Here at HolyTaco, we're big sports fans. And we're also big fans of eating piles of snack foods while we watch said sports. So, in honor of the Super Bowl and our need to cram our faces full of processed foods with funny names, we created this football stadium made entirely out of snack foods.
Ingredients:
The Field:
1 Pound of Guacamole
15 Oz. Queso Dip For The Steelers End Zone
15 Oz. Salsa For The Cardinals End Zone
2 Oz. Sour Cream for the Field Lines
The Players:
15 Vienna Sausages
Helmets - 3 Oz. Sharp Cheddar Cheese
The Goal Posts:
1 Slim Jim for Each Goal Post
1 Oz. Monterey Jack Cheddar To Anchor (each)
The Stands:
58 Twinkies
1 Pound of Bacon
1 Bag of Nacho Cheese Doritos
1 Bag of Cheetos
1 Bag of Corn Tortilla Chips
1 Bag of Chex Mix
The Blimp:
20 Oz. Football-Shaped Summer Sausage (optional) (on second thought, no, this isn't optional. Go buy one.)
TOTAL CALORIES: 24,375
TOTAL GRAMS OF FAT: 1,285
TOTAL COST: $86.47
TOTAL DELICIOUSNESS: 1 Billion trillion, dude. One billion trillion.
The Process:
STEP 1 - Ingredients:
Put all your ingredients on an empty table and take a really crappy photo of them.
STEP 2- The Field:
Take one pound of guacamole and smear it on the center of a baking tray, leaving a section on either end for the end zones.
STEP 3 - The End Zones
It's important here to fill one end zone with one filling, and one end zone with another, so that neither team receives home field deliciousness. We chose salsa for the Cardinals, and Queso dip for the Steelers.
STEP 4 - Yard Lines
Take sour cream and put it into a turkey baster, then squeeze gently to make the yard lines across the field.
STEP 5 - The Players and goal posts
Vienna sausages make delicious players, and tiny cheese wedge helmets help keep them from getting concussions. Two different types of cheese helps to distinguish the teams. The goal posts are made from Slim Jim's, that we cut up, then stuck together with tooth picks. Monterey Jack cheese was used as an anchor to keep them standing, with a tooth pick linking the two together. At no point was it necessary to "snap in to" any of these slim jims. Cutting worked better.
FIELD REVIEW
Now that the field is finished, you can begin constructing the stadium around it, which you will also eat. It's important to lay down some paper towels, so that no food comes in contact with your disgusting table top. (Because if you're a person who makes this, you definitely have a disgusting table top.)
STEP 6 - The Stadium
The twinkie is nature's brick. You can make your stadium as large as you want, depending on how many twinkies you have at your disposal. We had 58. And probably could have used 90. Use tooth picks to secure the twinkies to one another. This outer stadium wall will provide a delicious dessert when the contents of the stadium have been eaten.
STEP 7 - The Bacon Wall
The bacon wall is the most important part of the stadium, because it keeps the throngs of screaming fans, in this case chips, from falling on the field, in this case the guacamole and salsa. Insert tooth picks into the first row of twinkies, and then weave the bacon in and out of them, so that it forms a pliable wall.
STEP 8: The Fans/Chips
Without the fans, there would be no game. It's no different in your snack stadium, so select four different kinds of snacks to fill the stands. Be sure to use pieces of bacon to separate your crowd into sections, as you can see in the corners of the stadium in this photo.
STEP 9 - The Frenzy
As you can see, the chips give the feeling of a crowd of crazed fans. Especially the cheetos, who can barely contain their excitement at Vienna Sausage Roethlisberger and his delectable team.
STEP 10 - The Sausage Blimp
At any major sporting event, a blimp shows up. In this case it's a 20 ounce summer sausage, that's shaped like a football. It doesn't float, we just took out the wire in photoshop, so don't get freaked out.
And when you drop the deuce resulting from the consumption of this, call the Chicago Bears, because they'll sign your heap of shit to a long-term deal worth millions.
As a member of that demographic, I'd like to correct you. This sounds flipping fantastic, and I will adapt it for all major get-togethers, sports oriented and not.
I made a comment like this just needs bacon and low and behold... I see bacon. Best freakin snack ever. Now if they added some fried snickers bars some how.....
I'm guessing the majority of that near $90 ingredient cost is Twinkie-related. I'd suggest making this with store brand Twinkies because Twonkles don't cost NEAR as much.
