The Walking Carl: Chapter 2

Dear Diary,

Took a walk back to the farm today and got a couple of eggs.  My Junior Bastard Scouts Guide helped me design a rudimentary calendar and as near as I can tell it’s Easter weekend, so I figured we could do an Easter Egg hunt.  My mom’s never good at finding hidden eggs, she just stands in the kitchen and yells “Egg?  EGG! Has anyone seen egg?” but I thought the rest of us could have some fun.

Mr. Herschel didn’t have any food coloring in his house but I found this legless and armless zombie by the side of the road and got this really need colored green stuff off his head, plus some brown goo as well, so I think we can get some good color eggs going.  I also found some Voltron stickers in the glove box of a pick up truck and it kinda blew my mind.  Seriously, the copyright date is 1986, what the hell?  Still, a Voltron egg is better than nothing.

Things have been pretty slow these last few days, since we hit the road.  It’s like we’re just waiting around for something to happen and, for real, nothing is happening.  It’s like, have you ever been hanging out with friends, maybe only once a week, and you get really into their lives and what they’re up to each and every week, and then for some reason you have to go away for 7 months, maybe you got convicted of tax fraud or you managed the political campaign of the mayor of Detroit or whatever, and then you catch up with them after 7 months and it’s like barely anything happened so you wonder what went on during that 7 months?  It’s like we’re living in that 7 months!  Totally eerie.

I was hoping to get everyone a chocolate bunny for Easter but I guess since the Apocalypse rolled into town Cadbury really scaled back their production schedule.  Instead, I found a box of Reese’s Pieces, some Skittles and a Zagnut bar.  I think I might make little trail mix surprise bags for everyone.  The Zagnut bar is might though, I had to pry it out from under a Honda Civic.  Found $30, too.  Once the world starts up again, I’m going to be rich as an astronaut, I’m already up to like $700.

Carol keeps talking to me about Sophia, and I don’t have the heart to tell her I don’t give a shit anymore.  I mean yeah, I liked Sophia, but how long did we hang out?  Like 8 hours, tops?  And listen, I’m not perfect, I get that, and the world is all loopy and shit now, but what the hell was she thinking?  “Hey, there’s zombies, I’m going to go for a walk in the woods?”  Who does that?  Just ridiculous.

So I found a cool new pair of shoes in the woods.  They’re a bit big for me, and I had to smash in the head of the guy wearing them, but they’re totally mint!  Every other zombie I’ve seen looked like he accidentally fell into a poop bin before he showed up here, but this guy looked like one of those mobster guys from TV.  Really snazzy purple track suit and these awesome Adidas shoes.  They’re my Easter gift to me.  Mom asked me where I got them and I told her she bought them for me.  She was about to start arguing with me but then I pulled out the old Carl logic and countered with “if you didn’t buy them, how’d I get them?” and she pretty much had no comeback.  It was sweet.

Dad said we couldn’t boil the eggs because we need to be careful with water, but I was way ahead of him.  I found a couple liters of Faygo in the backpack of this dead Juggalo, and I figured it’d help dye the eggs, too.  I did OK in school before all this happened but I really think the zombie apocalypse has made me into some kind of genius.  Here’s more or less what the Juggalo looked like, I think it was kind of cool.  I may go out for next Halloween as a Juggalo, if we can find any make up.  Or houses to trick or treat at.  Something tells me we’ll just be getting busy with a bunch of new stuff next Halloween, though.

Everyone’s probably going to puss out on hiding these eggs in the woods, but we can try to hide them around camp somewhere if nothing else.  You’d figure after all this time we could relax, but everyone is on edge all the time.  It’s like people, for serious, even I’m still alive.  I’m Carl.  You guys have nothing to worry about, just relax.

Anyway diary, I gotta run.  That Juggalo had a bunch of magnets in his pocket, I think I’ll play with those while I wait for this pot of Faygo to boil.  You know, aside from the lack of TV, this whole zombie thing isn’t so bad.