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The Languages of Boobs: A Primer

international boobs

The English language is a wonderful and versatile thing.  We have a word that describes douchebags (it’s douchebag) and a word for Olive Garden (rancid). But above all, we have words for breasts.  Like 100 words for breasts.  We even have another article about it. But better and more scientific than all the jugs and cans and sweater kittens is boobs; the most elegant word we can call our own.  It’s simple, it’s rounded and, as a singular, it’s even a palindrome.  That shit’s tight, yo.  But is it so wonderful the world over?  What passes for boobs in other countries?  Is there a better word?  Holy Taco investigates.

Tsitsim – Hebrew

The Chosen People have a long, proud tradition of boobs, we assume, and odds are Abraham was more of a boob man than an ass man.  Prove me wrong, scholars.  Their offering to the vernacular of jiggle, tsitsim, is not so melodious as boobs, but try to picture a rabbi yelling it out the window at a girl walking by.  It has a certain rustic charm.

Rating:

boobs

Tissit – Finnish

The Finns give us tissit, which sounds like someone with a speech impediment trying to say tit, which in and of itself is kind of amusing.  However, there also seems to be something vaguely sleazy about the word as wlel, like maybe Steve Buscemi says it to strippers.

Rating:

boobs

Sise – Serbian

Not being a native Serb, I have no idea on the pronunciation of this word, but my guess it sounds like “size” which is actually awesome, although deeply lacking in playfulness or sex appeal. It’s a bit utilitarian, like simply saying “D Cup.”

Rating:

boobs

Tette – Italian

According to the soulless voice on the online translator I used, this sounds pretty much like saying “titty” but with an Italian accent, which automatically makes it a little bit cooler than just saying titty.  However, that’s still not as effective as the word boob.  So good try, Italy, but stick to gnocchi.

Rating:

boobs

Siski – Russian

Outside of a handful of models, mail order brides and tATu, Russia doesn’t have women that we know of, just many dour men and Vladimir Poutin, who may be a super soldier of some kind.  It’s not surprising that their word for boobs sounds like it could easily double as the name for a mid-range brand of vodka.  It’s not completely unappealing, but it seems like something a man with dirty hands should be saying.

Rating:

boobs

Pits – Catalan

Catalan is the official language of Andorra, a country with a population of less than 100,000.  It’s likely then that no one cares that their word for boobs also describes underarms and things people fall in from which they never return.

Rating:

boobs

Prsa – Czech

Czechs are a hardcore people, you can tell by how few vowels they’re willing to put into their words.  This sounds like the initials for a muscular condition, and if that’s how the Czech people approach their boobs we can assume their word for sex is the sound of metal scraping bone.  It’s really more frightening than fun.

Rating:

boobs

Sen – Haitian Creole

When I think of Haiti, being ignorant of most things Haitian, I think of sweaty nights and voodoo.  Thus, I was hoping for a bit of a Mardi Gras inspired word for boobs, like JuJooblies or Mama Shangos.  Sen seems like someone was in a rush to finish their vocabulary.

Rating:

boobs

Mellek – Hungarian

Mellek sounds harsh at first, but if you play with it you can also make it sound sort of like “me like” and then it’s a quick hop-shuffle-step to “me lick” which is hilarious and clever.  Good on you, Hungary.

Rating:

boobs

Bobbingar – Icelandic

Rumor has it Iceland got its name as a ruse to convince invaders to stay away, making them think it was inhospitable.  That’s a coup for naming something, that has nothing on calling boobs Bobbingar.  Bobbingar is such an awesome name I have to assume that if you use it on the streets of Iceland, women will gladly disrobe to show them off because the word is that powerful.  Iceland, you win.

Rating:

boobs

Oppai – Japanese

Japan is known for Godzilla and insanity around every corner.  You’d expect that their word for boobs would be like “BWAAAAGAH-CHA” or the sound of a girl dressed like Pikachu having sex in a closet, but surprisingly it seems to be “Oh, pie” which is pretty awesome and tasty sounding.

