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Top 8 Celebs to Die in ’08

Because predicting when regular people are going to die isn’t fun.

8.  Michael Vick

He’s in jail.  I know what happens in jail, I’ve seen Oz and watched that Adam Sandler movie, and I was horrified by both.  He’s got a target on his back, and prisoners are just like middle linebackers except sometimes after they tackle you, they forcefully rape you.

Likely Cause Of Death: I’m guessing it will be a shanking.  Just to show you how dangerous jail is, look at these everyday items you use at home, and see how the same items serve a different purpose in jail.

7. Joe Francis

The founder of Girls Gone Wild who made millions off drunk girls showing their boobs, making every frat guy in the country say “fuck dude, why didn’t we think of that?”

Likely Cause Of Death: Karma, bitch.  God was nice enough to make alcohol so girls would show their boobs, then Joe Francis had to take God’s gift and make a fortune from it.   That makes God angry.  I haven’t read the bible, but I hear that’s bad.  To show you just how much people hate him, here’s his approval rating in comparison to some others:

6. Random 80s Sitcom Supporting Character

Every year there’s a death of some actor we sort of remember, but not really.  Then someone says “you know it’s the guy from ___ who always said ___.”  Then you’re like “Oh yeah!”  Then you never think about that person again.

Here are your choices.


5. Artie Lange

Sidekick to Howard Stern, Artie Lange’s popularity has grown enormously, but so has his big fat ass.  Artie gained almost 100 pounds in one year, which,  to put in perspective, is like waking up one morning to find Nicole Richie surgically attached to your back, carrying a 25 pound barbell.

Likely Cause Of Death: Either a heroin overdose or a meatball parmesan overdose.  Either way, let’s take a look at what doctors will find in Artie’s stomach!

4. Lindsay Lohan

If your estranged father calls into the Howard Stern show on a regular basis in an attempt to reconcile with you, chances are you are going to be one incredibly fucked up kid.

Likely Cause Of Death: This is a self-esteem issue.  While normally I’d say hot chicks with low self-esteem allow normal dudes a chance to bang them, in this case, it’s a train to deathville, which is not in Missouri, even though it seems like it would be.  With each shitty movie, her self-esteem falls further, allowing more and more random and potentially dangerous dudes to do her.  See the chart below:

3. Don Imus


He’s back on the air and also apparently half-way through some sort of mummification process.  If you think a man that looks like that is going to live another full year, then you’re either crazy, or Abe Vigoda.

Likely Cause Of Death: Look at the man.  Seriously, take a look at these two pictures and tell me which one is Imus.

2. Amy Winehouse

Alright, she does a lot of drugs and drinks a lot of alcohol.  But so do many celebrities.  But many celebrities don’t get caught wandering the streets in the wee hours of the morning looking like they were attacked by penises that shot cocaine out of their urethra.

Likely Cause Of Death: Believe it or not, I say a heart attack due to her diet.  Let’s take a look at Amy’s food pyramid:

1. Britney Spears

Not only is she on this list, she’s the reason why I made this list.  I’ve seen bigger messes before, but they were coming out of an elephant’s asshole at the zoo.

Likely Cause Of Death: I wasn’t sure here, so I made a pie graph to show the different options.

59 Responses to "Top 8 Celebs to Die in ’08"

  1. marty says:

    Comedy, good work!!

    The only problem is you have to do it every year.

  2. the truth says:

    dude, Mother Teresa is dead.

  3. VR says:

    Yeah, but Mother Teresa has hella good karma!

  4. ddd says:

    Nice work

  5. [...] This is a pretty good list with pictures and charts. Likely Cause Of Death: Karma, bitch. God was nice enough to make alcohol so girls would show their boobs, then Joe Francis had to take God’s gift and make a fortune from it. That makes God angry. I haven’t read the bible, but I hear that’s bad. To show you just how much people hate him, here’s his approval rating in comparison to some others: [...]

  6. [...] …not sure of the morality of this… [...]

