For most people, December 2nd, 2010, was just another Thursday. But for the brave men and women who work at the Break Media help desk, it was a date that will live in infamy.
At 6:57 pm (PST), a user named “Tom” sent a message that is either an epic act of trolling or the dumbest message that has ever been sent in the history of electronic communication. The message was in regard to a video posted on Break.com entitled “Cats getting Shot by Lasers (scroll down to watch). We now present the message to you in its entirety, although it has been altered slightly for obscene language.
Tom, Dec 02 06:57 pm (PST):
I have enjoyed break for the last 7 years. I have seen all kinds of dumb ass and even cruel things. F**K these people that submitted cats being shot by lasers. Shame on you for showing it. Remove it. It is f**ked up…you have to agree.
As you can see, the content of the message is asinine, and borders on disturbing. In fact, it was so stupid, the Help Desk forwarded it on to the writers of Holy Taco to deal with. The IT team gets paid to deal with stupid people (i.e. me) and their idiotic questions (How do I open my email?) on a daily basis, so if they are shocked by a comment, it must be bad.
First of all, I’d like to thank “Tom for visiting Break.com for the past seven years. His continued support has helped make Break Media a leader in online entertainment for men. Second, since he’s been coming to the site for seven years, I’m assuming he’s an adult, or at the very least, a teenager. Unless he started visiting the site when he was in his mother’s womb, he’s at least seven. This is important, because even a seven-year old should be able to tell the difference between the real world and the world of make believe.
With that in mind, what would drive a person to write such a letter? Does Tom actually think that someone is killing cats with lasers, filming it, adding background music, and posting it on Break.com? Does he actually think that lasers exist. To be fair, lasers do exist. But weaponized lasers that can be easily used on household pets are still years away. Is Tom unaware of this fact? Doesn’t he find it odd that he has never seen a laser, or heard about someone getting shot with a laser on the news, yet the person who made this video is lasering cats? Does he think the person who made the video also invented a laser, and rather than using it fight crime or commit crimes, he’s sitting around offing kittens?
Let’s assume for a moment that Tom is correct, and that the person in the video does have a real laser. Did he not notice that the same cat/cats keep getting shot over and over again? Did he not notice that after the cat is shot, he’s still moving, and does not appear to be in any pain? My point is that even if these cats are being shot by lasers, the lasers are clearly set to stun. While stunning a cat with a laser isn’t exactly nice, I hardly think it warrants the outrage expressed in Tom’s complaint.
I can’t help but wonder what other videos Tom thinks are real. Does he think that Keyboard Cat is actually playing the keyboard? Does he think the Dramatic Chipmunk is really being dramatic? God help Andy Samberg if Tom ever comes across the “Laser Cats SNL skit.
In closing, I’d like to commend Tom for his strong moral compass and his commitment to fighting animal cruelty. I’ve heard it said that you can judge a society by how it treats its animals, and I greatly respect people like Tom who fight on their behalf. And as it turns out, I just got an email about a cat that is looking for a good home. Tom, if you’re out there, please see the picture below for details. Thanks.