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Top 10 Gold Diggers

10. Hugh Hefner’s 3 Girlfriends

This is not a bad gig. They only have to bang him 1/3 of the time that a normal gold digging person would. Of course he’s 3 times as hideous naked, so it kind of evens out.

9. Reichen Lehmkul

Here’s a good rule of thumb; if you’re famous and someone has sex with you, then says “I’m going to write a book about me banging you,” your relationship may end up being problematic.

8. Howard K. Stern

Yes, one fortune spawned two people on this list. This dude is using a baby as leverage to get money. That secures his place on another list; Top 10 people Satan will anally rape when they get to hell.

7. Stedman Graham

He keeps a low profile because Oprah hasn’t married him yet, but don’t count Stedman out. He’s made it through 11 fat Oprah’s and 4 skinny ones. He’s no quitter.

6. Vanessa Laine

All you need to know about her is that when Kobe committed “adultery,” she demanded he buy her a 4 million dollar ring. She put a monetary value on banging other chicks. What a pioneer in the field of gold digging.

5. Ana Benson

She gave herself away when she started partaking in her husband’s contract negotiations with the Mets. At first that may seem like a stupid move on her Hubbies part, but who will more aggressively pursue money for him? His agent, or the woman who intends to divorce him and take half of it?

4. K-Fed

Everyone thinks he’s stupid, but think about this: In the last two years he’s impregnated Britney which forever linked him to her fortune AND managed to come out of the whole ordeal looking like the sane and responsible one. The fact he dresses like a retarded Paddington Bear makes his dastardly scheme all the more impressive.

3. Heather Mills-McCartney

There’s two sure fire ways to make people hate you. 1) Crap in the top part of their toilet, and 2) Marry a Beatle, then divorce him and take half his money. She has one leg and people still hate her. That’s an accomplishment.

2. Kimora Lee Simmons

Possibly the most annoying on the list. Russell promoted her to head of his clothing company, then she divorced him, took his money, and started banging Djimon Honsou. That’s scary efficient gold digging. You may want to check your pants right now. There’s a good chance Kimora somehow just got custody of your wallet, phone and penis.

1. Anna Nicole Smith

She banged an 89 year old, wheel chair bound man worth 500 million dollars. She’s the Babe Ruth of Gold Diggers. And just like the Babe, she weighed 400 pounds and is dead.

19 Responses to "Top 10 Gold Diggers"

  1. Anonymous says:

    There’s no question that Anna Nicole Smith will go down in history as the Babe Ruth of gold diggers, but isn’t it interesting in life the way that “what goes around comes around”, and Anna Nicole Smith found Howard K. Stern, who was at least the Mickey Mantle of gold diggers.

  2. Anonymous says:

    Show some respect for the dead! Damnnn!!!!

  3. inKS says:

    Yep; a gold digger is still a gold digger,when the gold mine is unfaithful. Even more so, if the digger remains with the unfaithful mine.

  4. Wanna Throwup says:

    Seconds on Joanne Rachelle Lovejoy of Loveland Colorado. Looking for the goose that “laid” the golden egg…..

  5. Anonymous says:

    You forgot Joanne Rochelle Lovejoy of Loveland Colorado…There’s a common golddigger for ya

  6. 6zakazov says:

    Very interesting interview, has learnt a lot of new, thanks

  7. Dr Henry Killinger says:

    You missed Ashley Jaquith of Waco, TX….only chick I know who marries a soldier when he returns from Iraq (wounded I might add!) and then leaves him 6 months later, then uses every stupid loophole in the military to take every last cent possible…truly the “White Trash Trailer Park Slut” of the world!

  8. I like Mike says:

    Don’t forget Robin Givens (and her Mom).

  9. Anonymous says:

    Is a woman a gold digger if the guy is unfaithful constantly?

    Kobe got off easy & Russell Simmons got what was coming to him.

    How is Heather Mills not first or second?

  10. Linda says:

    Same goes for cock!!! 4 of these top 10 are men. ;)

  11. Sprmcandy says:

    Pussy is anything but free !!!!!

  12. Anonymous says:


  13. AK_Transplant says:

    I heard an interview with McCartney when he was separated from Mills. The reporter asked him if he would ever go down on one knee again and Paul said without missing a beat ‘are you referring to Heather?’ I dotn care who you are . . . thats funny.

  14. Andrew says:

    Have any of these people heard of a prenuptual agreement?

  15. quarrygirl says:

    this was a really funny list, but i think heather mills should be at the top! bitch!!!

  16. Brendon says:

    Hahaha, this is a great list.

  17. polar bear says:

    thats why its good to be broke. money for nothing and the chicks for free !

  18. snoop says:

    how come ms Jordan and MS spielberg are not on the list????

  19. Anonymous says:

    Dear Kobe,

    LOOK AT VANESSA LAINE YOU IDIOT!!! You cheated on her?!!!

    Heather Mills ftw though…after she got a fortune from Paul, she dumped a jug of water on Paul’s lawyer right in court! Worst b**** ever.