a year and some months later :) [we've been together almost two years].

  85. Anonymous says:

    in a closet, on acid.

  86. loboscott316 says:

    It was in my room. I was 15 she was 18. I found out later she was on her period. 3 yrs later she was murdered on the south side. This is so depressing. I think I,m gonna cry…..
    Oh yeah, funny article or whatever.

  87. ky says:

    In the back room of burger king, my manager was hot.

  88. cutepunk28 says:

    Under the bleachers after the last football game…it was awesome..

  89. Mia says:

    On his boat, inexplicably with Starburst lollies everywhere.

  90. dontCare says:

    why do i get that strange feeling that the writer was molested by a priest when he was young.. kinda figures some of his articles are full of hatred against religion specifically the catholic..tsktsk..but you have other funny shit..

  91. Anonymous says:

    14, in her dads bed, while my mate was in the room, we forgot he was there lol,

    he left after a while, dont know why it took him so long to leave.

  92. Baronvonpenisburg says:

    I lost mine in my sisters truck with my sister

  93. Anonymous says:

    Her room, both 15. Her parents were at home, did hear all but did not mind.

  94. Anonymous says:

    On my boyfriends bed in his parents house. I was on top. lol!

  95. kelly says:

    In guys apartment as the sun was coming up, his roomate was passed out in the bed nex to ours.
    second time was in my room in the floor with my friend asleep in my bed, and mom in next room.
    also walked in on that friend in my bed with a guy, he was losing his virginity.

  96. Anonymous says:

    best friends spare bedroom with his sister

  97. Anonymous says:

    her room while dad was out of town

  98. redfoxx says:

    in the woods with my boyfriend…

    i felt like animals were watching us…

  99. Anonymous says:

    in the dining room with my bf which we are still together till this day at my uncles house while my uncle and aunt-in-law was in the living room passed out and my aunt and uncle-in-law sleep. Best 5 minutes =D but dont regret it

  100. kerri says:

    kitten where r u from

  101. Anonymous says:

    the walk-in freezer at a movie theater we were both working at.. i kid you not.

  102. Stuff-A-Knee says:

    mine was on a couch in my room with my boyfriend at the time.
    my mom went to sleep right before anything actually happened,
    we were done having sex, and after we put our clothes back on, my mom walks in. :O.

  103. loboscott316 says:

    In my bedroom, I was 15 she was 18. later on I found out shge was on her period. 3 yrs later she was murdered by the owner of a massage parlor and his girlfriend…
    God this is so depressing. I think I,m going to cry….
    Oh yeah, funny article or whatever

  104. Anonymous says:

    bwahahaha. I win.

    I guess in the middle of a forest isn’t THAT much better, though.

  105. orange says:

    Um. In my bed…

    wooo.. !

  106. Mikey says:

    my g/f, at the time, and I lost our V cards together in her parents basement on the floor. we held out for about a year and a half of dating before intercourse. I asked her how it was. she explained it in one word,”Liberating”. I could not have said it better myself.

  107. Jes says:

    on the balconey off my boyfriend’s room in high school……..which in theory is kinda cool, but in reality i remember being extremely pissed because he thought it’d be funny to pause and turn on meatloaf’s “paradise by the dashboard light”, thus provinghis apparent ignorance of the fact that 1) we were not in a car and 2) Meatloaf is an annoying and untalented musician that happened to wrote an extremely aggravating song that now causes me to cringe every time i hear it.

  108. callumny says:

    Army barracks!

  109. Anonymous says:

    How about in a park, in the rain? It was the best!

  110. A 28-year old guy says:

    I lost my virginity in my imagination. =(

  111. Anonymous says:


  112. charmer girl says:

    my parent’s bed

  113. Ace says:

    Mile High Club Ladies and Gents =]

  114. Kylw says:

    The back seat of my baby blue 1989 pontiac grand am. i can safely say it was the best 45 seconds of her life. i am a god.

  115. Sarge says:

    New Years, Resort, Mexico. After way too much tequila. At age 13. I feel dirty.

  116. Un1K3n says:

    Inside the walk-in fridge of a White Hen (for those who don’t know White Hen, think 7-11), right behind the milk. Oh, and stopping every few minutes when she had to go out and ring up a customer.

