Here at HolyTaco, we're big sports fans. And we're also big fans of eating piles of snack foods while we watch said sports. So, in honor of the Super Bowl and our need to cram our faces full of processed foods with funny names, we created this football stadium made entirely out of snack foods.
Ingredients:
The Field:
1 Pound of Guacamole
15 Oz. Queso Dip For The Steelers End Zone
15 Oz. Salsa For The Cardinals End Zone
2 Oz. Sour Cream for the Field Lines
The Players:
15 Vienna Sausages
Helmets - 3 Oz. Sharp Cheddar Cheese
The Goal Posts:
1 Slim Jim for Each Goal Post
1 Oz. Monterey Jack Cheddar To Anchor (each)
The Stands:
58 Twinkies
1 Pound of Bacon
1 Bag of Nacho Cheese Doritos
1 Bag of Cheetos
1 Bag of Corn Tortilla Chips
1 Bag of Chex Mix
The Blimp:
20 Oz. Football-Shaped Summer Sausage (optional) (on second thought, no, this isn't optional. Go buy one.)
TOTAL CALORIES: 24,375
TOTAL GRAMS OF FAT: 1,285
TOTAL COST: $86.47
TOTAL DELICIOUSNESS: 1 Billion trillion, dude. One billion trillion.
The Process:
STEP 1 - Ingredients:
Put all your ingredients on an empty table and take a really crappy photo of them.
STEP 2- The Field:
Take one pound of guacamole and smear it on the center of a baking tray, leaving a section on either end for the end zones.
STEP 3 - The End Zones
It's important here to fill one end zone with one filling, and one end zone with another, so that neither team receives home field deliciousness. We chose salsa for the Cardinals, and Queso dip for the Steelers.
STEP 4 - Yard Lines
Take sour cream and put it into a turkey baster, then squeeze gently to make the yard lines across the field.
STEP 5 - The Players and goal posts
Vienna sausages make delicious players, and tiny cheese wedge helmets help keep them from getting concussions. Two different types of cheese helps to distinguish the teams. The goal posts are made from Slim Jim's, that we cut up, then stuck together with tooth picks. Monterey Jack cheese was used as an anchor to keep them standing, with a tooth pick linking the two together. At no point was it necessary to "snap in to" any of these slim jims. Cutting worked better.
FIELD REVIEW
Now that the field is finished, you can begin constructing the stadium around it, which you will also eat. It's important to lay down some paper towels, so that no food comes in contact with your disgusting table top. (Because if you're a person who makes this, you definitely have a disgusting table top.)
STEP 6 - The Stadium
The twinkie is nature's brick. You can make your stadium as large as you want, depending on how many twinkies you have at your disposal. We had 58. And probably could have used 90. Use tooth picks to secure the twinkies to one another. This outer stadium wall will provide a delicious dessert when the contents of the stadium have been eaten.
STEP 7 - The Bacon Wall
The bacon wall is the most important part of the stadium, because it keeps the throngs of screaming fans, in this case chips, from falling on the field, in this case the guacamole and salsa. Insert tooth picks into the first row of twinkies, and then weave the bacon in and out of them, so that it forms a pliable wall.
STEP 8: The Fans/Chips
Without the fans, there would be no game. It's no different in your snack stadium, so select four different kinds of snacks to fill the stands. Be sure to use pieces of bacon to separate your crowd into sections, as you can see in the corners of the stadium in this photo.
STEP 9 - The Frenzy
As you can see, the chips give the feeling of a crowd of crazed fans. Especially the cheetos, who can barely contain their excitement at Vienna Sausage Roethlisberger and his delectable team.
STEP 10 - The Sausage Blimp
At any major sporting event, a blimp shows up. In this case it's a 20 ounce summer sausage, that's shaped like a football. It doesn't float, we just took out the wire in photoshop, so don't get freaked out.
I love the ingenuity and the easy to follow play by play description of the stadium construction. I can't think of a better use for slim jims. More importantly, there's a good chance that there will be a run on twinkies this week. I'm going to go put some on ebay right now.
I'm thinking if I can add your tip in with physically removing all of the creamy centers of the twinkies, this might constitute as a meal for those poor souls on Biggest Loser....
I have to agree with the other corn dog fans here replacing the twinkies. Lets face it, we are men and we like to mix our meats at meals, corn dogs and bacon just sounds so much more appetizing since the dogs can also be dipped in the queso or sub mustard.
That thing is totally amazing! I would construct one myself but I'm too broke and jobless and worthless. Ok, going to go cry now. Thanks for your stupid stadium of crushed dreams!!!!! J/K
It needs cheerleaders made of candy. Otherwise, it's pretty damn impressive.. Perhaps there could be a parking lot made with meatballs as shrubbery, and hot dogs as buses/cars?
Actually, you should consider publicizing this smorgasbord on some eco-friendly websites/ blogs.
I am pretty certain that upon close analysis you will find that with the exception perhaps of the Monterey jack Cheese, every bit of the snack stadium is a form of recycled plastic of some kind or another.
The amount of polymers and spun plastics we are removing from the environment is staggering, and I do think you may be onto something big...Dare I suggest the Nobel Prize?
(244 Comments)
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Holy Taco Goes to the Bahamas
January 29th, 2009 at 11:39 am
You're my new best friend.
January 29th, 2009 at 12:17 am
I would have to replace the twinkies with corndogs since beer has killed my sweeth tooth. I know I am not alone in this....
January 29th, 2009 at 02:40 pm
Definitely not alone. I haven't had a craving for anything sweet in years. Corn dogs ftw.
January 29th, 2009 at 05:18 am
I agree with Brad....replace the twinkies with mozzerella sticks...perfection.
