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The Next “Faces of Death” Star


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I have a pretty vivid memory from high school of eating oatmeal while watching Faces of Death 1-4 and promptly throwing up shortly after the always believable “parachutist landing in the alligator swamp” scene. I haven’t eaten oatmeal since, but I have gone on to watch all the Faces of Death movies. I can’t wait for the latest one to come out to see how this ride ended.

Seriously, my f-ing thumbs are so wide, it takes me half an hour to send a three word text. And I once drove my cousin’s dirt bike through the screen door and into the living room where my uncle was watching the scrambled Playboy Channel hoping for a nipple shot. I hate this guy and his cool bag of tricks for making me feel even more inadequate than I already do.

4 Responses to "The Next “Faces of Death” Star"

  1. vagina_Star says:

    “he’s just chilling”

  2. L says:

    I think of this guy kind of like that neighborhood dog who won’t stop biting tires; you expect him to get run over, but on the other hand, he’s still alive, so…he must be doing something right.

    I’m more horrified by the driving habits of all the people in cars. Sure, change lanes without signaling with like 3 inches of room. It’s all good.

  3. chris says:

    “BAhhh!! he’s doing it all wrong!”

  4. rc says:

    exactly L, no one was even looking when cutting the others guys off, amazing