  117. Anon says:

    Is it just me, or is this article really sexist? Every male perspective makes them look like crap, and every female perspective makes them look aloof and uncaring. I’m pretty sure both sexes have their shares of people who are terrible at sex, not just men. I mean christ, it’s not like every woman in the world lies there like a dead fish, idly pondering if she left the oven on.

  118. sarahmichelle says:

    Funny stuff..
    BUT Carly Elwes and Danny Glover aren’t locked in the bathroom in Saw.
    Cary Elwes and Leigh Whannell are.

    Other then that, awesome!

  119. Kit says:

    OMG — hilarious!

    Bedroom, when the ‘rents weren’t home. Best 3 minutes of my life. ;D

  120. Anonymous says:

    …with this girl, who had been stalking me, on her couch -> living room floor.

  121. Impossible says:

    How is it that no one has said “your mom’s house” yet?

    What the fuck?

  122. Shave Her Bald says:

    In her bed while her husband was at Myrtle Beach with his mistress.

  123. jack says:

    front seat of a car while in the country with mates
    was drunken, and she kicked the hazard lights on
    allowing most to know what was going on
    quite funny!

  124. hell says:

    a public bathroom with another girl… hehe.

  125. Buster says:

    My bedroom, for 45 minutes and still didn’t nut. All though either she was having trouble breathing or she was having an orgasm. I pick the latter.

  126. Biff says:

    Lost mine in my bedroom at my parent’s house. It rocked because we went there after school let out and after fucking a few times I ended up going to a huge party with all kinds of booze with her to sort of celebrate the occassion.

  127. Jake says:

    On my sister’s bedroom floor with her best friend who was sleeping over. After a lot of fumbling it finally went in and I finished after a few seconds. From the sounds coming from my sis in the bed, she seem’d to be enjoying the experience too.

  128. Dave says:

    After party of a high school play.The party hosts little sisters room, also my first time drinking.

  129. babel says:

    I’m pretty sure ‘rapper’ has a W.

    Condom wrapper.

    Yeah that sounds right.

  130. EH says:

    I’ve NEVER seen a frat bathroom that clean. I mean, the toilet doesn’t even have piss around the rim.

  131. John says:

    my bed, my boss 4 years older than me, no liqour….haha

  132. Anonymous says:

    “God your a shitty writer.

    Really, let me repeat, you are a hack of a writer.

    And honestly, I was looking to laugh.”

    God, you’re a shitty writer.
    Really, let me repeat: you are a hack of a writer.
    And, honestly, I was looking for a laugh.

    I fixed that for you. English is fun!

  133. chem says:

    back seat of a car. every word was true lol.

  134. mhmmm.. says:

    i lost mine to my boss who was 10 years older then me… eventhough at the time id already stopped working for him, so it doesnt really count:P

  135. someone else says:

    I’m absolutely shocked that I seem to be the first person here to say “dorm room”. It was… well… not my best work, but I beat the average by far. Still, there was no doubt a lot of fumbling and stuff going on, to be sure.

  136. Angel says:

    Actually, i can hoenstly say that i’m 16 and still 100% pure!!! anyone wanna fuck?
    philippians_4_verse_13@hotmail.com…. let me know. I live in Australia! :P

  137. lmaoooo says:

    my best mates bed while she was in the livingroom with my boyfriends brother and best friend haaa

  138. Mina says:

    Aww the place where I lost my virginity wasn’t there.. on a persian prayer rug

  139. Tom says:

    It was all going grand til the priest reference? Why the hell did you lower yourself? Didnt make it funnier, merely set it at a certain level.

    the HOTTEST celeb pics on the net (12000+).

  140. Anonymous says:

    on the ground in a park in the middle of the night haha

  141. Anonymous says:

    Same, except the sprinklers came on right as we started…

  142. Matt says:

    No dressing room? Damn that was scary but worth it.

  143. Hich17 says:

    Tom – Agreed. Still pretty funny, but… That was unnecessary. Didn’t make it funnier.

  144. Matt again says:

    Haha look at the only anonymous person from August 6th. He/she rips on the author for being a “shitty writer” but somehow cannot spell you’re right. It’s not your, you don’t own a shitty writer.

  145. Billiam says:

    With my g/f, who is al so my ex’s sister, in their guest room which had power ranger sheets on it…. oh and my ex was down stairs and she heard all 30 min of it…. it was BAD A$$

  146. Michael says:

    The lay out bed of my friend’s grandparent’s cruising van after homecoming.
    Classy as fuck.