January 29th, 2009 at 06:25 am
this is beeyotiful. def plan on making. also love the idea of using corndogs. whoa.
January 29th, 2009 at 06:28 am
rice crispy treats for the walls?
January 29th, 2009 at 06:20 am
might be good replacement and equally as good
January 29th, 2009 at 06:52 am
How about those mini pigs in a blanket for the players wrapped up coats on the side lines.
January 29th, 2009 at 12:28 pm
Dude, the Superbowl's in Tampa, who the hell is going to be wearing a coat?
January 29th, 2009 at 07:10 am
I love the ingenuity and the easy to follow play by play description of the stadium construction. I can't think of a better use for slim jims. More importantly, there's a good chance that there will be a run on twinkies this week. I'm going to go put some on ebay right now.
January 29th, 2009 at 07:45 am
You need to deep fry the entire thing just to put it over the top!
January 29th, 2009 at 07:49 am
Diet tip! One can cut calories by substituting light sour cream for the field lines.
January 29th, 2009 at 12:28 pm
I'm thinking if I can add your tip in with physically removing all of the creamy centers of the twinkies, this might constitute as a meal for those poor souls on Biggest Loser....
January 29th, 2009 at 08:30 am
What! No scoreboard?
January 31st, 2009 at 12:00 am
You could do a scoreboard with gum drops... like the kind sold at movie theaters
January 29th, 2009 at 08:49 am
I need to buy Tums after just looking at that thing.
January 29th, 2009 at 09:04 am
How many Weightwatcher points in that?
January 29th, 2009 at 02:12 pm
Weightwatcher's website calculates it at 591 points.
January 29th, 2009 at 09:15 am
That's freaking awesome!
Make one for March Madness!!
i dare you
=D
January 29th, 2009 at 09:59 am
puts the bacon explosion to shame!
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/01/28/dining/28bacon.html?no_interstitial
January 29th, 2009 at 10:02 am
How come the Cards have the 8-7 power play?
January 29th, 2009 at 10:17 am
Eh, I want to see a video of the toothpick-haters trying to insert a pretzel stick into a slim jim. Ain't happenin'.
January 29th, 2009 at 10:18 am
Yum!
January 29th, 2009 at 10:29 am
Theres' not eneough men on the field. Rookie.
January 29th, 2009 at 10:30 am
Instead of Twinkies make 4 sandwhiches for the stadium!!!
January 29th, 2009 at 10:35 am
Americans!
January 31st, 2009 at 12:08 am
Shut up French asshole!
January 29th, 2009 at 10:40 am
I am no food prude. I love "bad" food. Having said that, that is the most disgusting thing I have ever seen in my life.
Twinkies and bacon? Please.
January 29th, 2009 at 11:59 pm
Shut up asshole.
January 29th, 2009 at 11:19 am
im definately making this on sunday!!!
January 29th, 2009 at 11:46 am
I have to agree with the other corn dog fans here replacing the twinkies. Lets face it, we are men and we like to mix our meats at meals, corn dogs and bacon just sounds so much more appetizing since the dogs can also be dipped in the queso or sub mustard.
January 29th, 2009 at 11:47 am
How about Li'l Smokey's for the players, and olive halves for the helmets?
Anything would be better than Twinkies for the stadium walls.
A case of cold beer and Twinkies just don't go together.
Anyhow, great job on this. Looks fantastic!!
January 29th, 2009 at 11:48 am
I'm equally awed and repulsed...
January 29th, 2009 at 11:50 am
That thing is totally amazing! I would construct one myself but I'm too broke and jobless and worthless. Ok, going to go cry now. Thanks for your stupid stadium of crushed dreams!!!!! J/K
January 29th, 2009 at 11:56 am
Just get the knock-off brand stuff from Dollar Tree, you'll still have to buy the cold (uncanned stuff) from somewhere else (we have Aldi's here)
It's all going to end up on your carpet or in the toilet pretty quick anyhow. :-)
January 29th, 2009 at 12:18 pm
It needs cheerleaders made of candy. Otherwise, it's pretty damn impressive.. Perhaps there could be a parking lot made with meatballs as shrubbery, and hot dogs as buses/cars?
January 29th, 2009 at 12:37 pm
I'd add a scoreboard with the score spelled out in little green Immodium AD pills.
January 29th, 2009 at 01:15 pm
Martha Stewart has nothing on you guys.
January 29th, 2009 at 01:38 pm
I would construct mine using a defibrillator as the base. Once you finish eating, someone will more than likely have a heart attack.
January 29th, 2009 at 02:09 pm
that was my thought! My son was ready to go out and buy the stuff tonight.
January 29th, 2009 at 01:46 pm
you've got a 7 on 8 game there dude! what kind of super bowl is that?
January 29th, 2009 at 01:52 pm
weird
January 29th, 2009 at 02:08 pm
Actually, you should consider publicizing this smorgasbord on some eco-friendly websites/ blogs.
I am pretty certain that upon close analysis you will find that with the exception perhaps of the Monterey jack Cheese, every bit of the snack stadium is a form of recycled plastic of some kind or another.
The amount of polymers and spun plastics we are removing from the environment is staggering, and I do think you may be onto something big...Dare I suggest the Nobel Prize?
January 29th, 2009 at 02:17 pm
It's... beautiful!
January 29th, 2009 at 02:09 pm
MORE BACON!!!!!!?
January 29th, 2009 at 02:23 pm
Replace the Twinkies as the stadium with 4 Racks of Ribs!!
January 29th, 2009 at 02:36 pm
QFT
January 29th, 2009 at 02:31 pm
WOw, now that is truly stunning indeed.
RT
www.Privacy-Center.net
January 29th, 2009 at 02:56 pm
No wonder Americans are so obese
January 29th, 2009 at 03:29 pm
and yet so happy
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