Sort of popular, grown-up social networking site LinkedIn recently published the results of a survey which asked people what their worst office pet peeves were. The results weren’t all that surprising. Turns out, your co-workers will be annoyed by you if you’re an inconsiderate, late, messy, irresponsible jerk. You probably already knew that. You also probably despise the people you work with because they probably fit the description of the aforementioned jerk. If you want to annoy them, you’re going to have to out-peeve them. Thanks to LinkedIn’s survey results, and this article, you will now have a handy how-to guide for doing just that.
5. People who don’t respond to emails.
There’s no real excuse for it. Between personal mobile devices and the relative reliability of email services, people are getting your emails. This isn’t the Pony Express. So when you’re intentionally ignoring someone’s messages, the best way to further their frustration is to wait until they personally remind you to respond, then respond, but respond completely off topic. For example, if your co-worker emails you asking “Did you see the updates on those reports I sent you?” reply with “I’m opting out of the fantasy football draft this year, unfortunately. Just don’t have the time.”
That way, your co-worker can’t say “You don’t reply to my e-mails!” Because you do, you just do it like an asshole.
4. Starting meetings late or going long.
Nobody likes meetings. They’re relatively ineffective and they pull you away from your desk for seemingly no good reason. You don’t like getting pulled away from your desk, because that’s where you do all of your super-important facebooking.
The simple way to ensure you’ve thoroughly pissed off your co-workers is to hold several of your own meetings. In the first meeting, discuss what you plan to cover in the series of meetings you’ve planned. Start those meetings late, and schedule them just before lunch time. Keep them running long, through lunch.
3. Dirty common areas.
Nothing worse than a gross office fridge, or a disgusting break room. A good way to make this situation worse, and passively claim responsibility for it, is to label all of your food by putting a piece of tape with your name on it. Then, leave the wrappers and empty containers all over the break room. People will have no doubt that the mess is yours, but you can try and deny it anyway. Repeat the process for several weeks to become everyone’s new enemy.
2. Constant complainers.
Nobody likes a whiner, which is why you should work extra hard to become the biggest whiner in your office. You can’t stop with just vocal complaining around the water-cooler, you’ve got to take your campaign viral, use the power of social media. Start a Twitter account for hour by hour complaints. In your off hours at home, make regular youtube videos where you dish about the failures and inconsistencies of management. You may end up getting fired, but you’re going to leave a legend!
1. People not taking ownership for their actions.
It’s called passing the buck, and if you really want to piss people off, do it all the time. Only take credit for your successes. Anything bad that happens can and should be accredited to one of your less assertive co-workers. Make sure you’re vocal about placing the blame. Use your Twitter account if you have to.