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The Kraken Is Real

Good news, what you’ve believed all along is absolutely true (for the most part) and there is (sort of) scientific proof — the Kraken is real. Just in case you’re not familiar with what a Kraken is, it’s that giant octopus-like monster that, according to mythology (which is now apparently history), jumps out of the water cracks a ship full of pirates in half, and drags it back down to its cave. Previously, the Kraken was just believed to be a myth, kind of a giant, monstrous, pre-historic version of the octopus. A beast whose power and size were exaggerated by sailors who were telling sea stories to drunken wenches. Now, according to paleontologist Mark McMenamin, not only its existence, but its monstrosity were very real.

McMenamin is basing his claim on a discovery he made in a Nevada desert this last summer. What he found was a pile of ichthyosaurus bones in front of a cave, all of which seemed to be from ichthyosauruses that were killed at different times. The kraken would use those bones to hide the entrance to its cave. Which, side not, is pretty bold move on the part of the kraken. The kraken’s like “How can I hide the entrance to my cave, while simultaneously telling people to piss off? Oh, I know, I’ll just put the bones of my victims in front of my place.” It probably didn’t do a very good job of hiding the entrance, but I’m sure it let the ichthyosauruses know they should stay clear. Kind of like when my uncle would put the shoes neckties he stole from Mormons on his front door step, so that the other Mormons would know not to knock on his door.

Also, this probably won’t surprise you at all, but McMenamin is kind of a joke in the scientific community. Recently, someone updated his Wikipedia page, listing his nickname as “McMinimal” which is taking a jab at the lack of research he’s done regarding the actual existence of the Kraken. I bet joke set off a few laughing fits followed by inhaler hits.

Check out the full article at Washington Post

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