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The Lamest Dance Moves Of All Time

They say that guys who know how to dance are better at getting girls. Watch these videos and learn a thing or two, so next time you’re out at the bar, you can make sure you will never, ever, ever get a girl.

8. Do The Douche
Cut off jean shorts? Check. Gloriously tanned man-boobs? Check. The ability to play the air/dick guitar? Check. With this guy it’s not a matter of if he’ll get a woman, it’s a matter of how ugly she’ll be.

7. Mark “Mad Dog” Madsen
You’d think professional athletes would have a little more coordination than your average person. You won’t think that anymore after seeing Mark shame himself in front of millions of people.

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6. Al McGuire
I don’t think I need to add anything to this.

5. Old Man Mash
I can’t decide which part of this video I like best. Is it the pure joy of watching an old man dance like a gay zombie? Or is it the irony of watching an old man (who won’t survive much longer) dance to Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive.” I’ll go with both.

4. The Den Room Dynamo
For what he lacks in age, this kid more than makes up for with his impressive repertoire of dance moves. He does it all, from the “Wrist Flop Fist Pump” to the “Disabled Running Man” to possibly his greatest move, the “Air Lasso Hip Thrust” which obviously does a good job of wrangling in the bitches (in this case we mean the lady dog in his room).

3. Fat Enough For Ya?
This guy knows a few things. First of all, a tucked in t-shirt is pure style. He also knows that even though Dance Dance Revolution skills don’t translate to real dancing, it doesn’t matter because DDR impresses chicks way more. Just look at how many chicks are watching him. One thing he doesn’t know, however, is how to balance.

2. Pretty Ricky’s Late Night Special
I was totally wondering how five 13-year-olds were going to totally sex me up. Well, now I know.

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1. Dancing or Fighting?
In this video we get to see how far the older son on Mr. Belvedeere can take the color purple, dance fighting, and a killer song. Twenty seconds in, we get to see the first impressed female (though she may be more intrigued by the “cooked Spaghetti” line). At 1:04, babe number two comes in, and she is a total MILF. At 1:29, the last babe shows up to check out these awesome dance-thugs. To all the aspiring gangsters out there, take a lesson from these guys and step up your game.

24 Responses to "The Lamest Dance Moves Of All Time"

  1. Anonymous says:

    haha… i think i like number two the best, just because the ghetto sex moves sum up everything in 3 minutes..and how proud their parents must be…oh their patents…

  2. Anonymous says:

    The best about number 2 is the guy at the start sounds like he is saying his name is, “Allan P. Assdick”, lol.

  3. cuzzy says:

    #3 is awesome.

    I would like to add this one to the list.

    it is from last summer when the Spurs won the title. Scroll down to bottom of post.


  4. g-money says:

    sweet deal

  5. Matty D says:

    OMG I had to stop Rickies special, I couldn’t watch anymore for fear of vomiting. I would love to see them put those moves on a girl, someone would loose an eye for sure.

  6. Gee says:

    In #4, I was waiting for the guy from Chapelle’s show doing the robot to pop up in the background. Seriously, this whole thing made me shout “WTF!?!”

  7. motodoc says:

    fracken loser.

  8. FluffytheWonderBunny says:

    Ricky and pipelayer look like they have been pushing each others poop chute in.

  9. Kiddo says:

    It is funny, but dear ol’ Al McGuire knows he looks ridiculous, which is why he was so cool.

  10. Correct says:

    You obviously thought the term “gay zombie” was hilarious, but it’s not even close to describing his style.

    There was complete lack of flamboyance, and while he is almost dead- he isn’t dead yet nor is he using and zombie demeanor.

    Close, but not funny

  11. Danielle#1 says:

    I actually thought gay zombie was the most perfect way to describe the old man dance.

  12. Mr. Belvedere says:

    1 – The old gay zombie dance almost made me pee a little. ROTFLOL

    2 – The Choreographed thug dance: I had a pretend beating like that before; belive me, I was convinced it hurt for weeks, the air surrounding my personal space was so bruised. What one should do in that particular situation is: start a discussion on who’s a better singer Barbara Streissand or Celine Dion. But for the love of Pete, don’t ever point out to the lead thug that he missed a step-stand-point-strut-turn-kick.

    3 – Pretty Rick’s LNS: GAAAAAAAYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!! I guess it deserves a more descriptive comment …. TOTALLY FUCKING GAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYY!!!!

  13. James says:

    The Mark “mad Dog” Madsen one wasn’t that remarkable, except I think that fast-walking around angry and shouting with a f**kin mic in your hand should be classified a “Lame Dance Move”. What’s ever been entertaining about that lame lame no-talent way of performing ??

  14. Carolina de Witte says:

    I LOVED the old man dancing!! More power to him, and I hope he’s still out there somewhere dancing and loving life. Just cos we get old doesn’t mean we have to roll over and wait to die, might as well enjoy what’s left for us. It didn’t matter that you thought he can’t dance, it’s the fact that he wanted to that’s important here. That’s the only clip I actually enjoyed, and would have loved to watch more of him.

  15. Mary Jane says:

    I call homo on ALL of Little Ricky’s Late Night Special! by the time the 3rd one came around I had to stop watching -
    This isn’t even gay, why? because I know too many gay people to degrade them by classifying these fools as such.

  16. Buddy Ice says:

    Pretty Ricky’s Late Night Special might be the most uniquely gay thing my eyes have ever witnessed. What’s even funnier than that, is that they probably got laid as a result of making this video. Granted the girls are probably high school, chicken head, hoes, but still, even against all sane logic, their plan most likely worked. If you’ve ever seen a high school in the ghetto you’d know that all you need is five bucks, baggy pants, a nickname, and no grasp of the english language and you’re in with the ladies faster than you can eat a bucket of KFC.

    I can fake ebonics, yo, and I’ve got five bucks, and I can borrow my fat uncles pants; now all I need is a ghetto fabulous retarted nickname.
    How about … “Grabzalotpuss Rex”

  17. Kimbo's Lice says:

    The ottoman in #2 got pregnant that night and had to go on Maury to find out who the father was. (Turns out, it was Pipelayer.)

  18. K-MAn says:

    my question is what did that poor foot bench do to deserve the rape in Pretty Rickies?

  19. SikSik6 says:

    #1 looks like Richard Simmons got knocked up by the video for “Beat It.”

  20. Cory says:

    Gotta have Techno Viking to complete the list!

  21. AlcoLOL says:

    “This turkey is a JERK!” HAHA the 80′s sucked so much. Where has this beautiful world gone to.. Those last two videos made me lose faith in humanity as a whole.

  22. catmmm says:

    yeah, i was waiting for the guys in number 2 to just start humping each other. totally one of the most fucked up things my eyes have ever seen

  23. bungabunga says:

    if the fat kid can dance like that, then i have only one question, why is he so fat?