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Today’s Prank: “I’m A Collector”

Who doesn’t love a good prank? We here at the Taco love us a good prank. And we’ve pulled our fair share. So we decided, since it was a Saturday, we’d tell you one of our favorites we came up with a while back. It’s called “I’m A Collector.

What you’ll need:

1.) 24- 48 Ounce Glass Jar

2.) 20-40 Ounces of Lotion

PREFACE: For this prank to work, unfortunately, or fortunately depending on how you look at it, you have to have found a woman who wants to have sex with you. Preferrably this is a one night stand, but it also works with a girlfriend or wife. You’ll also need to use a condom, which you should be anyway, you dirty bastard.

SET UP: Take the empty jar and fill it three quarters full with the body lotion. Seal the jar and place it underneath your bed.

EXECUTION: After having sex, nonchalantly roll off your partner and remain laying beside them for a couple moments. Perhaps tell them how much you enjoyed it, or make other small talk. “What do you think about this election? or “Have you ever been to Applebee’s? There’s a few things I think you’d like on the menu there. Anything that makes you seem totally at ease.

After a few moments, sit up and continue your conversation as you reach under your bed and pull out the jar of lotion which you hid earlier. Bring the jar onto the bed and set it on the night stand next to you. Do not call attention to it, continue your conversation. If she asks what it is, say “oh, just a jar, and continue talking about whatever you were previously discussing. Then open the jar, and set the lid down. Remove the condom from your penis, being careful not to spill any of its contents. Carry it over to your jar and with your forefinger and thumb, squeeze what’s inside of it, into the jar that’s already 3/4ths full of lotion/what looks to be your semen. Then seal the jar and place it back under your bed and turn to her and say “Sorry, I’m a collector.

Then let hilarity ensue!

18 Responses to "Today’s Prank: “I’m A Collector”"

  1. srqcub says:

    I would start a new jar, than label it, and put in a cabinet next to the others.

  2. vv says:

    lol dsa, what do you mean almost never. If I take a chick home I know im atleast getting a blowjob. I mean ok, if shes one of those chicks whose like ooo thats gross I dont do it, then alright. But ive found most chicks dig giving head. Most suck at it anyways, but im just saying, it sounds like you’ve never had a bj, or well… have horrible game.

  3. So disturbingly creepy, I love it.

    Satire for the win!


  4. holycow says:

    why not combine the two? blind fold bj, then while telling her your about to come, pull out a water pistol filled with lotion and shoot it on her face, tits, mirror desk, ceiling the neighbor, everywhere until the gun is empty. use non scented lotion of course..

  5. Pratik says:

    “Most chicks suck at giving head anyways…”

    Quote of the week.

  6. token says:

    haha not my girlfriend, u’ve just had bad luck my friend keep looking.
    and that is freaking great i might have to use that one for kicks

  7. Narf says:

    How ’bout instead of lotion, tapioca pudding?

  8. oillie says:

    # Pratik Says:
    October 26th, 2008 at 06:49 am

    “Most chicks suck at giving head anyways…”

    Quote of the week.
    # token Says:
    October 26th, 2008 at 07:28 pm

    haha not my girlfriend, u’ve just had bad luck my friend keep looking.
    and that is freaking great i might have to use that one for kicks

    HOW DO YOU THINK SHE GOT THAT WAY, eating popsicles?

  9. Ric says:

    One of my housemates at Uni used to collect his baby batter in a pint glass. He got it filled to about half a pint, then emptied the contents into another guys shampoo bottle. We now call the guy Vidal Sassoon.

  10. Joe says:

    Kinda creepy but that would work. I still like the blindfolded BJ prank better:

    Get a one-night stand chick and (somehow) convince her to do a BJ blindfolded. This works a lot better if you are at her place instead of yours. While she’s doing it, tell her you’re going to come on her face. If she says no, then say you’ll do it on her tits. Or wherever she’ll agree to.

    After a while of her doing it, pretend you’re about to climax and say you’re going to come all over her face/tits/whatever. She should still be blindfolded at this point, hopefully. Then pull it out of her mouth and be like “ahhh here it comes” and then throw a whipped cream pie on her face.

    I don’t know where you would hide a whipped cream pie during all of this… maybe have a buddy quietly come in and hand it to you while she’s blindfolded. I don’t know. But the frozen WTF initial reaction on her part might give you enough time to put on your pants and haul ass out of her place before she comes at you with a steak knife.

  11. michael says:

    this if fucking awesome…….an instant classic

  12. Josh says:

    I more concerned about going to the store and buying a huge ass thing of lotion.

  13. Jay says:

    That’s awesome… same with Joe’s suggestion above, although the downside is you don’t want a girl to have a negative association with giving you BJs…

  14. elliotlaberge says:

    seriously? this sort of sucks. not funny at all. even if you’re 13.

  15. Lucian says:

    The lotion is really only optional in that scenario though isn’t it?!

  16. Diego R. says:

    what would be way grosser is if the girl you were with took off you condom and put it in HER own jar…

  17. Diego R. says:

    what would be way grosser is if the girl you were with took off YOUR condom and put it in HER own jar…

  18. dsa says:

    wow, joe. let me guess! You’ve never had a bj?
    If you are single and you actually get a bj, witch happens like almost never, you do NOT ruin the whole thing by throwing a fuckin pie in the girls face! Getting a BJ as a single dude is bigger than meeting jesus! And what the fuck i wrong with your friend? Get the fuck out of the room!

    And this shit was awesome! Hope HT makes this a weekly regular!

    And yes, I am hung over and did my best to score with my room mate (yes, she is a girl) and that didn’t go very well! Fucking penis! It’s going to get awkward later!