  7. bobbyd says:

    This is an awesome list. Great job!

    I think Artie form the Howard Stern show is going to surprise us all this year…He has been getting wicked depressed about these chicks turning him down even when he is offering them $50,000 for sex! Eventually he is going to kill himself with heroin or he is going to turn completely around…I hope he turns around cause since he gained all this weight and became depressed, he just isn’t the same!

    Also, i know alot of people hate Britney now, but i hope she does Playboy or some other top of the lone nudes…cause back in the day i had a huge crush on her and i would hate for her to die before i get to see a good beaver shot on her…I know her vag can’t be as ugly as it was in those pics….maybe the leather from Paris’s car dried out her vag lips and thats why it was so ugly!!!! I can dream can’t I!!! =)

  8. Fresh Links says:

    Top 8 Celebrities to die in 2008

    Top 8 Celebrities to die in 2008
    I like Amy Winehouse’s diet

  9. cocker says:

    leave brittney ALOOONE!!!

  10. peter guszti says:

    Britney spears comments, and Lindsey Lohan are so funny. I feel sorry for Lindsay though, even though we all know she sleeps with guys cause she loves it, I think she gets picked on too much, I posted this article on my blog, with extra comments,www.opentopix.com/topic/off-beat/top-8-celebrities-to-die-in-2008

  11. Evan says:

    Hilarious read. Although this isn’t really the most auspicious way to start 2008.

  12. Doug says:

    Who cares, as long as these has-beens just die already.

    Preferably very painfully, involving lots and lots of heavy machinery with sharp blades.

  13. I’m on board with all these hacks dying. Throw in that irritating naked Asian Patriots fan for a sound niner.

  14. PI Outsource says:

    You Rock and So Do You!

  15. This post rocked! Love it… so true. You should check out Don Imus’ “Choad File” on the ChoadNetwork. It’s almost as disgusting as the man himself. Keep up the good work!

  16. [...] Shout-outs to Megs, here’s a funny list of the top 8 most likely celeb deaths of 2008. [...]

  17. mrs soft taco says:

    lmao love the charts, esp. li-lo’s crying out loud you just cant go anywhere on the web without running into her hahaha by mid-year she’d be top on my pathetic list:
    http://www.makefive.com/categories/entertainment/celebrity/the-most-pathetic-celebrities-of-2007

  18. mr x says:

    i suggest you mind your own biz and and keep vibe more positive, it’s not really funny. you are a sad person. sooner or later you’ll see what kind of a fool you are. mr T would say, I pitty the fool!

  19. Colm Nelsson says:

    i think britney is already halfway there

    she’s in the hospita now

    how ’bout that!

  20. Fran says:

    If Britney dies after Dec. 2nd she will be 27 and join Kurt Cobain, Jimi Hendrix, Jim Morrison and Janis Joplin in the 27 Club

  21. Taylor says:

    She doesn’t deserve a spot on Dec. 2nd

  22. Earl. Attcoa says:

    These are funny until you get to Britney. I think now that she completely lost custody of her kids,she’ll either get pregnant by another guy,any guy, just to have another kid or she’ll accidentally overdose or kill herself by April 13th of this year.
    As for Lohan sleeping with so many guys,yeah and she does it not based on looks or money. Why not share what you have,she’s got good Kharma!

  23. teki says:

    I claim my free bang with Lindsay Lohan,please.

  24. Mark says:

    I said to my wife today that I had a feeling Britney Spears would be dead by the end of the year. I don’t wish it by any means, but I think it will happen.

  25. Jess says:

    Awesome list! I’m actually in a facebook group called Britney Spears Will Be Dead By 2008…we were off…but after everything that’s happened in the last few days, I’m curious as to just how off we were.

