This Guy’s Probably Got An Awesome Online Dating Profile

Ladies, hello! first of all, as I am a street performer, I do meet a lot of women, but they’re mostly tourists, plebes whose origin is unfamiliar to me. I’m really looking for something a little more long-term, a relationship that will last through two queens! I’m not a rich man, and my blood is not noble, but I do ok for myself. I get many handsome offers to play a lot of LARPing events. Every worthwhile gathering like that needs a capable minstrel to accurately tell the story of the epic battles that take place in song-form! I’m rambling, my apologies, m’lady. What I’m getting at is — I’m no struggling musician. If you want to know more about this strong, capable man with an angelic voice, keep reading.

First thing people notice about me:

My Cittern, my beard, my voice. In that order, pretty much. I don’t often sing when I’m not working the streets, but occasionally I’ll bring the cittern to a house party and what was once dead comes to life! I know how to liven things up in the most Renaissance of ways.

What I’m looking for in a partner:

I’ve been on an epic search for the fairest of maidens for many years. Women find my ability to play an ancient instrument, and my understanding of French Renaissance culture entertaining for a month or two, but then they just seem to lose interest. I just want to find a woman who knows the difference between a Cittern and a lute. And it’d be great if she looked good in a ruff!

Our ideal first date:

I’m all about horse-drawn carriage rides. Unfortunately because of my recognizability, I have to stay clear of a lot of public spaces, and also malls with Hot Topics. Brooding teenagers love me. We could drink port wine in a meadow and eat turkey legs. Then I will play for you French love songs from the 16th century. Does that sound corny? If it does, then we probably won’t get along.