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The Headlines You’ll Read The Day After Charlie Sheen Makes An Appearance at the Gathering of the Juggalos

Charlie Sheen Juggalos

That descriptive title above says it all. Charlie Sheen, the man that reached the status of ultra-famous by taking on the qualities of the coolest patient at the sanitarium, will, for some reason, join forces with the Insane Clown Posse and essentially emcee their annual festival of music and venereal disease. No one knows why this is happening. Trying to find logic in this will be tantamount to tossing your brain in to the mind of a god, thus absorbing all of the gods knowledge and then going insane as a result.

Seeing as this pairing seems highly volatile, we’ve whipped up some headlines you might read the after the event has taken place. If any of these turn out to be right, Holy Taco will officially become your new source for extremely obvious things that anyone could have predicted. Also, according to the tweet above, Charlie Sheen goes down on clowns. Maybe I misread that.

“Sheen, Clowns, Killed In Whore Stampede”

“Illiterates Celebrate Mediocrity By Rubbing Musical Dirty In Ears”

“All Wack-Ass Bitch-Dick Pussies Held As Suspects In Midget Punting Murder”

“Sheen’s Claim of ‘Winning’ While At Juggalo Gathering Viewed As False, Contradictory”

“In World First, Literal Train Wreck Stops Mid-Wreck To Watch Figurative 2011 Juggalo Gathering Train Wreck”

“Chaos Erupts At Gathering of Juggalos: “Everyone’s Just Shitting In Their Own Hands, Like Apes,” says Attendee”

“Warlock And Wicked Clowns Meet, Are Slain By Demon Hunters”

“Herpes Becomes Sentient and Anthropomorphic, Attends Juggalo Gathering”

“Juggalos Shower Sheen With Love, Jagged Rocks”

“Local Residents Complain of High Fecal and Cheetos Content In Water Supply In Wake of Juggalo Gathering”

 

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