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Things You Can and Can’t Do The Day Before The Rapture

With the rapture coming tomorrow (allegedly), this could be your last day on earth. If you knew, for an absolute fact that the world was going to end, you’d have every right to act like a drunken viking, but we’ve got no guarantees here, so you’re going to have to be sensible about this. You can live today like it’s your last, but since it’s probably not, you’re going to be held responsible for whatever horrible, shortsighted decisions you made when Sunday morning rolls around. Since Holy Taco is always here to help, we’ve come up with a few things you can do to seize the day without being an asshole…

You can’t start drinking as soon as you wake up, but you can eat whatever you want for breakfast!

For your last breakfast on earth, you’ll probably want to skip food altogether and head straight to the booze, but since may not be your last breakfast on earth, you’ll want to avoid that. Try starting your day with something sugary that you normally wouldn’t eat. Cake perhaps, or donuts.

You can’t tell your boss to f*ck off, but you can make casual friday extra casual!

While it might be tempting to skip work, or quit your job like Scarface in Half-Baked, you probably shouldn’t. That’s one of those things that’s going to be really hard to play off as a joke on Monday when you all have to show up again.

Instead, try being extra casual this Friday. Jeans and a collared shirt are the standard, but try khaki shorts and a Hawaiian shirt! Why not go all out? It could be your last Friday!

You can’t just go around trying to have sex with women you’ve always wanted to have sex with, but you can remind them that the clock is ticking!

While it might be tempting to run around like an animal, humping everything that moves, you can’t do that. You don’t want to get thrown in jail, the cops don’t care whether or not the world is ending.

Instead of pursuing women caveman-style, try using your words. Approach the lady of your choosing and try saying something like “Don’t let me die a virgin”

You can’t go looting, but you can treat yourself to a new pair of shoes!

Looting looks like a lot of fun. There’s no denying that, but you don’t want to be the guy on the front page of Monday’s newspaper, carrying a flat screen with a knife in your teeth. There’s no point in stealing material items anyway. Because if the world does end, you’ll be dead.

Instead, why don’t you splurge, take some of that extra money you’ve been saving for a rainy day, and buy yourself some new shoes! That will satisfy your material desires, and if you’re experiencing buyer’s remorse when next week rolls around, you can just return them!

You can’t do tons of illegal drugs, but you can try singing a karaoke song you’ve never sung before!

It’s definitely not a good idea to try the illegal narcotics you’ve always wanted to experiment with just because there might not be a tomorrow. It sounds like a real blast, but a withdrawal is not something you’re going to deal with next week.

Instead, trying picking a song at karaoke that you’ve never sung before. Something that’s fun, and way out of your range! That’s a natural high, and a much better way to spend your last moments on earth! A crack addiction lasts forever.

You’re welcome.

5 Responses to "Things You Can and Can’t Do The Day Before The Rapture"

  1. bad acid trip says:

    No matter what happens, tomorrow is going to be a good day. Either I’ll get to laugh in some fundemenatlists’ faces, or the demons of hell will rise up and make me their king.

  2. a guy can dream says:

    sounds like a self help book