Explore Holy Taco

Totally BS Profile of Kimberly Caldwell

kimberly caldwell
 
Every day here at Holy Taco has been a learning process since we’ve come aboard.  For example, did you know that managing editor Ian Fortey laughs whenever he reads the word "come?"  That’s twice now.  Seriously, he’s on the floor right now. 
 
But that’s not the only kind of stuff we learn.  Sometimes as a part of this internet comedy process we learn things that downright shock us.  For example, did you know that after American Idol ends, those wacky kids are allowed to live?  Yeah.  Some of them even go on to do stuff that none of us will ever care about!
 
Recently, we sat down* with one such American Idol alum, Kimberly Caldwell, to talk about life after American Idol.

 
 
 
HT:  Ok, so, right off the bat…who the hell are you?
 
KC:  Excuse me?
 
HT:  Are you Jessica Simpson?
 
KC:  My name is Kimberly Caldwell.  I was a finalist on American Idol.
 
Kimberly Caldwell American Idol
 
HT:  Really?  Which season?
 
KC:  Season two.
 
HT:  Huh.  And we’re interviewing you why?  Because, like, there was some fat kid with Sideshow Bob hair who was a finalist on American Idol once.  You don’t see us interviewing that freak show, do you?
 
 
KC:  Nice.  Well, I have a new album coming out.
 
HT:  Holy shit, really?  Well, that’s news then we reckon.  What is this, album number four or so? 
 
KC:  This is my debut album.
 
 
HT:  Wait.  You were on season two of American Idol, right?
 
KC:  Yes.
 
HT:  And you’re just now putting out an album?  Nice work ethic, lazy bones!  Season two was like fifteen years ago.
 
KC:  You’re a dick.
 
HT:  That’s harsh.  You didn’t even let us finish.  We were going to say we were just joking.  We know you’ve been busy all these years what with filming 24 and all.  How’s Jack?
 
KC:  I think you have me mistaken for Elisha Cuthbert.
 
Elisha Cuthbert 24
 
HT:  Wait, who are you again?
 
KC:  Jesus.  Kimberly Caldwell.  American Idol.  I’m a singer.
 
HT:  No, that’s not right.
 
KC:  What?
 
HT:  Are you Mandy Moore?
 
 
KC:  I’m out of here. 
 
HT:  Whatever, loser.
 
 

*indicates outright lie

 
 
 

2 Responses to "Totally BS Profile of Kimberly Caldwell"

  1. KIMBERLY CALDWELL'S TWIN SISTER says:

    SO WHO THE FUCK IS THIS BITCH AGAIN ? COME ON NOW
    (THAT SHOULD TICKLE YOUR FANCY IAN FORTEY)

  2. Anon says:

    MOAR Elisha Cuthbert pics.

    Also, sauce on that Elisha Cuthbert pic.