  26. gary says:

    I think she will date a stalker…..who will attack her….because thats what they do in arkansas/hollywood…..because she spit her nacho cheese on the thong of her stalker/bf during oral sex while driving her car down the 5 from LA to San Diego during a rainstorm and gets hit by lighting………..bites the stalkers/bf pee pee off…causing a major accident………………then lindsey lohan and paris hilton……shoots the biatch….for ruining their reputation………story at 11:00

  27. Anonymous says:

    i don’t give a ” ” if you guys agree with this site. i agree with the person above. the people that like this site need to get a life.

  28. Anonymous says:

    why dont you all shut up. this is the worst site ever !!!!!!!!!!!!!! i hate all of you!!!!!

  29. Sugg says:

    The graphs really bring it all alive for me.

  30. Salamndstron says:

    WHOA this is totally going to help me win on this game. You pick the clebs that you think will get the most coverage and you pull them into your ” team” then whoever gets the most media coverage gets the most points. With this list ill go straight to the top

  31. Wander says:

    So just for fun I googled that starvsstar site its http://www.starvsstar.com and dude it seems like friggan phantasyfootball 4 celebrities and im friggan joining it and picking courtney love she is bound to mess up soon HAHAHAHAHAHA

  32. CagePotato says:

    Actually, if you look at the latest Gallup poll, Pile of Shit has a higher approval rating than George Bush in Michigan, New Mexico and Virginia. In Iowa, the difference falls within the margin of error.

  33. dickgrays1 says:

    Personally, I think that all of these assholes who leave spam comments on Holy Taco should die, as well.

    ESPECIALLY the ones who leave two comments in the same article, one of which is pretending to be a random dude.

    Hey Taco Boy, can you make your next list “Top 10 Spam Commenters To Die in January, 2008?”

  34. Ronsterfilm says:

    this is hilarious. Celebrities are lame!

  35. howardspenis says:

    BABA BOOIE BABA BOOIE

  36. Igor says:

    hehe… funny stuff :)

  37. Socks Manly says:

    lol where do you come up with this stuff.. The Lohan graph made me laugh loud enough to wake up my wife in the next room. lolz.. :) Good work.

  38. [...] Lange likely to die in 2008 According to website holytaco.com Artie Lange is one of 8 celebrities predicted to die in 2008. As a matter of fact, Artie Lange is [...]

  39. ALI - D says:

    To read more about Artie Lange, go to http://www.artielangeisdead.com.

  40. mike says:

    i love the list its all hilarious you couldnt have picked a better no 1

  41. PovertyPaul says:

    Good call, although personally I’m feeling a bill cosby for the 2 spot but, fair enough… I suppose.

  42. Hektic says:

    I already miss Artie Lange, I believe he will die with a hooker in one hand and a chicken parm in the other with a marlboro in his mouth. With a shot of Jack sitting on the table and lines perfectly laid out. Oh how George Takei will miss his grizzly bear.

  43. Kay says:

    Haha.. great list! Nicely done with the graphs!

  44. artie says:

    artie

    cool site !!!

  45. Anonymous says:

    what do you mean “cool site” you idiot

  46. First person I thought of when I saw this headline was Artie… sure enough, he’s on the list.

    Here’s to hoping he turns himself around.

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  50. greg andrews says:

    I love bitney from head to toe and would savor every moment with the opportunity to kiss each part,She is still sexy even though she sucks as a mother

  51. celebs risk says:

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  52. tom bailey says:

    where is george W bush’s name I hope he dies a slow misrable death

  53. Anonymous says:

    budalo jedna
    sranje od sajta
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  54. Gerry says:

    Of course Amy, Lindsay and Britney couldn’t miss this top. Why would they, we only know them lately for their drug habits so I guess everyone is expecting “more” of them as long as they are out of a drug rehab center

  55. Tristan says:

    Agreed.

  56. Michelle says:

    Apparently you were pretty wrong about Lindsay Lohan. She won’t have dudes all over her… no… She likes women! HA! And my prediction for her death is a defiantly overdose. She keeps going in drug rehabs, trying to get clean. However, as soon she’s out, she’s sniffing another cocaine line. Defiantly an overdose!

  57. Anonymous says:

    Lol same XD