  147. Chazz says:

    bathroom in a hotel while on a high school chior trip in boston

  148. anon says:

    Cuboard/attic room at my boyfriends house. his dad walked in.

  149. Anonymous says:

    with my teammates wife on the beach. would’ve gotten away with it except i was so drunk i didn’t notice all the hickeys she was giving me. next morning all hell broke loose when he found me on the floor of my hotel room all marked up. i was 17 she was 23 with two kids.

  150. Puff says:

    On the couch of my BF’s parent’s house,
    but we moved to his bed cuz we didn’t want to get blood everywhere!
    (damn, i wish I had a better one than that, It just never occurred to me to fuck in the bushes or a church parking lot till after I had lost it…)

  151. Anonymous says:

    pizza place.

  152. jdaif says:

    Lawn furniture at a party in front of a bunch of people. I was too drunk to put a condom on properly, but thankfully was also too drunk to blow my load.

  153. Katie says:

    I looked for the boyfriend’s/girlfriend’s room also.
    All except it was in his room, with the door open, covers off, and his dog watching. Thank god his mother wasn’t home.
    I still laugh at that experience. Wonderful and hilarious at the same time. Best 7 minutes of my life.
    We’re still together. He kicks his dog out now. If we’re at his mom’s house.

  154. Under the bleachers at the high school football field

  155. sup2069 says:

    my room!

  156. Jesse says:

    In her room after we came from Easter Sunday’s dinner. We beat her parents home. ;)

  157. Anonymous says:

    dorm room

  158. Mitsik says:

    I wish you could write better. :/

  159. Anonymous says:

    my own bed whilst parents were out :p

  160. steve-0 says:

    on my friend’s bed…… while he was trying to break the door down to keep me from screwing on his bed….. with his older sister btw

  161. heh. says:

    boyfriend’s bedroom =\ BORING.
    listening to weezer’s blue album though :)

  162. Z says:

    In a Dock house over looking the lake at sunset

  163. mel says:

    boyfriend’s bedroom. no one home. classic. borring. but still.
    ;) four times. LonGggg sessions.
    first. to new born by muse
    his fave band :)
    best day of my life.
    still together.

  164. girl that loves her drink says:

    at the end of summer before school started was out drinking bumped into this hot guy and we went back to my school and broke in. it was so much fun!!my school has camera’s and when i went back to school in fall i was so scaared i was caught we left empty cans of beer in there too!

  165. me says:

    playground in the middle of the night! woohoo!

  166. agrace says:

    in a movie theatre that was completely empty except for me and my then-boyfriend

    oh yeah ;-)

  167. rayne says:

    Her mom’s bed, after her mom giving us the condom. at 14 :)

  168. Tails says:

    With my good friend Jill. (Place ur right hand on a desk and see what that spells.)

  169. Mile High says:

    In the airplane. I joined the mile high club and lost my virginity. :) We’re married now with 2 kids! Haha.

  170. Anonymous says:

    try your boyfriend’s friend’s brother’s bedroom floor after a couple seriously serious bong rips.

  171. N says:

    Back of a pickup when I was 14 taking my boyfriend at the time home. While my mom was driving.. Yup yup..

  172. lol says:

    Written in a shitty manner…that’s about it. That fact took away from its enjoyment.

  173. nObOdY says:

    During Church, on a random car’s bonnet while on the streets (at night)

  174. sara says:

    i lots it in a bathroom in iraq with my married sgt friend

  175. sara says:

    i lost it in a bathroom in iraq with my married sgt friend

  176. Antonio Italian loverboy says:

    I met a beautiful scottish girl on my travels. It was nice, yes?

  177. soopercooper says:

    Holiday house in Namibia – That’s in the South West Coast of Africa for all you Republicans.

  178. supercooper says:

    Holiday house in Namibia – That’s in the South West coast of Africa for all you Republicans

  179. Well, I pretty much did the hymen breaking myself. We tried once, and it wouldn’t go in, so I went to the bathroom and did a little exploring… I can’t believe I never put anything in there until I was like 17 haha. So the next time we did it, I was already on the rag, in his bed, at his parent’s house. The headboard was banging and everyone was asleep downstairs. Also, a really really loud ass-smack that we still crack up about. It was awesome, and we’ve been together ever since.

  180. Anonymous says:

    Cindy ?!?

