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The Pros and Cons of Walking Your Dog with a Drone

Walking Dogs With Drones from Jeff Myers on Vimeo.

Drones: they’re not just for realizing 1984 anymore! Unmanned aerial vehicles are officially a part of mainstream culture. You can buy your very own for under $200, if you so desire. But spying on your neighbors 24/7 gets old after about a week or so, especially once you realize that they’re just as boring as you are. At that point, you need to find something new to do with your expensive toy. Like, walk your dog.

That’s what the guy in this video did. Jeff Myers bought an AR drone, attached a leash to it, and let it lead his pooch down a lonely, lonely path.

“Is Canis lupus familiaris exhibiting acceptable gender behavior? Affirmative, affirmative that it is. The Canis lupus familiaris is exhibiting acceptable gender behavior.”

Myers’ version is basically a glorified demo, but let’s face it — if real-world technology ever catches up, this will become a very big thing. So we might as well have the doggie drone walker debate right now, and not smack-dab in the middle of the Machine Revolution.

First, the pros of strapping Astro to Rosie and letting them saunter off merrily while you sit back and eat a large pile of Oreo cream:

–A fully-charged drone can go forever, give or take most of eternity. No longer will your dog, eager for a nice long healthy walk, be disappointed when Master has to abort the mission after five minutes because going any further will cause his lungs to collapse quicker than a condemned building filled with C-4 explosives.

–Nobody can grumpily yell at you to pick up after your pup’s mess. Not that you ever picked up after her before, but those couple seconds where Old Man Wheezy gives you guff about respecting his lawn, and you briefly considered actually doing what he says, just sucked so much. Thank fuck they’re gone forever.

–Finally, someone (or rather, something) else can deal with that annoying dog thing where they see another dog and suddenly forget you, moving cars, or anything else not descended from the mighty wolf exists. Seriously, you’re a Chihuahua. There is no reason for you to suddenly become heavier than the fucking Moon.

–Now that I think about it, that whole eating-Oreo-cream thing sounds like a damn good pro. I’m including it.

Also, now I’m hungry.

And now to be a Negative Nancy about your burgeoning doggie drone fantasy:

–If you forget to properly train your dog on how drones work (and if you’re lazy enough to buy a drone so it can walk your dog, you probably DID forget), your best friend and your expensive toy could run off into the distance within minutes. And good luck going after them — dogs are quick when they don’t want to be caught.

–A 10-pound machine isn’t likely to impress the hottie down the street who loves dogs and smells like cake batter. If you want to use your dog’s wagging tail to get yourself some tail, you’re just gonna have to put on some pants and walk him yourself.

–A leash costs maybe $15, you moron. Unless you truly, madly, deeply think your neighbors are part of the Illuminati, save your money walk the goddamn mutt yourself. Your cream pile will still be there when you get back.

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