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“Tom Hanks” By Buckwheat Groats Is the Greatest Tom Hanks-Themed Rap Song of All Time, Period

The new video for “Tom Hanks” by rap duo Buckwheat Groats has been taking the Internet by storm since yesterday, and the hype is well-deserved. Basically, rappers Penis Baily the Bailey and Lil’ Dinky (aka Deff Janiels) have gone through Tom Hanks’s IMDb filmography and crafted sex-and-money puns for nearly every movie he’s ever been in. The lack of a Joe Versus the Volcano reference is disappointing, but still, this is important, high-quality work. Plus, the juxtaposition of Hanks’s lovable face amidst all this gangster shit is instantly hilarious. Check out the lyrics below…

[Intro]
You know, there’s a lot of great actors out there in the world. Vince Vaughn comes to mind. David Duchovny. But there’s only one man you can call the greatest. Back to back Academy Awards. Four Golden Globes. And when it comes to this rap shit…bitch I’m Tom Hanks!

Hanks, Hanks
Bitch I’m Tom Hanks
In a league of my own, bitch I’m Tom Hanks
Hanks, Hanks
I think I’m Tom Hanks
Meg Ryan on my phone, bitch I’m Tom Hanks
Hanks, Hanks, Hanks, Hanks
Got that Nora Ephron white and that bomb dank
Hanks, Hanks
I think I’m Tom Hanks
Big money motherfucker boy I’m Tom Hanks

I’m Tom Hanks and you’re not Hanks
How the fuck you gon’ stop Hanks?
8.5 billion at the box office, that’s top rank
My band of brothers got bands, we in the club and we flexin’
Make a movie with your bitch, Steven Spiel- Robert Zemeckis
Boy I’m Hanks’d up, double cup, higher than Jim Lovell was
I eat so many fuckin’ shrimp, I’m a VIP at the Bubba Gump
My money long, that’s the green mile, my pockets ready to blow
My weed extremely loud, your girl incredibly close

Bitch I’m Tom Hanks, world in my pocket
Your life’s a bag of shit, my life is like a box of chocolates
Yeah I got a woody, yeah I hang with Barbies
Yeah I live my whole life like it’s a bachelor party
My girl stay wet, got the movie Splash in her cooch
My bitch a head turner, your bitch just look like Hooch
Sally Field my sidepiece, Meg Ryan my boo thang
I’m with Colin, I’m with Chet, so you know that I be rolling with two Hanks!

Hanks, Hanks
Bitch I’m Tom Hanks
In a league of my own, bitch I’m Tom Hanks
Hanks, Hanks
I think I’m Tom Hanks
Meg Ryan on my phone, bitch I’m Tom Hanks
Hanks, Hanks, Hanks, Hanks
Got that Nora Ephron white, and that bomb dank
Hanks, Hanks
I think I’m Tom Hanks
Bitch I smell like the bank, call me Tom Hanks

You bitches got mail, it’s a large package
Kush got me in the clouds, I need a cloud atlas
Got two bitches, that’s my bosom buddies
I’m ballin’ like Wilson on all you herbs
My cocaine got em sleepless from Seattle to the fuckin’ burbs
Houston we got a problem, Hanks
Blowin up Vietnam, Hanks
My flow is sicker than Andrew Beckett, y’all motherfuckers make me vom, Hanks
My dick big, like the movie was
I’m in the money pit, but this ain’t no movie, cuz

Catch me if you can, driving fast and sipping Henny
Middle finger to the marshall, no disrespect to Penny
But we don’t associate with cops, no not any
Just the facts, fuck a Joe Friday, hit him with that semi
Got a private jet at the terminal, call me castaway on my private island
Don’t love these hoes, won’t save these hoes
Who you think you is, bitch, Private Ryan?
Larry crown me, King of Diamonds
I’m trying to see you twerk it, boo
Drop that ass, make it clap
Ooh, do that thing you do!

Hanks, Hanks
Bitch I’m Tom Hanks
In a league of my own, bitch I’m Tom Hanks
Hanks, Hanks
I think I’m Tom Hanks
Meg Ryan on my phone, bitch I’m Tom Hanks
Hanks, Hanks, Hanks, Hanks
Got that Nora Ephron white and that bomb dank
Hanks, Hanks
I think I’m Tom Hanks
Suck my motherfucking dick, bitch I’m Tom Hanks

*********

As hot as this “Tom Hanks” track is, it’s not even the Groats’ best work. That would be this:

And this:

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