Explore Holy Taco

Totally BS Profile of Amanda Bynes

Amanda Bynes first rose to fame at the age of 10 on the Nickelodeon show "All That."  From there, she eventually landed her own show, the creatively named "The Amanda Show" and went on to star in a bunch of movies we’ve never seen.
But now, it may all be over.  The 24 year old star recently announced on Twitter that acting is no longer fun and therefore she’s not going to do it anymore.  Shocking news, to be sure.  To get a few more details about the motivation behind this surprising decision, we didn’t sit down with Amanda Bynes.  But here’s what it would have looked like if we did, probably.

HT: So, you’re done with acting, huh?
AB: Yeah, I’ve found that it just isn’t fun anymore.  When something stops being fun, I don’t do it anymore.
HT: You know what else isn’t fun?  Being broke.
AB: I’ve done alright with my money, so I’ll be f…
HT: Whatever.  We think you’re missing the point here.
AB: And what would that point be?
HT: If you quit acting, we’ll probably never see your rack again.  That’s deplorable.
AB: You’re disgusting.
HT: At least we’re employed, baby. 
AB: F**k off.
HT: Such language.  What would Nickelodeon think?  Hey, we heard another rumor.  Is it true you’re getting plastic surgery?
AB: No, that’s not true at all.
HT: Well then why did we read it on the internet?  It wouldn’t be on the internet if it wasn’t true.  Like that story about Obama being one of those lizard people who secretly control the world.  Same thing.
AB: Yes.  Exactly the same thing.
HT: Watch it, sassybaskets.  So, back to your plastic surgery.  Is it because you’re so tall?  Getting the ol’ legs shortened?  It’s only fair.  What if you meet Prince or Tom Cruise someday?  You don’t want to be rude.
AB: What? Do people even do that? You’re not making any sense right now.
HT: Yeah. Wait, is it because of the cross eyed thing?
AB: Excuse me?
HT: We’re just saying, sometimes when the camera catches you at the right angle, you look kind of like you just got nailed in the head with a very large rock.  Or a bat perhaps.  Baseball bat.  Not the flying kind.  Don’t be retarded.
AB: What?  That’s not true.
HT: It’s not? This photo begs to differ.
AB: Oh my God. This is unbelieveable.  You know, it’s people like you who make me want to quit acting.
HT: Really? Can you put us in touch with Megan Fox then?  Because she should probably hang it up as well.  She’s really bad.
AB: What?
HT: Never mind.  Hey, one last question before you storm out?
AB: Make it quick.
HT: You’ve been famous for a long time.  Since you were quite young.
AB: That’s not a question.
HT: Well, we’re just wondering.  All of these pictures we have posted.  Are they safe?  Like, to fap to? You’re over 18 in all of them, right?
AB: I’m out of here.  You’re sick.

8 Responses to "Totally BS Profile of Amanda Bynes"

  1. Dan says:

    Fake & Gay for the interview, but yea, gonna miss her legs & rack.

  2. Dank says:

    I hope she takes up pole dancing

  3. Adam West says:

    nice, will miss the rack for sure

  4. Amanda Bynes says:

    It’s ok, the Internet will still have my pictures plus in about 2 years when I’m outta cash I’ll release my porn vid :) Love Amanda

  5. Dwight K. Schrute says:

    Who cares, as long as we still have pictures of those legs and that rack.

  6. blech says:

    she is not cute and can’t act for shit… how do you ‘retire’ from a job you can’t do?

  7. jelly roll says:

    i give it 5 years then she’ll realize she needs one last payday. and who’s going to swoop in and save her…HEF!! amanda bynes, miss october 2015!

  8. orifice jerkoff says:

    i dunno, i haven’t seen her momma but her face looks like she comes from solid BBW stock so she might have bloomed into a beautiful dirigible by then.