The Strippers in Williston, North Dakota Make A Lot More Money Than You Do

Everyone can assume that strippers probably make a good amount of cash. Men are horny. Women have boobs. Men want to see the boobs. Women show the men boobs, for a price. Men pay that price. The women walk away with enough cash to pay their bills for a month after 5 minutes of work.

This assumption isn’t hard and fast. You can’t assume that a stripper in, say, Jackson, Mississippi, is going to make as much as a stripper from Vegas. One city is the sin capitol of America, and the other is Jackson, Mississippi, the home of nothing of note. You couldn’t be blamed for thinking that a Vegas stripper makes more money per night than any other stripper in any other city. But, then again, you wouldn’t be right, either.

As it turns out, according to this article from CNN Money, the city in which strippers can rake in the most cash is a city you’ve probably never heard of: Williston, North Dakota. Williston is a city where strippers from all around the world are flocking to due to the absurd amounts of cash Williston’s strippers make on a nightly basis. Williston has become a cultural melting pot for women named Cinnamon, Jasmine, and Raquel. I predict that within the next 50 years, Williston will be filled with legions of 2^nd and 3^rd and maybe even 4^th generation strippers, as the daughters, granddaughters, and great granddaughters of today’s Williston strippers pick up the torch and honor their lineage by working in the family business. These women will be craftsmen of the highest order, much in the same way the son of a 17^th century mason was accepted to follow in his father’s footsteps. And it would make sense, seeing as Williston strippers can take in $1,500 on a slow night, and 2 to 3,000 on a good night.

The reason for this stripper boom is oil. Williston is a big oil town, and hardworking, blue collar men flock to Williston in droves from some of that sweet, sweet oil money. But these men usually have to leave their families behind in other cities to work on these rigs. So with no females to come home to, the rig workers have to turn to strip clubs for some female companionship.

What’s truly, truly awful about this news is that many of these men probably don’t tell their wives or girlfriends back home that they’re visiting strip clubs on an almost nightly basis – and now, with this CNN Money article, those wives and girlfriends know. When they talk to their loved ones back home, their conversations probably go like this:

Wife: “So what did you do after work today?”

Man: “Oh, nothing. Just came straight home, had a glass of Chablis, soaked in the tub for a bit, then got caught up with Gossip Girl.”

Cut to, the man getting tits slapped against his forehead.

Surely at least a handful of wives and girlfriends will read the article now that it’s being passed around. Maybe there’s such a wife or girlfriend reading about right now with this very article. If there is, ladies, please, be gentle when you confront your man about this. Yeah, he’s sniffing tits at a strip club in North Dakota while you wait for him to call and worry what he may be up to, but cut him some slack. The guy is puncturing holes in to the earth to suck up the black juice below our feet just so the rest of us can put a fluid in our cars that allows us to drive to strip clubs. So, in a sense, it’s all a matter of quality control. By going to strip clubs, these men are simply making sure their hard work and sacrifice actually means something. Every time a strip club is packed with men waving dollar bills the oil riggers smile, because they know that without their work those men wouldn’t get to see some titty, and those strippers wouldn’t get those implants they’ve been wanting. It’s called the circle of life. Look up a little movie called The Lion King if you’re not familiar with the concept, ladies.