  181. Jessica says:

    ohmygod this is so fucking funny. hahahahhahahahha

  182. Anonymous says:


  183. tumultuous says:

    Couple of cliches rolled into one- after Senior Prom, in his parent’s van (I count three). The best part-right after we finished, we’re still naked, and the cops knock on the window! The cop was my ex-boyfriend’s dad, too. Oh man… hahaha

  184. Achilles says:

    Hey Anonymous,

    How did your friend know who gave you those hickey’s?

  185. Arrestable says:

    IN the front seat of a VW Bug on a fire road near Griffith Park Los Angeles Nazifornia.

    It should have been better and with someone I had feelings for but hey she was open to it so what the hell.

  186. scoop says:

    Beach, middle of the night, didnt really like the chick, but she was up for it, and I was horny… was her sfirst too… i think she ended up becoming a slut after that…

  187. Anonymous says:

    On the beach on the trampoline deck of my Hobie Cat. Until then, I did not realize that boat was seeing more action that summer than I will ever see in my entire life.

  188. Anonymous says:

    me too on a futon on my b-day…probably the worst present anyone ever gave me :(

  189. Anonymous says:

    in the bed of a pick-up.

  190. Keven says:

    In the over the cab bed in her fathers RV, with her dad driving and her mom sitting next to him, we were slow and quiet till she came and went into giggle fits. Which she always did when she came.

  191. chuck says:

    best site ever

  192. TimTimma says:

    Her Dad’s pool table. :)

  193. walrus says:

    God your a shitty writer.

    Really, let me repeat, you are a hack of a writer.

    And honestly, I was looking to laugh.

  194. Hooligan says:

    HA!! Summer camp….it’s like you know me..

  195. cory says:

    Common Walrus, your not really mean that don’t you no?

  196. justin says:

    Well Cory, in Walrus’s defense, it is difficult to spell check three lines of text. Let’s not let his message about us sucking be lost due to his misuse of “your.” That said, I could tell from his tone that he meant you suck more than I suck.

  197. skimmy headliner says:

    Dumb. Cliche. I don’t need to read all of the words to know that you are working on the most surface level.
    Good luck with that.

  198. Kenneth says:


    Don’t be a dick. Be nice to people. The writing was fine.

  199. Anonymous says:

    for me it was the drive way [does the make a whore?]

  200. Rich says:

    Am i the only one here who had sex inside of an oberweis ice cream parlor? lol

  201. yay says:

    wow danny, you’re fucking weird.

  202. Tom says:

    8 places I lost my virginity?

    I only lost it once, the other times were just sex.

  203. louise says:

    my bed, free house, my boyfriend.

    am i boring or wht :L

  204. Anonymous says:

    hotel room in whistler . chea!

  205. Steve says:

    I lost mine watching A Man Apart in my room on surround sound while my parents were in the living room. Surprised I did not see “on the beach” or
    “in the rain”.

  206. Scott says:

    Yeah… I guess doing it in a bedroom is so passé these days. By the way, I nominate JohnBoyWalton for comment of the week.

  207. a polyamorous bisexual girl says:

    Well I guess I’m just plain boring, lol… I lost my het-virginity, to my boyfriend at the time, in my own bedroom. I lost my homo-virginity to my girlfriend at the time, in her bedroom.

  208. Keeblerkahn says:

    You forgot the Boy Scout Jamboree.

  209. Serinity says:

    Haha, I guess the RV isn’t in this one is it?

  210. Dubie says:

    Back seat of the car after Prom. It was a good time.

  211. Tombot says:

    In Russia, virginity loses you.

  212. Spinstra says:

    After school, in the faculty lounge…. yeah.
    Screw prom, thats like 420, for amateurs.

  213. Agent K says:

    How about this one for size:

    I lost my virginity at my girlfriend’s parent’s house, pretty much under instruction from her father.

    Oh, and the pack of trojans my aunt gave me for the trip… did not fit… at all… hurt to put them on, and that was before the flag was raised. So the experience was less than… optimal…

  214. Mikey says:

    Sounds like the writer never lost her virginity – sure the first time is awful, but maybe this raging dyke should eat some carpet and STFU.

    Also, backseat of the car ftw.

  215. Bob says:

    Louise, I’m with you! I ditched school with my girlfriend, my bed, middle of the day so we could take our time. Then my dad called the house while we were going at it. And yes, my dumb ass picked up the phone!

