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The Lamest Forms Of Self Defense


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This self defense video reminds me of the time one of my friends took a karate class. I was over at his house after a class and he tried to show me what he’d learned. The conversation went like this:

Friend: OK, come at me. Attack me. I’ll show you what I learned in karate class and block you.

Me: Come at you? Like, hit you?

Friend: Yeah.

[I come at him and take a swing.]

Friend: No, wait. Don’t come at me like that. Come at me overhand, kind of like this.

Me: But people don’t attack people like that.

Friend: No, do it overhand like this. But do it really slowly. And I’ll totally stop it.

Me: I’m going home.

via milkandcookies.com

13 Responses to "The Lamest Forms Of Self Defense"

  1. Kadez87 says:

    “Choking the shit out of someone” I love it. I almost shit myself laughing at these idiots.

  2. Stinky Elvis says:

    “When you see us grimace out here we’re not play acting…this hurts!”

    I have been laughing at this shit for 30 minutes! The older dude is wearing the little dude out…and you can tell he’s getting pissed…

    This may be the funniest shit i have ever seen posted on holytaco.

  3. Unaware says:

    Uh… that is one awesome mustache.

    I will practicing the ‘spit in face’ and ‘throw glasses at person’ self defense techniques tonight with my neighbor the part time marijuana dealer. He has lots of time on his hands.

  4. Joe says:

    These guys are really good. Kimbo wouldn’t stand a chance

  5. The Library says:

    Holy shit. I am dying. “Throw glasses at person” is priceless. “Mind if I take off my glasses fir—–HAI-YA!”

    The death curl/ground kick is also priceless. “HELP! HELP!”

  6. PublicFailure says:

    I believe that throat gouging maneuver is commonly referred to as the “fickled finger of fate”. Bunch of ass-hats.

  7. Or you can use the David Elsewhere technique and just awe them into submission with some freakishly awesome moves!

  8. BEN says:

    “No, wait. Don’t come at me like that. Come at me overhand, kind of like this.”

    LOL

  9. Vinnie says:

    c’mon ben, haven’t you ever watched in living color? jim carrey did a sketch just like that.

  10. Thatguypete says:

    It’s Kung Fool…

  11. One Maloogafourloogas says:

    Bet he’d kick all your asses, and then go to your home & rape your mommas.

  12. nate says:

    Yeah… Shit like this works greaty… In a gym, with mats and shit… You get in a real fight you don’t think ‘Oh yeah, I should poke him with my finger, and bend it down’… You think ‘Oh shit, how the fuck can I hurt this dude, more than he’s hurting me??’ Or, you can take my tactic and learn to run… Really fast.

  13. captain_pessimism says:

    This looks like the bastard child of jujitsu. Its like 10% jujitsu techniques and 90% stupid. Having fighting training DOES help, but only if you spar with different people. Pre agreed on moves don’t do anything in actual fight situations.

    -C.P