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The Next Big Twilight


If you haven’t heard of Warm Bodies, get ready to be horrified.  It’s being touted as Twilight with Zombies and is essentially exactly what that implies – a tween’s level understanding of love as told by a girl and the zombie who fell in love with her.  Until the government stats regulating who can tell stories about what monsters without destroying our culture on a very basic level, we should embrace this trend by, at the very least, exploiting it.  If you can make a teen girl love rotting corpses to the tune of many millions in profit, you can do damn near anything.  So no need to sit back and just be generally dissatisfied that Kristen Stewart is famous, ameliorate you hate by joining in!  Where Twilight gave us vampires and werewolves and this new story coves zombies, let’s see what else we can tackle.

Mummies and Dinosaurs

This one is so easy it practically writes itself, much the same as the real Twilight.  A sleepy, coastal town with a bustling natural history museum.  A new acquisition, the mummy of Egyptian Pharaoh Mahopmephet, goes on display and strange things begin to happen.  In the woods, the savaged bodies of local wildlife and in the museum, destroyed displays after hours.

Alexis Plainface is a highschool student with a passion for ancient history.  Fascinated by Mahopmephet she frequents the exhibit often and one night, just as the museum is about to close, she swears she sees the mummy move.  But on her way home, still pondering what she saw, a thick fog rolls in, and with it, strange, terrifying sounds.  From out of the murk a beast attacks! A dinosaur!  As the creature is about to strike a golden spear pierces its heart.  Out of the darkness, Mahopmephet appears and offers Alexis his hand.

The Pharaoh explains to the girl that he was cursed long ago to remain in a state of undeath until he found true love.  And as Alexis visited day in and day out, he began to fall in love until his curse was lifted.  Unfortunately, the curse passes its gift of undeath on to others, and the result is an army of dinosaurs risen from extinction.

Can Alexis and Mahopmephet overcome their prehistoric enemies with the help of his undead mummy family?  And should they, once Alexis learns they are just scared creatures trying to suvive in a world not meant for them?  And, most important, how can a teenage girl eve love a 5000 year dead Egyptian King?  Can the power of mummy love overcome dinosaurs?

Swamp Monsters and the French

In a sleepy cottage in the Bordeaux region of France, young Lise-Ann Frottage vacations with her father and little brother.  Her father, a wine baron, has decided to move the family to France for the year to oversee his vineyards.  Her brother immediately falls in with local French hooligans but Lise-Ann feels left out and alone.  That is, until she meets Jean Luc DuBois at the little pond near their home.  Each day they meet and swim but he never leaves the water and never tells her where he is from.  Suspicious, she vows to follow him home one day and hides in the woods, only to see a trio of grotesque, green-gilled monsters approach.   But instead of being terrified, Jean-Luc welcomes them and transforms into a swamp monster as well.

Distraught, Lise-Ann flees to her home and locks herself away.  How could she love a Swamp Monster?  And what’s worse, her brother has been telling crazy stories of a local swamp monster hunt.

Jean Luc arrives at her home late one rainy night to find out why she hasn’t been swimming and she confronts him with the news.  He confesses, he is a swamp monster, but his people abandoned their violent ways years ago.  He is a kind and gentle swamp monster who simply wants to live in peace on his ancestral land.  But the locals have hunted his kind for generations and if they discovered Jean Luc and his family, they would destroy them.

The couple are discovered by Lisa-Ann’s brother and soon the entire town is out for green blood.  Lisa-Ann will have to choose between love or family, and the fate of an entire species may hang in the balance!  Can the power of swamp love overcome the French?

Frankenstein and Pirates

Living in a Caribbean paradise should be every girl’s dream come true, only for Lola Felcher it’s hell.  She’s moved away from all her friends, and her new school is full of people who really make fun of her last name.

Spending all her days on the beach writing morose poetry, Lola is surprised one day as something massive drifts ashore near her thinkin’ tree.  A hulking, black shape that she at first mistakes for garbage, it slowly moves and locks eyes with her from behind limp, black hair and a pale face.  The creature runs for the jungle and a terrified Lola heads home.

A week later Lola returns and there is no sign of the beast.  But as she sits to write, a metallic sound startles her and she turns un time to see the barrel of a gun pointed in her face.  The man, a Thai pirate, ushers her down the beach towards his craft.  Pleading desperately, Lola tries in vain to escape.  The pirate strikes her and raises his weapon again but before he can follow through he is lifted high in the air and smashed against his own boat.  Lola’s savior is none other than the creature she saw a week ago, Frankenstein’s monster, washed ashore and just as lost and alone as she.

Lola realizes the creature can’t speak but is just as frightened as she.  As the days pass they continue to meet on the beach and she teaches it to speak and more, to love.  But the dead pirates crew has not forgotten their missing comrade and soon come looking.  Can the power of love overcome Thai piracy?

Giant, Intelligent Spiders and Cultists

Charlotte Belmont has just moved to the absolute middle of nowhere, Kansas.  Her father inherited the old farm from her great grandfather and now she’s been torn away from everything she knows.  But as strange symbols continue to appear in their fields and townspeople go missing, she starts to think this peaceful little corner of nowhere isn’t all it seems.

One night she glimpses a strange sight in the field out back and goes to investigate.  She stumbles upon a young man, Lucas Evilish, who claims to be on the run from terrible monsters.  At first Charlotte thinks he’s crazy, until a giant spider leaps from the trees and attacks.  Lucas fights back and the two manage to escape to the barn.  After hiding for hours, Charlotte begins to get sleepy and just as she’s nodding off Lucas attacks with a strange dagger.  She fights vainly and just as it seems all is lost, another giant spider bursts from the rafters and kills him with its massive fangs.  Terrified, Charlotte tries to scramble to safety until the spider simply says ”stop.”

Soon Charlotte learns the terrible truth.  The spiders are a ace of giant, intelligent arachnids who have coexisted peacefully with humans for generations.  But Lucas was the member of a sinister cult that believe the spiders will help them destroy the world and the town is the focal point of all their efforts.  The spiders have come to stop them, but their numbers are few and the cult is many.

Charlotte and the spider plot to expose the cult and, in the process, grow to be much more than friends.  Can the power of girl/spider love overcome an evil cult?

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