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The Best Feminist Revolution Ever is Iran’s Female Ninja Revolution

When women in America wanted to be treated equally, they burned their bras and refused to shave their armpits. In Iran, women become ninjas – extremely badass ninjas.

Think about this: these women took the hijab and the chador, the two articles of clothing Muslim women are forced to wear to hide them from the world, and they’ve turned them in to elements of stealth combat. The clothing that oppressed them is now what makes them deadly. That’s so goddamn badass – it almost sounds like the plot of a Tarantino grindhouse throwback, in which a group of fed-up Muslim chicks decide to fight back against the ruthless men that oppressed them by using their clothing to fade in to the night and learning kung fu.

This sets the bar for future feminist revolutions very high. Once your feminist revolution hits the ninja phase, a whole new metric for success must be created. Here are some suggestions:

1)      Female Sun Punchers, aka women that punch the sun with their fists

2)      Preventing alien invasions after men tell women that women can’t fight aliens because of vagina, and then never once further elaborating on that point.

3)      Teenage Mutant Ninja Female Iranian Turtles


So far, there are around 3,500 Iranian women officially on track to become full-fledged ninjas. While this is probably doing wonders those women’s confidence as they live in a world that thinks very little of them, there has to be a larger end game here, and that end game is the establishment of female fighting force of ultra-badass women that roam the streets of Theran ripping out the throats and testicles of abusive, barbaric men. They should call themselves Iran-a-hole In Your Ass, and their primary weapons should be stones, to add in a touch of comedic irony as the stones symbolize the very stones used to kill Muslim women as a form of capital punishment.

Man, I just got my hopes up for an insane Iranian female revolution. This all had better happen and soon, because these women deserve their freedom, but more importantly, I want to wake up one morning, turn on CNN and hear about how the Ayatollah got his beard spin-kicked off his head by a bunch of Arab Pam Griers.

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