The world is in need of a hero. Someone we can all rely on to give us hope in these dark times we live in. We need someone valiant. We need someone heroic. We need someone awesome. We need…
CAPTAIN AWESOME!...Awesome…awesome…
Douglas Allen Smith Jr. began his life as an average out-of-work cabinet installer! But then, after being struck by gamma rays from deep space (and after watching a few episodes of the NBC show Chuck, and after visiting a judge who thought he was an idiot) Douglas Allen Smith Jr. became…
CAPTAIN AWESOME!…Awesome…awesome…
His powers are cannot be matched by either man or beast! The world of science marvels at his physiology, unable to understand how a single man can be so awesome as to attain what is evidentially the only Awesome rank to have ever been given in the history of all militaries around the world! He has the strength of a rhino that has the strength of 97 baboons, which, in turn, all individually have the strength of 1,869 meerkats! The power of all of those animals in one man! Here! On earth! Walking among us!
He’s magnanimous! He’s stupendous! He’s unemployed! He’s…
CAPTAIN AWESOME!!…Awesome…awesome…
And he also changed his official signature to a smiley face with two arrows pointing at it, but his bank wouldn’t let him us it…
Because they are his dastardly arch nemeses’!
Courtney Love & Muppet Sexual Assault
Playboy’s Big Dance March Madness Bracket Challenge
second!!