Mmm, Arby-Q. That looks good. What is that, some kind of sauce? Is it like barbecue sauce? Arby-Q, barbecue…oh, I get it. It’s like a barbecue sandwich. Only, because I’m at Arby’s, it’s called an Arby-Q. That’s clever. I could put that in a song.
Oh, look at that, their French Fries are curly. That’s a treat. Not enough people have fun with food. I can’t believe I’ve never been here before, this place is delightful. Oh, look, there’s a dollar menu, that’s a good value. People really come down hard on fast food sometimes, but if you’re in a hurry and tight on cash, it’s really a good deal sometimes. Maybe I’ll get a milkshake off of that menu, I haven’t had any diary today.
This fellow in front of me has some interesting slacks on. What is that, suede? No, they don’t make suede slacks do they? Seems like it would chafe. Some kind of canvas? It’s not khaki right, that means green I think. Yes, I think to be properly khaki it must be a shade of green. Khaki is a shade of green. Although I think I had tan khaki’s once. I wonder how that came to be. That’s weird. I’ll write a letter about that later. Maybe Ask.com knows.
There’s a chocolate turnover on the dollar menu for dessert, oh, I like that. Is it chocolate inside? I had an apple turnover years ago, it was scrumptious. Oh my, I think I had that at Slash’s house. Hmm. Oh Saul, how young we both were.
What time is it? Oh my, after 12 already. The days do go by. I hope I can finish a few more chapters in my book this afternoon, then get to the yard. Mr. Withers really needs to control his cat, this is the third time I’ve found feces in my azaleas. I just can’t make myself believe his cat has such a balanced diet low in phosphates that I can be at ease with it fertilizing my garden.
This fellow sure has a hearty appetite, quite the order he’s putting through here. Goodness, he’s ordered two Pepsi’s. I used to be able to drink a lot of soda in the 90’s. I wish I still had that constitution but it will absolutely keep me up all night if I drink that. Maybe I can have a Sprite, that seems lighter. No caffeine or artificial colors, I appreciate that.
Oh, I’m getting a text. This delightful Smartphone has been a lifesaver for keeping up on business and correspondence, I must say. What a marvelous age we live in.
Why, this is preposterous. The record company wants to book Guns n Roses and Velvet Revolver at the same benefit concert? They want me to work with Slash again? And Velvet Revolver is headlining?
Suck my f*cking ass you jackholes! You think you can f*ck with me? I will cave your skull in with a mic stand and stuff it full of goddamn Arby-Q’s and khaki pant wearing dipshits, I am not anyone’s bitch! I will light this f*cking building on fire. I will f*cking quit music altogether you shit bandit ball juggling idiots! I HEADLINE! I DO NOT MAKE MONEY FOR SLASH! F**********************************CK!
Courtney Love & Muppet Sexual Assault
Playboy’s Big Dance March Madness Bracket Challenge
This one’s pretty lame, but still cooler than anything those Ivy League douches at Maxim are doing. I actually read an article in Maxim where they referred to Will Smith’s kid as a “cutie.” Seriously? A “cutie”?
This is supposed to be a men’s magazine, not a GD woman’s journal.
bjg
Sir, there is nothing lame about Axl Rose or Arby’s
Except this “article” of yours, Ian.
That’s hurtful.
They should bottle Arby Q sauce, sell it at the store and please make the openning wide!
YOU’RE GONNA DINE!!!!
I just puked in my mouth a bit.
Yeah, Arby’s is gross
Why does everyone feel the need to puke in their mouths? Just puke on the floor like a real man.
“I haven’t had any diary today” type fail
Oh man, there was a typo and you totally said “fail” and then we all saw it and it was like awesome
Hey Ian, I’m gonna go ahead and put you on a 3 day a week rotating schedule. It’s obvious that your ideas, talent, writing skills and hygiene fade after only a few days at “The work place.” Take this weekend to really reflect on you career and sexuality and try to get your focus back. We all hope to see you here bright and early (11:30ish) Monday mourning. Also, try to wear something low-cut and sexy, you have the boobs now show em’ off a little.
My hygiene is pretty static throughout the week.
static = substandard
Yes, thank you. To the front of the class, young man.
Bitch bitch bitch, buncha housewives!
No mention of Axl Rose and Vince Neil from Motley Crue, that little incident remains unresolved if I’m not mistaken.
Axl 1 – Vince 0
Axl Rose putting Arby-Q sauce in a song? Well he did put the words “cool ranch dressing” into one song completely at random, so I guess stranger things have happened.