Dear Mumasa, as we built a stadium out of completely empty calories I thought of you. I have attached a picture. We only ate some of the Doritos and Cheetos. Noah ate 7 Twinkies because we dared him to. Then we threw out the rest. Please find useful the dollar I've sent you for this month's food and water.
Yours,
Library
PS: Tell your uncle (the ambassador) that I've place the necessary funds in my account and sent him the information. I eagerly await my return on investment, as well as his eventual freedom.
I sent this article to my Mom and she had the following to say:
"These guys are amateurs – you don’t mix Twinkies with snack food!! BTW, Fritos Scoops would have made better helmets than cheese. They also should have used pretzel sticks instead of toothpicks.
Now I’m going to have to make one!!"
My Mom will fuck you up...She won the Gingerbread house contest at her job...No joke.
-G$
Dude, I bow down to your mom. She's right, both those would have been improvements. Except I stand by the twinkies, we ate them after we ate the chips, and they were fucking delicious, especially the ones that had touched bacon.
Your mom is a stupid fucking whore... leave the football stadium construction to the experts. -- the MEN!!! Gingerbread houses and this monument to mandom have nothing in common. The only sound I want to hear coming out of your mom's mouth is her choking on my cock.
it seems you're a gay fag with unattended wishes. Maybe that person's mom should shove a burning iron up the hole of your cock to appease you. men like you make me ashamed of being a man... but then again, you're no man. Just a low life with no respect that should be shot on sight.
you guys rule. I think you should officially host next year's Super Bowl - can someone write to the NFL about this. I'm f-ing serious, dude. You need to build a giant lifesize twinkie stadium. Maybe hostess would sponsor.
WOW! amazing! I'm so glad I live in the fattest country in the world, you won't see this shit in Japan. I was cracking up/drooling the whole time I was reading this.
(245 Comments)
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Holy Taco Goes to the Bahamas
January 28th, 2009 at 12:10 pm
The cheetos are behaving like typical Raider fans.
January 28th, 2009 at 12:06 pm
awesome
January 28th, 2009 at 12:08 pm
And when you drop the deuce resulting from the consumption of this, call the Chicago Bears, because they'll sign your heap of shit to a long-term deal worth millions.
January 28th, 2009 at 12:12 pm
lol good one. captain douche
January 28th, 2009 at 12:17 pm
this is the coolest thing i've ever seen
January 28th, 2009 at 12:10 pm
yuuurrrpppp
January 28th, 2009 at 12:17 pm
Honestly guys?
This was lame. You disappoint me.
Don't do it again.
January 28th, 2009 at 12:18 pm
You must be a communist.
January 28th, 2009 at 02:13 pm
You must be a woman.
January 28th, 2009 at 05:08 pm
As a member of that demographic, I'd like to correct you. This sounds flipping fantastic, and I will adapt it for all major get-togethers, sports oriented and not.
January 29th, 2009 at 09:22 am
You must watch the Fishing network.
January 28th, 2009 at 12:32 pm
The only thing this needs is to have an alternative to the twinkies, otherwise I want to make it sooo badly.
January 28th, 2009 at 06:14 pm
CORNDOGS!!
December 17th, 2009 at 12:43 pm
little loaves of french bread
January 28th, 2009 at 12:44 pm
i am so doing this.
January 28th, 2009 at 12:44 pm
What does a twinkie taste like with cheeto dust on it?...
January 28th, 2009 at 12:49 pm
You mean what does bacon flavored cheeto dust on a twinki taste like? Your answer is victory my friend.... victory!
January 28th, 2009 at 12:36 pm
Was that a model of Tampa Bays stadium?
January 28th, 2009 at 12:37 pm
I made a comment like this just needs bacon and low and behold... I see bacon. Best freakin snack ever. Now if they added some fried snickers bars some how.....
January 28th, 2009 at 12:50 pm
I'd like to take a shit right on the 50 yard line. But thats just me.
January 28th, 2009 at 12:54 pm
And who the fuck eats Twinkies at a Super Bowl party anyways?
January 28th, 2009 at 12:56 pm
Sure, make fun, but this is what Jessica Simpson has been eating this season while watching the Cowboys not make the playoffs.
January 28th, 2009 at 01:18 pm
Delicious and nutricious! It's got all the major food groups!! red, green, orange and yellow!
