When I was in university, I went to a party one night at a friend’s house. It was a keg party, there were lots of people and I got so drunk I sat in the parking lot of the dry cleaner’s next door drooling such a massive puddle at my own feet people assumed I had thrown up.
At this same party, my friend Wizo spent about 15 minutes sitting on a toilet while girls walked in and out of the bathroom that had no lock on it. They chatted with each other and just hung out (it was a curiously large bathroom) while he did his business.
One of the hosts of the party, a bit of a hot headed fellow, got angry at someone who spilled a drink on the back porch but refused to clean it up. He beat the shit out of that kid and went back to the party.
Another party host had sex with a girl that night and then found out afterwards he was the 6th guy she did at that party.
All of us were in our early 20s. This was one random night out of many similar random nights. No one cared. I took a cab home, apparently, but have no recollection of it. I woke up the next morning and was pretty pleased with myself. I’m told I was out by about 11:30. I’m hardcore.
Meanwhile America just shat a collective brick because Miley Cyrus has a vagina and knows how to point to it with a foam finger.
No one gives shit #1 about Miley Cyrus. Not you, not me, no one. Why should we? What we give a shit about is the out of time idea that Miley Cyrus influences children and, in turn, this misplaced idea that children are innocent.
Every kid of school age in North America knows swear words. I guarantee it. I stake my life on it. Kids swear. Every day on the school yard they hear “asshole” and “shit” and “fag” and stuff I’m not even supposed to say on this site, run by adults and for adults, because our society desperately wants to cling to a falsehood that only exists if we’re all in on it, this idea that things are not as they are. Parents who themselves swear lose their minds when someone else swears in front of their kids, as though they actually live in a bubble that only gets popped by these random, outside events.
It’s the same idea that brings about the idea of “the good old days” and how stuff was better back in the day. It wasn’t. There have always been people using drugs, there has always been crime, there’s always been promiscuity and poverty and disease and suffering. If we are any worse now it’s due to larger population. Look at statistics and you’ll see crime rates lowering, hardcore drug use amongst teens down and so on. We’re not a worse generation and there was no golden time of joy and happiness. You’re just more aware of everything now, more exposed, thanks to the way technology works.
When Albert Fish was serial killing, most of the world had no idea. If he existed today Nancy Grace would be practically drooling on herself like I was drooling in that parking lot to report on his case. There would be a movie about him within a year, he’d be on magazines, there’d be memes on twitter and we’d never know every sick detail and think the world was in decay which some people would blame on video games and others would blame on a lack of God in schools. Just like always.
Miley Cyrus hasn’t done anything Madonna did not do over 20 years ago. Madonna’s practically a saint of music today.
Now some of us mock Miley Cyrus because she came across silly, or desperate, or unsexy, and those are legitimate reasons for mockery, I would argue. As a comedian, I support making fun of things that deserve to be made fun of. But the ire, the anger and judgement, that comes from this fake place, this Pleasantville, USA ideal that only exists in the world of make believe, where Miley somehow just made you daughter a hooker and taught your son to do lines of cocaine off of her tits.
Miley Cyrus did not corrupt the youth of America. To start with,t he youth of America does a great job of corrupting itself, it always has. Kids get corrupted by negligent parenting, by ignorance and neglect and stupidity. Parents who post photos of their kids pointing guns at their mom’s naked ass on Facebook, those are the corrupted kids. Kids who saw Miley Cyrus on the VMAs should either ask o be told by their parents what was going on – Miley Cyrus is an adult, she was singing a song and trying to be sexy. It’s a thing pop stars do. Here, look at this video by Shakira/Nicki Minaj/Lil Kim/Robin Thicke/every R&B singer ever to see a similar example.
People like to be angry. I’ve said this before. It’s counterintuitive, but experience bears it out. People want to be outraged. Look at talking shit sacks like Nancy Grace or Bill O’Reilly. Are they ever pleased? They rage constantly at everyone. And people want to watch it.
Look at Maury Povitch. He’s been on TV for over 20 years, and not because he’s angry, but because he knows you watch his show to be outraged by his irresponsible and ignorant guests. You get off on it. We love to judge the actions of others against some perceived standard. Sometimes they deserve it, some people really are scumbags. Sometimes they don’t, because why should we give a shit if any woman is promiscuous? If any man wears baggy pants and has a ton of ugly tattoos? Will that ruin your life at all? Of course not.
Outrage is eternally popular. Today it’s Miley Cyrus for daring to demonstrate some kind of bizarre sexuality, despite the irony of said outrage and the forum at which it’s directed. Maybe tomorrow it’ll be the left outraged by a member of the right having an affair, as though none of their own have ever done such a thing. In a week we’ll be disgusted by something brand new. We’ll love it. CNN will cover it. People will come out against it, then others will come out for it because they are outraged by the outrage. It never stops.