  216. walrus is an idiot says:

    Walrus, very nice of you to criticize the writing when you can’t distinguish between you and you’re. FYI, you’re is a ocntraction indicating you are, your is possessive now get back to studying for the SATs you soon to be state school dropout.

  217. Phil says:

    RV parked in her driveway with her best friend watching. I believe that was a little uncomfortable for her firend but probably not as uncomfortable as when I did her in a playground tunnel.

  218. not the walrus says:

    you suck at writing. fail fail

  219. Don says:

    In my bedroom that I grew up in, house empty, with the hottest girl I’ve ever had sex with and who I loved but who eventually turned out to be annoyingly dumb. It was her first time too and apparently enjoyed it since afterward she said we’ll have to do that again with a smile but unfortunately we never did. Only odd thing was that she kept her legs straight, I didn’t think to bend them for her.

  220. That article rules. Most men think they’re studs, and most women give it away too easily, and then they wonder why they lack self respect.


  221. John says:


    How about this, back of a charter bus full of kids on a band trip.

  222. Jared says:

    highschool darkroom, photography class…

  223. Dan says:

    hahah this was great…. dont worry about what all these posers are writing…. they dont have friends anyways…

  224. Happy says:

    Girlfriend’s room in a dormitory at an all-womens college during “no male visitors” hours…

  225. Mike says:

    Jesus, how do you miss dorm room? Or at least, my dorm room bed with a girl I hated 48 hours before, who happened to be my floormate’s sister. It didnt help that afterwards, she admitted that she blew her brother. Great, I have THAT one in the book for life moments.

  226. Watcher says:

    Lost mine at summer camp. An all-boy’s summer camp. (Don’t worry – he was the same age as me.)

  227. Mike says:

    Mike, that’s pretty weird…

    But at least you didn’t blow your brother… I’d much rather have the fact that I slept with a girl who committed incest in my book than committing incest.

  228. anon says:

    Lol “Europe”

  229. brandon says:

    haha “parents basement”

  230. Dan123 says:

    A 5 star hotel in Morocco. Absolutely no complaints here.

  231. uncle greggie says:

    In a cemetary. No, we weren’t interrupted by funeral procession. I never found out ’til after that she was on her period. Yes, a memory that I still cherish.

  232. Beezlebub says:

    In the desert in between my High School and a major road. I swear schoolbuses of people would pass by, and I just hoped and prayed no one could see my naked ass.

  233. roof says:

    it was almost on a roof… haha, a school roof… neither of us went to that school.

    but it ended up being in a changing room… with people around… pretty great. lol.

    and i’m suprised, somebody else did it in a playground tunnel =D

  234. tiffany says:

    cousin’s husband for 7 years in thier room… i felt bad…4 months later they split up.

  235. Ashley says:

    LOL I think I’ve got you all beat! I had sex for my first time in a public pool in front of about 1000 people! Oh god, it was awesome..

    No, I lied.. about the awesome part, everything else is true

  236. supervirge says:


  237. supervirge says:

    Dude, you are so right, its no joke!

  238. Kay Kay says:

    Backseat of my car. ;)

  239. John thomas says:

    Outstanding and well written. It was the back seat of a 1969 Camaro in the Summer of 1981 for me after a Rush concert!


  240. vge says:


  241. EF Matt says:

    we over at EAR FARM enjoyed this post so much we made a corresponding 8 Places You Probably Lost Your Virginity mix…


  242. Hell To The NO! says:

    Death Metal Maniac Says:
    June 13th, 2008 at 8:31 am
    That article rules. Most men think they’re studs, and most women give it away too easily, and then they wonder why they lack self respect.
    Oh NO YOU DID NOT just say that!
    FUMF,’women’ don’t “give it away”, GIRLS give it away.
    This article was funny :)

  243. airplane restroom!…

    adrenaline was all over our blood


  244. Logan says:

    Damn, Ashley, 7 years? That’s pretty impressive.

    Lost mine on a park bench and had a family bike past us with two small, old enough to be scarred for life, children. I don’t regret it, fuck other people and their future mental issues.

  245. Logan says:

    Oops, I meant Tiffany, still, that’s a long-ass time to fuck.

  246. Eucalyptus88 says:

    With Rosie the Mexican pro in the B-47 Club in Nogales, Sonora. We remained friends for years.

  247. Anonymous says:

    europe. but not to a prostitute, to my roommate’s friend, in my bed.

    it was awful. i ended up vomited on. great experience! lol not.