The Walking Carl: Chapter 1

Dear Diary,

Dad’s pretty angry with everyone right now.  I think it’s because everyone seems to be a dipshit but I can’t be sure (I’m Carl, after all).  We had to leave the farm after dad and I accidentally lead the entire undead population of Georgia to Mr. Herschel’s farm.  Even Mr. Herschel’s extremely well loaded shotgun couldn’t keep them all away, there were just that many.  I suggested we all go for a walk in the woods, it seems to keep me out of trouble when stuff is going on, but I don’t think anyone heard me over all the screaming.  It’s sad that some people died, too, but it’s also weird that none of us knew their names.

Andrea is still missing, feels like we’re not going to find her until October or something.  I mean, she’s super missing.  Not Sophia missing (the barn burned down, so no worries there) but still, she’s out there.  I hope she found a safe place to hide or a samurai friend or something.

This morning I went for a walk down the highway by myself, went looting through some cars for anything fun.  Anytime we used to go on long drives I brought lots of stuff to play with.  Looks like people driving away from zombies bring crap, mostly.  I found a Sega Game Gear in one car.  I mean, for real?  I know this is Georgia and all, but come on.  Batteries were dead anyway, so I’ll probably never get to play Bubble Bobble.

Found some Twinkies in a cooler, ate a few and then shot the rest off the heads of dead people.  I’m getting to be a pretty good shot, I think.  I think I saw a Wal Mart off the interstate but I doubt we’ll go there.  It’d probably just be stocked to the brim with food and weapons and supplies anyway and only have a bank of doors about 15 feet across to reinforce, who wants that?  In the other direction I saw a prison, I think that’s more our speed.  After all, it was built to stop people from escaping, seems like a good place to lock ourselves inside of.  I can’t see a downside really.  You know, unless it’s full of zombies and we get locked in with them.

When I got back everyone was awake already and my mom freaked out.  She got out one “Carl, where were you?” before my dad gave her that “for real?” look and she stopped talking.  I know my mom’s under a lot of stress and all, but I kind of felt the same way.  Like, where do you think I was?  Wherever the hell I felt like.

Hey, did you know we have a black guy with us?  I don’t want to sound racist or anything, I just really haven’t seen him do anything.  At all.  Didn’t he get mortally wounded a few weeks back?  I dunno, I was out.

So far I haven’t seen any zombie clowns, or zombie butchers, or zombie ballerinas, or zombie bikers, or zombie brides or zombie cheerleaders or really anything that would make this kind of funny.  Apparently everyone just died watching TV or whatever.  It’s depressing.  I drew this picture of what I was hoping this would be more like.

I don’t think I like this world much.  It’s as confusing as a one-handed redneck you meet once and never see again, except maybe in a dream sequence, and you’re forced to wonder what’s the point of it all.

Oh well, I hear some shuffling in the woods again so I’m going to wander off before anything happens, wait till everything dies down then for someone to panic and ask where I went, then maybe take a nap.  Talk to you tomorrow, diary!