(Aw yeah. The crazy ones always give the best homework.)
If ever you see a story on the 10 o’clock news about a teacher going to prison for banging an underage student, smart money says it’s a female teacher. And a hot one at that.
It’s kind of mind-boggling, actually. We’re talking about ladies who could walk into a bar dressed to kill on any given night and have no problems leaving with a dude who doesn’t look like Norm from “Cheers.” It just happened again in Oklahoma, where a not-terrible-looking 25-year-old English teacher named Kalyn Thompson (see mugshot above) boned her student with a promise to drag his failing-ass grades up. (“According to police, the victim was ‘flunking English last semester but currently has a 98 percent grade point average.’” LOLOLOLOL!)
I will likely never understand the motivations driving these women. Is it about power? Sexual domination? Because there are plenty of legal men out there who would happily be underfoot to some of these dames. But as a married man in his 30s, I fully admit to a bit of envy toward some of these young dudes on the receiving end of hot teacher yoni; I couldn’t beg my way into a piece of ass from a girl my own age in high school, so I’m always impressed to see a young man get a jump-start on his sexual education.
The sad part is this list is by no means comprehensive. There are countless other hotties who took the fall by messing with boys whose pubes are still growing in. Prepare for your jaw to drop when you see the types of women these young punks are pulling down…
Mary Kay Letourneau – The progenitor of this statutory-rape-with-students-made-public trend, Letourneau’s case was legendary for all the media attention and the made-for-TV movie it spawned. A married mother, LeTourneau started up a relationship with her 12-year-old sixth grade student named Vili Fualaau and got pregnant by him, for which she was justifiably locked up in the slammer and ordered to stay away from the kid forever. However, love finds a way: After getting out, she went back to Vili, got pregnant again and got put away for some years. Young dude waited for her, and now they’re married with a buncha crumbsnatchers. Who woulda figured?
Hope Jacoby – Technically not a teacher, but one of the hottest women on this list, Jacoby was a 23-year-old personal trainer at a California high school who was busted for repeatedly giving dome to one of the male athletes in her charge when Jacoby’s picture was found in his phone. She got arrested, and the student undoubtedly got a series of high-fives and ass pats from his boys. It happened in 2008, so the kid is likely past college right now, unfortunately doomed to compare every blowjob he’ll ever get the rest of his life to the hot trainer from high school.
Lisa Glide – Lets ignore for a second the fact that she has a porn star name — Miss Glide is way too minxy looking to have to settle for boys who won’t master clitoris location for another half-decade. Just the same, the then-35-year-old was busted getting biblical with a recently graduated high-school kid who was on the precipice of legal. She was actually a former television actress — no word on if she’s back to rehearsing for bit parts now that she’ll never teach again.
Lindsay Massaro – The “ick” factor is a little higher for this one, as she was busted having sex with an elementary school student. Most of us become sexually active as older teenagers, which is why it’s not so gross (even if it is illegal) for a woman in her early 20s to deflower a lucky 17-year-old. But middle school?!? That’s why this hot little number got three years in prison and lifetime parole supervision. I’m sure the lesbians in the pen were happy to see her coming.
Pamela Rogers Turner – Pretty sure this chick is just fucked up in the head. This gorgeous 27-year-old gym teacher and basketball coach kept an affair going with the world’s luckiest 13-year-old boy ever. After she got pinched and sentenced to nine months in prison (bullshit: the book would’ve been thrown at his crotch if he were a guy), she pulled the World’s Greatest Fuckass Move by sending him nude pics and videos from prison, which netted her nine years behind bars. Let’s see if the little guy will still be jonesing for her when she gets out prison-hardened with a tat of his name on her neck.
Carrie McCandless – I could write an entirely different piece on how many people – famous or otherwise – are brought down over their bullshit by text messages. This is but another example: 30-year-old hottie history teacher McCandless, whose husband Chris was the principal of the school, exchanged text messages with a 17-year-old student all day like two horny teenagers, only just one of them was actually a teenager. The scandal rocked the Colorado town, resulting in resignations, broken marriages and a teenager who probably wishes he’d not screwed around with teach.