Rating:

boobs

Brost – Swedish

I had always been under the impression Sweden was a land of unbridled debauchery and public education.  While they may be true to some degree, the whole train falls off the tracks when it came to dirty words.  Brost sounds like sausage or the name of a fat, comic-relief Viking.

Rating:

boobs

Tate – Romanian

Anyone in the world named Tate will either be in one of two camps about sharing a name with Romanian (vampire) boobs – it’s probably either love or hate.  That said, Tate Donovan is not the sort of thing you want to bring to mind when you’re looking at boobs.

Rating:

boobs

Gogusler – Turkish

This looks so much like “goo guzzler” that the entire country of Turkey gets a high five.  The only potential downside is that, and this is just a guess, if you tried to direct that high five to a woman, she’d totally not reciprocate.  Chicks rarely find “goo guzzler” hilarious.  Good try, though.

Rating:

boobs

Xiōngbù – Chinese

This sounds kind of like “John Boo” which seems like it might be the nickname of an unsuccessful rapper, like Snow or Tony Yayo.  I don’t want to jiggle either of those guys.

Rating:

boobs

Dosdar – Azerbaijani

I bet you didn’t know Azerbaijan had its own language.  Or maybe you did and I just never paid much attention in high school.  In any case, dosdar sounds like the name of a guy who might run afoul of Conan some day.  The barbarian not the talk show host.  Awesome?  Yes.  Sexy fun?  Eh.

Rating:

boobs

Rind – Estonian

The reason you only know of Estonia from the movie Encino Man is because rind is their word for boobs.  Rind.  The thick, shitty part of the fruit that you throw away.  Really, Estonia?

Rating:

boobs

12 Responses to "The Languages of Boobs: A Primer"

  1. suck it trebek says:

    no pictures? =’(

  2. DonkeyXote says:

    Err.. Catalan is also one of 4 official languages in Spain and France.

  3. vinod says:

    JUST BECAUSE……!!

    Just because no one has been fortunate enough
    to realize what a gold mine you are,
    doesn’t mean you shine any less.

    Just because no one has been smart enough
    to figure out that you can’t be topped,
    doesn’t stop you from being the best.

    Just because no one has come along
    to share your life,
    doesn’t mean that day isn’t coming.

    Just because no one has made
    this race worthwhile,
    doesn’t give you permission to stop running.

    Just because no one has realized
    how much of a woman you are,
    doesn’t mean they can effect your femininity.

    Just because no one has come
    to take the loneliness away,
    doesn’t mean you have to settle for a lower quality.

    Just because no one has shown up
    who can love you on your level,
    doesn’t mean you have to sink to theirs.

    Just because you deserve
    the very best there is,
    doesn’t mean that life is always fair.

    Just because God
    is still preparing your king,
    doesn’t mean that you’re not already a queen.

    Just because your situation
    doesn’t seem to be progressing right now,
    doesn’t mean you need to change a thing.

    Keep shining,
    Keep running,
    Keep hoping,
    Keep praying,

    Keep being exactly what you are already;
    Complete!

  4. Estonian guy says:

    Rind is actually a word for breast, rõõmupallid, tissid, pommid etc are used for saying boobs :P Just sayin’

  5. ... says:

    lol…acctually..in estonian, it’s called TISS … :D

  6. Moses says:

    And the Swedish “Bröst”, not “Brost” wich is not exactly how it’s pronounced, It’s more like “Broust”, but what do you care? Nice poem btw, i really needed the support from a pretentious lady-boy!

  7. ^^ says:

    In Dutch, it’s tieten (pronounced as teetan or teetah) pretty awesome I think

  8. Up North says:

    Norwegian: Pupper

  9. ngezzz says:

    in hungarian, Mellek is kinda formal.. for boobs/boobies is more like “csöcsök” or “cicik (said like tsitsik)” :D