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The Walking Dead Just Died: A Eulogy

I needed a couple days to work up this article because of all the emotion involved.  You know the Taco loves zombies, we have zombie content up the wazoo on this site and, of course, we brought you the epic series that was the Walking Carl and its brief crossover with A Game of Hodor.  Holy Taco supports zombism.  But no more can I sit here and watch the Walking Dead.

As an avid fan of the graphic novels I was stoked for the premier of the Walking Dead a couple years back.  Season one had me enthralled despite some noticeable short comings.  Season 2..well…I started writing the Walking Carl as a response to the show’s inept handling of characters, sloppy writing and habit of repeating the same thing over and over rather than moving the story forward.

And then season 3 happened.

For all the Merles and Michonnes AMC delivers, it also has too many Loris and Andreas and just killing those terrible characters off after they annoy us unmercifully for season does not justify them.

Andrea’s character was a lawyer.  A smart human being arguably.  Her character development across season three was so terrible, so fumbled, it boggles the mind.  Her continued loyalty to the Governor, turning her back in Michonne, on the survivors “because she didn’t want anyone else to die” is so inept it hurts.   She hitched her wagon to man who kept heads in an aquarium, who organized zombie bloodsports and had his own zombie daughter locked in a room.  He tortured and sexually brutalized people, Andrea’s friends, and she did what?  Tried to organize a chitty chat session to work out everyone’s differences?  Shitty writing.

The Governor.  He was watered down from his character in the books but the key to the Governor, the key to this character was that he was a merciless bastard who had snowed an entire town of people.  He convinced them he was their savior and to question him was unthinkable.  He was the reason you were alive and keeping his people afraid was his motivation.  Woodbury was why he existed, to run the town, to be important, a villain masquerading as a hero.  Spoiler alert kids – he kills everyone.  In just the most ludicrous display of a character dropping his entire development in the toilet, he goes insane…and then two survivors just leave with him and we never see him again?

The season was supposed to end with the Governor dying because his character has absolutely nothing left to do.  He can’t grow, he can’t offer anything new.  He’s an insane murderer and now he’s promised as waste-of-time villain for season 4, rehashing this season, which is what the Walking Dead excels at.  Remember every time you cringed when Lori or Rick yelled for Carl?  Remember how you hated the endless episodes of looking for Sophia?  That’s what the show just promised us for next season – more Governor.  More of a story that is already over that they refuse to end in a timely manner.  The zombies aren’t the only thing in TWD that refuse to die.

Woodbury.  The whole town comes back to the prison on a bus.  Oh my God.  OH MY GOD!  The prison if you recall, has no back wall.  That’s how Tyreese and his crew got in.  It’s still half full of zombies.  It now has no guard towers.  And the Governor showed that anyone with a car can just drive in whenever they want.  He did it over and over again.  The prison is terrible!  WHY ARE YOU STILL IN THE PRISON?

Stupid, naïve Andrea spouted a terrible line about how we can’t make it alone, hence the motivation to bring Woodbury back to the prison.  The people of Woodbury, including Tyreese and Sasha, come back to the prison based on the word of Rick, who they already thought was insane, and one survivor from Woodbury saying the Governor killed everyone.  Ok, sure.  Why not?  WHY NOT?  Maybe the Governor murdered everyone.  Let’s all go with the guy we all think is crazy regardless of any of that because what? Why not just stay in Woodbury?  Who is writing this? How come no one smacked Carl in his mouth for being a mouthy, murdering little shit?

I’m sorry, Walking Dead.  I used to love you but this is just too much.  You ended the season without ending a story and, in fact, complicated it by not ending it.  Season 4 can’t begin now, it won’t be a new season with a new story, it will be the same season with a drawn out problem that doesn’t make sense because no one is acting in a way that makes sense.  Except Hershel’s blonde daughter who no one even knows the name of, because she never does anything.

Don’t think we haven’t noticed how often you keep tossing Lori back into the show now.  Even dead and buried her taint is ruining everything.  Fix your mistakes, get consistent writers who can write believable characters doing believable things and don’t let this shit happen again.

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