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The Worst Fail Moments and F*ck-Ups From TV News Broadcasts — A Video Tribute

(All hail Grape Lady, patron saint of newscast disasters.)

By Dustin Seibert

Last week, a Fox news affiliate in Denver accidentally aired a last-scene-of-Boogie Nights-esque dick pic during a report about a helicopter crash in Seattle. The only thing funnier than the image itself was the immediate reaction on everyone’s face and how masterfully the on-camera talent soldiered on. News anchors, with all their regality and botox, are much funnier to watch fuck-up than your average nobody, because they do it with so much seriousness. Here are just a few more examples of news broadcasts that turned out to be much funnier than the prime-time comedies that preceded them. Let’s get to it…

Anchor swears on-air, loses job: File this under the “Poor Bastard” category. A.J. Clemente landed a job as a news co-anchor — a pretty cool gig even if it is in North Dakota — only to lose it on day one, hour one, minute one, by dropping an F-bomb before he thought he was on air. Given that everyone and their baby’s mother swears on the job when they think no one is listening, I was hoping dude would get a pass. But the whole thing went viral, and his employer’s hand was basically forced to let him go. If word that he’s now a bartender is true, I really feel bad that he’ll never get to tell viewers to stay classy. Plus, news guys get waaay more trim than bartenders.

Stupid-ass weatherman eats cat vomit, admits it on air: This clown deserves a Darwin Award honorable mention for the worst string of decisions ever made for God and the world to see. First stupid decision: Hartford, Conn. weatherman Scot Haney decided he would eat some “Grape Nuts” off the floor on air, much to the disgust of his colleagues. Because, y’know, Grape Nuts are often found strewn on the floor of a news set. Second stupid decision: Upon discovering that the alleged Grape Nuts were, in fact, vomit from his own cat that trailed off of his shoes, he thought it’d be a good look to get back on air just to admit it. Third stupid decision: He hopped his happy ass on Twitter to admit it once again. I’m assuming that if this guy has a wife and kids somewhere, the former will probably be forever dry for him and the latter have earned a string of never-ending wedgies and schoolyard beat-downs. Way to keep it “real,” bro.

Model busts her ass, anchors laugh hysterically: Easily my favorite on this list. A model from a fashion show in Paris resembling Kate Moss on a cocaine bender on the 39th day of Lent after giving up solid foods went down while walking the runway in platform shoes. The fall itself is pretty funny, but it’s nothing compared to the two male newscasters who completely lost their composures laughing as it played over and over. The sole female newscaster had no chance of regaining order, as they laughed harder every time they replayed it. The most infectious laughing ever. I can’t even write this without laughing. Eeehehehehe!

Pranksters turn tragedy into straight comedy: File this under “I-shouldn’t-be-laughing-at-this-but-holy-balls-is-it-funny.” KTVU, a Bay Area station, reported the names of the pilots in the Asiana Airlines Flight 214 crash that resulted in three deaths. Except the “names” were offensive plays on Asian names that the anchor proceeded to pronounce very carefully, in that serious, anchor-y fashion that made the whole thing funnier than it should’ve been. “Ho Lee Fuk,” “Captain Sum Ting Wong.” “Bang Ding Ow.” That the lady read the names without stopping to make the “what the shit?” gesture at her producer is  just another indicator that news anchors are mindless robot people lacking the wherewithal to make judgments regarding what they read off a teleprompter in the moment. Heads were definitely cut over the incident, as they should’ve been. If I were a regular KTVU viewer, I wouldn’t even tune into the channel for horoscopes after this.

Hot reporter faints out of nowhere: Brooke Graham, a certified looker and reporter with KUTV in Salt Lake City (not to be confused with the jabronies from above at KTVU), was in the process of conducting one of those boring townie interviews to get cross-country skiing tips from a couple of nobodies when, not 10 seconds in, she provided us delicious mercy from her voice (which sounds kinda like Lois Griffin after getting hit in the windpipe) by fainting and falling back into the snow, still strapped to her skis. And like a fucking champ, she got up a few seconds later and delivered the rest of the interview from the ass of her snow pants. Apparently, she often suffers from fainting spells brought on by the cold, but she gets mad props from me by how well she played it off.

Reporter spits straight gibberish: Much like the fainter on skis above, this is another example of an existing medical condition befalling a hot reporter at the wrong damn time. Los Angeles-based Serene Branson (no relation to Richard. I think.) was reporting on the Grammys outside of the Staples Center when she announced the “very, very, dairy dervashish, dazing gblazin pertashian zkjhgwekjgrf.” Predating “Adele Dazeem” as a buzzy awards season fail by three years, it’s clear that poor Branson was suffering from a neurological issue that was not the result of anything she drank, shot or snorted. Knowing that it could’ve been a stroke playing out on live television, it’s not too funny to watch. But that won’t stop you from starting the YouTube video over and over.

Previously on the Taco: Los Angeles Reporter Mistakes Samuel L. Jackson for Laurence Fishburne

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