January 28th, 2009 at 01:11 pm
I Think that is quite possibly the best thing I hae ever seen in my life
January 28th, 2009 at 01:21 pm
Replace the twinkies with mozzarella sticks! Championship!
January 28th, 2009 at 01:34 pm
Needs more boob
January 29th, 2009 at 04:34 am
exactly what i was thinkin
January 28th, 2009 at 02:41 pm
Looks nothing like Raymond James, everyone knows its constructed out of pecan spin wheels...
January 28th, 2009 at 02:52 pm
BACON WRAP TWINKIES...mmmmmmm
January 28th, 2009 at 03:19 pm
Holy mother of Go....
January 28th, 2009 at 03:41 pm
You should use pretzels in place of the toothpicks.. to keep the entire thing edible.
January 28th, 2009 at 03:47 pm
After making this you guys now know what it's like to be Rosie Odonnel's private chef every morning. ZING!
Got you so bad Rosie you fat fuck.
January 28th, 2009 at 04:13 pm
you just zinged yourself.
January 28th, 2009 at 03:53 pm
I'm guessing the majority of that near $90 ingredient cost is Twinkie-related. I'd suggest making this with store brand Twinkies because Twonkles don't cost NEAR as much.
January 28th, 2009 at 04:24 pm
Twinkies were super cheap. Biggest cost was the guacamole and salsas
January 28th, 2009 at 04:23 pm
Dear Mumasa, as we built a stadium out of completely empty calories I thought of you. I have attached a picture. We only ate some of the Doritos and Cheetos. Noah ate 7 Twinkies because we dared him to. Then we threw out the rest. Please find useful the dollar I've sent you for this month's food and water.
Yours,
Library
PS: Tell your uncle (the ambassador) that I've place the necessary funds in my account and sent him the information. I eagerly await my return on investment, as well as his eventual freedom.
January 28th, 2009 at 04:30 pm
I sent this article to my Mom and she had the following to say:
"These guys are amateurs – you don’t mix Twinkies with snack food!! BTW, Fritos Scoops would have made better helmets than cheese. They also should have used pretzel sticks instead of toothpicks.
Now I’m going to have to make one!!"
My Mom will fuck you up...She won the Gingerbread house contest at her job...No joke.
-G$
January 28th, 2009 at 04:22 pm
Dude, I bow down to your mom. She's right, both those would have been improvements. Except I stand by the twinkies, we ate them after we ate the chips, and they were fucking delicious, especially the ones that had touched bacon.
January 28th, 2009 at 05:59 pm
Instead of Twinkies, maybe Corndogs?? CORNDOGS!!!
January 29th, 2009 at 10:14 am
Corndogs are genius...because they already have the sticks to connect them together. Genius!
January 31st, 2009 at 12:15 am
Your mom is a stupid fucking whore... leave the football stadium construction to the experts. -- the MEN!!! Gingerbread houses and this monument to mandom have nothing in common. The only sound I want to hear coming out of your mom's mouth is her choking on my cock.
February 1st, 2009 at 07:55 pm
it seems you're a gay fag with unattended wishes. Maybe that person's mom should shove a burning iron up the hole of your cock to appease you. men like you make me ashamed of being a man... but then again, you're no man. Just a low life with no respect that should be shot on sight.
January 28th, 2009 at 06:12 pm
you guys rule. I think you should officially host next year's Super Bowl - can someone write to the NFL about this. I'm f-ing serious, dude. You need to build a giant lifesize twinkie stadium. Maybe hostess would sponsor.
January 28th, 2009 at 07:23 pm
You have our 100% stamp of approval.
January 28th, 2009 at 07:48 pm
You need to attach a M-80 to the sausage blimp and re-enact Black Sunday.
January 29th, 2009 at 09:20 am
/slap
January 28th, 2009 at 08:05 pm
Bravo. Bravo.
January 28th, 2009 at 08:26 pm
WOW! amazing! I'm so glad I live in the fattest country in the world, you won't see this shit in Japan. I was cracking up/drooling the whole time I was reading this.
January 29th, 2009 at 02:54 pm
It could totally be done with sushi and related japanese cuisine.
January 28th, 2009 at 08:41 pm
Oh man. Now we just need Pepto shooters and I am ready to GET MY FOOTBALL ON.
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