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The MILF Urge: Other M’s I’d Like to F

American Pie came out in 1999 and aside from making everyone lust after nerdy girls at band camp it also introduced us to the wonder of the MILF, moms we’d like to finder inner peace with, or something very much like that.  The term MILF has remained a part of our lexicon and that’s great.  To celebrate American Reunion we thought we’d go over some of our favorite present day MILFs, but then we thought everyone would do that.  So why not swap out that M and find some different M’s to fill in because all M’s worth F-ing deserve some recognition.  On with the M’s.

Meteorologists

If you just thought of Al Roker you are an abomination.  But if you thought of the curious state of weather broadcasting in South America, then you are a winner.  As it happens, in order to become a meteorologist in any Spanish speaking country, you have to be an insanely hot woman whose wardrobe consists of shirts one size too small.  Muy bien!

In honor of that, please enjoy these videos of several meteorologists any decent person would like to F.  And maybe G,H, I too.

Maids

Did you ever see the movie Maid in Manhattan?  Of course not.  But I think Jennifer Lopez was a maid in it.  We’ll call her by her full name because saying JLo is ridiculous.  And while Kim K and Nicki Minaj get a lot of attention these days for having big heinies, let us never forget that Jennifer Lopez was the original source of heiney goodness in the universe.  None of this means much since she’s not really a maid, but stop pointing out the flaws in my article.

Another worthy maid can be seen on Family Guy.  Now go with me on this one – the Family Guy maid character is a sturdy, well built lady.  She’s probably a D Cup but even more enticing than that is that she’s pretty much only mastered the word yes.  Like a long, drawn out yes.  Yeeeeesssss.  And with a Spanish accent?  Fantastic.  That shit’s hot, don’t you judge me.

Mediums

The show Medium sucked, and the only lady medium I can think of offhand is Sylvia Browne, the bastard child of a harem of harpies and a sludge pile.  She’s as F-able as a food processor that doesn’t know how to properly apply makeup.  However, in theory, a woman with psychic skills is kind of hot.  Because she’d already know when you want to get busy, and how you want things done, and when you’re sick of doing it already.  That ain’t bad.  That ain’t bad at all.  On top of that, in the world of fictional psychic chicks, the first one you may think of is Jean Grey from the X-Men, who is hot like lava and should totally come over and have lunch with me.

Magicians

Most magicians are dudes and that’s pretty awful – especially when they look like David Copperfield or Penn and Teller.  They’re awesome magicians and all but I feel like we don’t have much sexual chemistry, even if Teller is a great listener.  However, there’s gotta be at least one hot lady magician out there somewhere, and she totally has to have fast hands.  And she’d be good with making you think one thing is about to happen and then BAM! Something else happens.  What else happens?  I don’t know, but I bet it involves boobs and pyrotechnics.

Muscle Chicks

Giant, muscle ladies get a bad rap in our society as some of them look like this;

However, it’s worth noting that some giant, muscle ladies make adult movies, which I feel is really a good indicator that someone has a giving soul and the idea that a woman could hurl me through a wall is oddly appealing in a masochistic sort of way.

Moose Hunters

Oh, Sarah Palin.  There’s no reason to deny us any longer.  Let’s do this thing.

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